


To relax, you say?

by Reisei



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Feelings, M/M, Reunions, casual rock band
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 03:17:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17256590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reisei/pseuds/Reisei
Summary: "Guan Shan took the leading part, not missing single note. He closed his eyes. God, he loved that sound. Even without He Tian here, he could hear his voice, like he was staying next to him. And that was frightening him."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !  
> It is my first work here, I really hope you will like it. English is not my native language, so there are probably still some mistakes - sorry for that.

Guan Shan sighed, making his breath more visible in front of him, it was getting colder. He leaned against the wall of the restaurant where he worked, looking for a pack of cigarettes in his pockets. Even outside he heard the yellings from the restaurant - great, his lovely manager found something new to yell at. Or someone new. Or just kept on track to behave like a fucking slave master (actually, Guan Shan’s coworkers gave the guy this nickname ). He lit a cigarette, slowly took a smoke and tried to relax a little bit before his return back to work. Today out of the blue there was so many customers that they have been barely making it. Additional they were short at staff - one guy didn’t show up at work today, what made things more difficult to handle. Probably the manager thought that with more yelling than general he will speed up the work. Well, it was not speeding anything. Only the anger that has been building up in Guan Shan. But this guy apparently didn’t care and just enjoyed the power he had when the owner was not around. Guan Shan looked at his phone to check time. Fuck, three more hours before his shift ends and at this point he had enough for today. But he knew it wasn't the end, even in three hours. He made some plans with Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi for tonight and he was seriously considering to calling it off. He took a smoke, thinking. No, he couldn't do that. It was always He Tian that didn't show up or came really late for they sessions. And they were always cursing him because of that. Guan Shan didn't want to be on the same level as He Tian : if he doesn't show up as well, Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi will have just drums and bass to come with. Not that it was bad, but it was waste of money for the place that they rent for playing.

Well, if He Tian does not show up tonight, (he didn't confirm it on they group chat), that would mean Guan Shan could lead however he wanted to. And maybe he will somehow throw all his tiredness and anger through steel strings. The yellings started to be more audible, what meant Slave Master has been getting closer to the back door. Guan Shan sighed again. He wiped his tired eyes and took the last smoke from the dying cigarette before he came back inside.

  
*

"You're late!" That was the first sentence that welcomed him when he entered the room. Zheng Xi just nodded at him, trying to tune his set. Guan Shan nodded at him as well, and gave Jian Yi a finger.

"I see you didn't start yet, so stop yelling."

"But still, 20 minutes, and you didn't even respond to texts or write you will be that late" continued Jian Yi, giving finger back at Guan Shan.

"20 minutes and you're making a fuss? " scoffed Guan Shan, checking his phone , he didn't hear any messages on the way here. Besides messages from Jian Yi there was a respond on the group chat - He Tian will not be here tonight. Guan Shan smiled a little.

"Ok, I'm good" said Zheng Xi after checking for the last time if everything sounds like it should "honestly I have no idea who played before us."

"Wait, give me some time, need to warm up a little, my fingers are numb" said Guan Shan, quickly putting off his jacket and taking his guitar. He tuned his guitar and started some random simple fingerstyle, not paying much attention to what he was playing, instead he started to observe Jian Yi and Zheng Xi. They started chatting between each other, some stuff about what game they played and what their thoughts about it were. Guan Shan huffed under his nose with a smile.  
For last three months their occasionally play together some stuff and even come up with their own songs, just for fun. From the beginning it was why they started to play - just to relax, to cut themselves from reality for a little while. Guan Shan remembered how it all stared, from the moment still back in school, when He Tian jumped at him with arm on his shoulder and with this action accidentally pulled off Guan Shan's headphones too much and the song he was listening to spread around from his pocket.  
  
**  
  
It was first time he has seen pure interest coming out from Zhan Zheng Xi, who was walking with him and Jian Yi the road to school back then.

"Wow, I wouldn't suspect that you are into that music" Zheng Xi said, when Guan Shan turned off the music quickly, trying to push off He Tian away.

"... the guitar is nice here." Guan Shan said carefully, not knowing what other boy has on his mind.

"Have you listened all their album? " asked Zheng Xi after a while.

"Third song is amazing, drums are crazy! And the lyrics are - " Guan Shan stopped in the middle, a little bit emberrassed of his too enthusiastic reaction, turning his eyes away from Zheng Xi who smiled a little.

  
  
That's how it started, they common interest in music. They started to recommend bands to each other, not always in the same genre, not always one liked the same as the other, but they were both open to discovering something new. Jian Yi was there as well. He wasn't so much into the music, but when some day he took the bass on his hands in music store he started to be more aware of it sound and became to love it.

After few years, when they roads split but they were still in contact, Guan Shan pick up the phone when Jian Yi called.

"Do I recall correctly that you have an electric guitar?" - he started without even "hey, what’s up?"

"Maybe. What do you want? If you want to lend it then forg-"

"Xixi! He has one! Redhead, can you do rythm?" Jian Yi interrupted in the middle of Guan Shan’s sentence.

"... maybe, but what do-"

"He can! So, today is good? Nice! Redhead, let's meet up at 8pm, I'll send you address, take guitar with you, no need for cable or amplifier, se yaa!"

"HEY, stop making decisions for - " Guan Shan heard just empty line as Jian Yi ended the call. Cursing, he started to type message "WTF, I'm not going anywhere, I'm busy" and he threw his phone away on the bed. After few seconds it started to buzz shortly few times, what meant Jian Yi send him few messages. Fuck, can't he send it all just in one ?

Jian Yi 14:41  
"Oh come on, you have nothing to do, I know it"

Jian Yi 14:41  
"You broke up with that girl of yours, didn't you?"

Jian Yi 14:41  
"Or you came back to each other?! You didn't say anything!"

Jian Yi 14:41  
"Xixi said you didn't, so stop it and move your ass"

Jian Yi 14:42  
"I'll be waiting at you at South Entrance at 8pm"

Jian Yi 14:42  
"Take guitar!"

Guan Shan cursed again, glaring at his phone. Like dating someone was the only thing that could make people busy at evenings. To be honest, he wasn't planning nothing particular for today, just some game playing, that’s all. But he didn’t like to be told what he has to do or where to go.

Mo Guan Shan 14:45  
"Fuck off, I told you I have no time"

He put his phone away and went to kitchen to make some dinner. He was living on his own in small apartment but pretty comfortable one. Two rooms, kitchen, small bathroom. Close to work. Just good. He made something to eat and sat before TV choosing some random program to watch. He heard his phone buzzed again. With resignation he reached his phone and saw few more messages.  _Sigh_.

Jian Yi 14:46  
"Redhead, come on, it would be fun~"

Jian Yi 14:50  
"Don't ignore me here~"

Jian Yi 14:51  
"Guan Shan?"

And one from Zheng Xi

Zhan Zheng Xi 16:10  
"You seriously can't go? We thought about how it would be great to play a little bit together. You know. If today's a no, give us some date. I know it's sudden, but think that through. And please, don't ignore Jian Yi, he is sulking right now"

Fuck. As long as he could ignore Jian Yi, he couldn’t turn back at Zheng Xi. After the fight that had place few years back, Guan Shan still felt an inch of guilt somewhere inside him. Especially that he never apologised for that. Back then he was too full of himself to come and said he is sorry. Now, after seven years, he knew it will be probably more awkward for them to go back to this topic. He look up at the guitars that were hanging on the wall. Two electric ones, one of them previously belonged to his father, he started learning on it, even when the electronics went to hell, he still practiced on that. And second one, Guan Shan bought for his third salary.

Guan Shan would have lied if he said that he was not interested in the idea of playing together. It was always nice to play with other people. He wrote to Jian Yi:

Mo Guan Shan 16:15  
"Better for you not to be late."  
  
**  
  
Guan Shan sighed, feeling his fingers started to feel warm. Jian Yi was laughing at something that Zheng Xi said, the other one looked angry.

"Ok, I’m ready too" Guan Shan said and plugged his guitar to the amplifier "what do you wanna play?"

"Maybe some of ours?" asked Jian Yi with huge smile and sparkly eyes, taking his bass to hands.

"Well, we can play, but no vocal, He Tian is off" said Zheng Xi starting to tap the rhythm.

They agreed without words, each of them started to join Zheng Xi. Guan Shan looked at Zheng Xi – he choosed some more dynamic song what give Guan Shan the opportunity to get out of negative emotions. He knew what Guan Shan needed after spending the day with Slave Master.  _Having friends is good thing after all_. Guan Shan took the leading part, not missing single note. He closed his eyes. God, he loved that sound. Even without He Tian here, he could hear his voice, like he was staying next to him. And that was frightening him.

Guan Shan remembered the moment Jian Yi led him to this room three months ago, the feeling he felt when he heard He Tian said "Little Mo, did you miss me?", trembling of his heart, heat on his skin when his eyes met gray ones, weight of He Tian’s arm as it landed on his shoulder like it used to. At first he thought the feelings that came back to him were just nostalgic. He really hoped they were.

**

At the beginning, he thought all actions of He Tian were just to tease him, and all the intimacy he had for Guan Shan was from pure curiosity – they were in puberty and Guan Shan suspected He Tian was just envy of what Jian Yi and Zheng Xi have between them. He wanted something like this for himself. And eternally resisting Guan Shan was more interesting than the submissive girls surrounding him on each side. After some time glances and touches that He Tian gave him started to affected him in the way that he didn't want to admit. When He Tian started to fill every Guan Shan thought, when Guan Shan was the one that was looking for him in the crowds, when he started to think that maybe it all wasn’t just curiousity but really something more – He Tian just move out overseas to study. Without a word, suddenly, just like that.

_Don’t know what’s going on_

Guan Shan didn’t even know He Tian wasn’t in the country. He learned that from Jian Yi after a week.  
Shock.  
Rage.  
Anger.  
Emptyness.  
That was what attacked him after hearing that news. Throwing the curses from left to right, he didn’t even respond to first textes He Tian wrote to him after 2 weeks since he left. After some time he was still angry at him, but he started to respond to He Tian. Even if mostly it were "fuck off" messages. Eventually even messages stopped. Guan Shan did not made any step to change it, he didn’t want to show he was interested what’s going on in He Tian’s life. How was he. When or if he will go back someday.

The emptiness started to fill him, the lost of weight on his shoulder started to hurt, irritating words and cocky smiles that made him angry, now were mostly missed ones. He constantly thought about how to change things back on track, was it something he did before He Tian left? If so, what was that ? Why he didn’t even tell him he was going to study abroad? But what changed everything was a photo on social media He Tian published – him with some chicks at the party. Nothing new, he had plenty of photos, and if something was strange, that would be He Tian, who would not publish something like that in 24 hours. But this one was different. Not because the girls around were way too clingy to He Tian’s body. Not because He Tian looked like he liked it. This could probably be considered quite normal.  
Except fading hickeys that were on He Tian’s neck.

_Don’t know what went wrong_

He remembered this feeling. He remembered that pain. How the fuck it hurt. His reaction, laughing like a madman, still looking at this fucking photo, then the impossibility of finding his own voice in the throat. What he was expecting? He Tian just liked to teasing him and watch his reaction. It really was just curiosity. Nothing more.

_So I’ll stay up all night_  
_With these bloodshoot eyes_

Would it be different if Guan Shan made some move before? Or maybe it was good he didn't do anything, that he did not compromise himself ? This would be hell, if he came up to He Tian and... and what? What would he do ?  
It was hard already for him to admit that he has feelings for other guy, if he would be directly rejected by him, he would not know what he would do.  
It was only curiosity.

_I feel so much better_  
_now that you’re gone forever_

He was curious what will Guan Shan do, curious where was the end line for this play.

_So I’ll stay up all night_

And Guan Shan remembered how he manage to get up with reality that hit him harder that he thought.

_Get drunk and fucking fight_

**

"Hey, Redhead, what - "

"Jian Yi, shut up" hissed Zheng Xi with eyes locked on Guan Shan, changing the rhythm to fit Guan Shan’s playing "Let him continue like this..."

**

He started daiting some chicks, didn’t matter who they ware. When things started to be more serious (" _Maybe I should meet your mother_?", " _I think I’m starting to really like you_ "), he broke up with them – he could be not the best boyfriend for them, but he didn’t want to play with other people’s feelings.  
Some time has passed and he eventually stopped to think about He Tian.

_I tell myself that I don’t miss you at all_

Until he came back. And every feelings that Guan Shan buried deep down in himself as well.

**

Guan Shan opened his eyes and saw Zheng Xi and Jian Yi looking at him with their eyes wide open. He heard his guitar played on its own, his fingers were moving across the fretboard without realising. He focused on what he was hearing and suddenly it hit him: for fuck’s sake, what the fuck is that? Was he  _playing_  that ? He stopped immediately, and tried to say something but he felt his throat sore.  _No no no no nononono, I didn’t sing it along, right? Right?! FUCK, how the... FUCK!_

"Redhead, the fuck was that?!" started Jian Yi with his eyes still wide open "That was –"

"FUCK, stop it here-"

"THIS WAS GREAT! I know it’s a cover, but still, I didn’t know you can sing so well-"

"ENOUGH, Jian Yi, don’t say anythi-"

"God, what have you been thinking?! I actually felt your - "

"Jian Yi, for fuck’s sake, ENOUGH! " Guan Shan screamed, trying to put himself at ease. Jian Yi closed his mouth, not sure how should he react on that.  
Fuck, he screw up. He was lost in thoughts too much. Fucking He Tian. "Guys, seriously, let’s forget that, it was just – " he didn’t finish, the door opened wide.

"Guess who’s baaack~ Did you miss me already?" – He Tian just walked in with smile on his lips – "Apparently, I have some time tonight~"

_Seriously?! Now you have to pop up?!_

"He Tian!” Jian Yi came to him, as the other guy let down his guitar in order to take his jacket off  "Why the hell is that you are always the one that doesn't show up or come late when it was your idea in the first place to start playing together?!"

Zheng Xi has not turn his eyes off of Guan Shan, the other one was like petrified looking at He Tian and Jian Yi. He started to use his kick drum to make Guan Shan look at him. It didn’t work.

"Well, I had to close a few things, they were constantly up since I returned. Now you have my full attention" started He Tian, taking his guitar out of case  "Anyway, why is here so silent? Do you not play if I’m not here?~ Little Mo, you can’t get it if I’m not around you~? "  He Tian said with smirk on his face, looking at Guan Shan.

"You would not belive it, He Tian!" started Jian Yi, not seeing fearful eyes of Guan Shan locked at him  "Right now-" Jain Yi stopped with loud "THE FUCK?!" as something hit his head. Everyone looked down where the drumstick was still rolling on the floor. Then they looked at Zheng Xi who still had his outstretched arm in front of him.

"Sorry, it slipped out of my hand" said Zheng Xi throwing a murderous look at Jian Yi. The latter apparently understood it’s meaning, visibly swallowing the words that were about to come out for He Tian to listen to " Anyway, can we start playing already? We don’t have that much time left."

"Sure, but let Jian Yi finish what he started? "said He Tian suspiciously before he turned his gaze on Jian Yi.

"... well... " started Jian Yi, catching finally stares that Guan Shan was throwing at him"... Redhead was late, too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About song that Mo Guan Shan was singing - please check out Three Days Grace - Gone Forever
> 
> I hope this jumps between "then and now" weren't too much confusing. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And what about you?” Guan Shan asked after a while.
> 
> “What?” He Tian was surprised Guan Shan was interested in his thoughts.
> 
> “What attracts your attention first?”
> 
> “I think the lyrics after all. I like when they can mean anything, when the song does not impose its meaning. But in the same time, I love when the song gives you the only possible meaning as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello !  
> Second chapter is ready, I hope you will like it.  
> Again, sorry for all mistakes that may be here, I tried to correct it as much as I could.

He Tian got out of the car, checking his phone. It should be around this time Little Mo has his break.  
He had to admit that he knew it will be hard to approach Guan Shan again after he came back. He did not even know if it was possible. He made sure when Jian Yi brought Guan Shan to their room for the first time. The reaction he saw at his  face was enough for him to hope he can make it somehow work again between them.

He knew he screwed up at the moment when he moved out without a word. He had no choice, it was his family doing. Jian Yi just happen to walk the street that day, when his brother's underlings were putting his cases to the car. The study thing was part of true, there was no need for Jian Yi or anyone to know more. Now for He Tian important was that his family will not interfere with his private life, that was the agreement between them.  
But back then he was mad at them that they took him just when things started to go the right way.  
On top of everything, Guan Shan did not replied to his messages first, and when he started they was short, dismissively. He did not give a sign of life either. He Tian felt like he has done 100 steps back. He was angry, frustrated, impatient. And he screwed up once again. He thought he will move on eventually, that he needed to take care of something, focus on someone else. But Guan Shan was still in his mind, it didn’t matter with whom he was – he missed him all the time. His curses, his frowning, his attitude, his reactions.  
He really was stupid, now he knew that. He destroyed everything at his own request, he could be just more patient. But he wasn’t – and regret is not going to help here, he has to start over again.  
  
He saw Guan Shan went out through the back door, he was searching his pockets for a cigarette, He Tian assumed. He was right, after a while Guan Shan lit one, but mostly held it in his fingers, not dragging too much. He waited for the lights to change so he could cross the street, when the restaurant door opened again, some girl joined Guan Shan, hitting him first in the back of the head with an open hand, speaking to him and gesticulating lively. Guan Shan grabbed the back of his head, He Tian could read from the movement of lips his angry "What the heck?", but with every new sentence spoken by the girl, Guan Shan's face grew milder until he finally burst out laughing, causing the girl to gesticulate even more vividly until she join him and started to laugh, too. He Tian looked at her, partly with anger, partly with admiration. He would like Guan Shan to laugh at him like that. He adored how Guan Shan reacts to him, but he would like to have a whole palette of his expression only for himself. And he did not have this one in the collection.  
The lights finally turned green, the girl came back inside. When he reached Guan Shan, the other had been looking through his phone, not paying attention to surrounding.  
  
“No need to call me, I’m here for you.”  
  
“The fuck are you doing here?” he asked slightly surprised, returning after a second to his usual face expression.  
  
“I need a lighter, I thought you could help me with this.” he answered, putting a cigarette to his lips.  
  
“Did you run out of money? Go buy your own or look for happiness elsewhere” Guan Shan said, putting the cigarette to his lips as well.  
  
 “I don’t need to~”  He Tian grabbed Guan Shan by the chin, approaching him so that he could light his cigarette with the heat of the other. He noticed a gentle blush at Guan Shan’s face. He smirked.  
  
 “The fuck do you want here?” asked Guan Shan again, after he let him go.  
  
“Just wanted to see you, you have been avoiding me recently~” he smiled in response when Guan Shan gave him a finger. Muffled yellings came from the restaurant “What a lovely voice you have here. Your boss?”  
  
“Manager. He’s a jerk.”  
  
The door opened and behind them the girl from before showed up.  
  
“The heck, how long it takes to smoke a cigarette! Come back here already!” she said without bothering about apologizing for interrupting.  
  
“Alright, alright, coming” he said, throwing his unfinished cigarrette to the ashtray. The girl disappeard inside.  
  
 “Let’s meet up after your work today.” He Tian said as Guan Shan reached for the door handle.  
  
“I have no time today, I work till late.” Guan Shan answered immediately.  
  
“Really? I thought you work first shift today, you turned me down yesterday and day before yesterday, and the day before it as well.”  
  
“...”  
  
“Ok, guess I will stay with you here~”  
  
“Here? What do you mean?”  
  
“In the restaurant. I have time today and nothing to do.”  
  
“Don’t you even dare!”  
  
“Why not? It’s good to have me as a client, you know?”  
  
“No way! Don’t you fucking come here!”  
  
“Will you find some time for me, then?”  
  
“Fuck, all right but don’t come to the restaurant!”  
  
“Great~ I’ll pick you up at 8pm. Take me something of yours to eat.”

  
*

  
“I don’t get it, why we didn’t talk about it?” started again Jian Yi, pressing the controller buttons vigorously.  
  
Zheng Xi sighed, countering off Jian Yi attacks calmly. They were in Zheng Xi’s apartment, playing games while sitting on the floor. Jian Yi started this topic like sixth time in this week.  
  
“I told you already, Guan Shan dosen’t want to. If you keep pressing randomly like that, you will lose.”  
  
“I know that, but why the hell? He has a good voice, they could sing together...agh! How did I lose again?! Let me win at last one time!”  
  
Zheng Xi didn’t answer. He suspected that it was not the fact of singing that Guan Shan was concerned. Only what he sang. And after hearing the news from Jian Yi, He Tian would surely like to hear what amazed him so much - and he probably would understand the meaning of this.  
Zheng Xi remembered the condition of Guan Shan after He Tian left. He did not ask him anything then, he thought that if Guan Shan would want to talk, he would come to him. Of course he did not come. This time, after their play where Guan Shan forgot himself, Zheng Xi sent him a message. "If you want to talk, I'm here." He did not reply.  
  
“I...will...win...this!” Jian Yi said, with each word struggling with the controller, as if someone tried to snatch it from his hand. “HOW is this possible?!... So? What do you think?”  
  
“That you don’t think what are you pressing.”  
  
“Not that! About them, singing together.”  
  
“I don’t think his voice would match for the songs we have. But yes, it’s good.”  
  
“Let’s make new ones, then!”  
  
“Jian Yi, stop that already. I meaned this topic, not pushnig buttons like crazy. But don’t do that, too.”  
  
His phone buzzed, he read the message.  
  
“My sister wants to come over” he answered to Jian Yi's questioning look “guess I’ll have to clean up the mess you've made here. You better help me.” he said, standing up.  
  
Jian Yi opened his mouth, ready to protest, but he closed it immediately - Zheng Xi was right, almost all the mess in the apartment belonged to him. He smiled apologetically.  
  
"I will, I -" he stopped, a thought dawned in his head "- but first I need to do something" he finished, running to his backpack left at the door, pulled out his laptop and headphones. He sat at the table, put his headphones on and started typing quickly.  
  
“Something for classes?”  
  
“What?... N- Yeah, I’ve just rememberd I have something to do.”  
  
“Ok, finish that first, it’s important.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah... I will.”

Jian Yi returned to slapping the keyboard, while Zheng Xi began collecting empty packages after snacks. However, he got a shiver every time when Jian Yi's tap was accompanied by a sudden "YES!".

*

He Tian lit the third cigarette, waiting outside for Guan Shan to came out. When he started to think Guan Shan stand him up, he heard his yellings mixing with other ones, as the door finally opened and angry Guan Shan get throught them.

“You took your time” he started, as Guan Shan just walked past him not stopping.  
  
“Fuck you, too.”  
  
“Why so rude? I’m not your enemy here.”  
  
Guan Shan stopped, clenching his fists, but then he just hide his hands in the pockets. He Tian joined him, decided not to point out the lack of food he asked for before, and they started to walk.  
  
“Maybe you should change the work, if it makes you so pissed off.” started He Tian after they passed another crossing in silence.  
  
“They pay good, it’s just this guy that piss me off” he answered, fastening his jacket “Where are we going? It’s freaking cold.”  
  
“Oh, relax, soon you will be feeling hot~”  
  
Guan Shan didn't comment it, just threw suspicious glance on smirking face of the other. He Tian turned into the dark alley on the right and began to head to the only door in this place. Before he opened it, Guan Shan heard the muffled sounds of music. When they came in, the music hit them with full force before they got used to it. Guan Shan looked around - walls were painted in black and red colors, some posters hanging here and there, a small platform on the other side of the entrance where the unknown band have been giving their concert at that moment.  
  
“Wait for me here.” He Tian said, pointing at some table at the wall, he left his jacket on a chair and went to the bar on the right side, that was occupied by crowd of people.  
It was a lot of people near the stage too, jumping and screaming songs with the band. It started to get really hot,  Guan Shan took off his jacket as well, and came closer to the crowd, observing the band. After a moment he noticed his leg started do the rhythm on it’s own.  
  
He Tian came back after like 15 minutes, with two cold beers, he passed him one.  
  
“Like it?” asked He Tian after a while, looking at stage.  
  
“Yeah, they are good.”  
  
“What do you like the most in them?”  
  
“The guitar, it has some nice riffs. The lyrics until now are great, too.”  
  
“If you like it, I can play it for you~”  
  
“I can play it myself, idiot.”  
  
“Whoa, you really can?”  
  
Guan Shan took a sip of his beer, looking back at the stage.  
  
“Is this what first attracts your attention?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The guitar.”  
  
He thought about it for a moment.  
  
“Actually, yes. But it’s not like I don’t care about the rest.”  
  
“And what about you?” Guan Shan asked after a while.  
  
“What?” He Tian was surprised Guan Shan was interested in his thoughts.  
  
“What attracts your attention first?”  
  
“I think the lyrics after all. I like when they can mean anything, when the song does not impose its meaning. But in the same time,  I love when the song gives you the only possible meaning as well.”  
  
Some people were crossing next to them, separating them for a while. He Tian rested his arm on Guan Shan after they went away.  
  
“Stop that, is hot enough here without your arm on me.“ Guan Shan pushed him away, He Tian rested his arm on Guan Shan’s shoulder again, drawing him closer to him.  
  
“I’m just afraid you will get lost in the crowd.” he smirked at Guan Shan’s frowned face. Guan Shan didn’t say anything, turning his eyes again at the stage. He Tian watched him, focusing on a drop of sweat wandering down his neck. He lost sight of it on Guan Shan’s clavicle line.  
  _Fuck_.  
He took a sip of beer. After a while, Guan Shan put down his beer and began to pull off his sweatshirt, causing the t-shirt from below to go up, revealing his back halfway. He Tian froze, after a second he quickly put a cold bottle of beer to Guan Shan’s warmed back, taking advantage of the opportunity and outstretched his fingers to touch him as well.  
  
“FUCK! It’s fucking cold!”  
  
“Is is not refreshing? I wanted to help you cool down a little.”  
  
“You – “ he didn’t finish as He Tian grab his wrist and pull him closer to the stage.  He let his hand go when they where in the middle of crowd, making him to join the enthusiastic people under the stage. After two more pieces of continuous running around the stage and singing, the vocalist said :

“How are you there, people? I can’t belive it, you are amazing! Your energy is unstoppable! But let us catch a breath here! Easy, easy! We will not stop play, not now when you are so energetic here! But! This next song, I’m sure you all know it – it will be a cover of well know group. It will be a guitar cover of a cello. Yeah?! Yeah, I hear you know what it will be!” he said, as the crowd started to scream positively, Guan Shan opened his eyes wider.  _No fucking way_. – “Make a climate, take out the lighters - especially for you!  The guitar cover of  _Apocalyptica - Not Strong Enough_!”  _  
_  
Guan Shan literally felt his jaw drop.  _You are kidding me_. The public make a loud noise, those who have lighters took them out and lit above their heads. The lights dimmed, two delicate streams were directed to the scene. The guitarist started the intro, Guan Shan felt He Tian’s breath on his ear as he whispered:  
“Hey, take off your lighter.” He did it and lit it at the moment the crowd started to sing along with the vocalist:  
  
_I’m not strong enough to stay away_  
_Can’t run from you_  
_I just run back to you_  
_Like a moth I’m drawn into your flame_  
_Say my name, but it’s not the same_  
_You look in my eyes, I’m stripped of my pride_  
_And my soul surrenders and you bring my heart to its knees_

Guan Shan felt his body shiver at each verse, He Tian’s voice next to his right ear was more piercing than the one coming out from the stage. He felt He Tian’s hand on his own, he froze. “Rise it higher, Little Mo” he said to his ear again, rising their hands above more. Guan Shan looked at him with the intention of telling him to fuck off at the moment when the refren started, and He Tian sang it along looking directly at him.  
  
_And it's killin' me when you're away_

He didn’t say anything, just turn his eyes back on the stage, moving his hand away of He Tian’s. He thanked that the lights were dimmed, he felt that he had merged with the color of his hair – and feeling of He Tian’s eyes still on him weren’t helping him to calm down.

When they were living the pub two hours later, he took a glance on He Tian. A happy smile did not disappear from his face.

*

“Ok, taking the opportunity that He Tian is still not here” started Jian Yi, when they were tuning their instruments “Redhead, I don’t know why you don’t want to speak about your singing, BUT!”- he rised his hand when he saw Guan Shan was ready to start yelling at him – “I want you guys to please just check something” he turned around and started looking for something in his backpack. Guan Shan looked at Zheng Xi, the other’s eyes were saying “I’m sorry. I tried.”  
  
“Here, check this out” he returnd to them, giving each one few papers. Guan Shan took a look – it was a tablature. “It still needs fixes, some changes in the text and in the notes, but it seems to me that it worked out pretty well.”  
  
“You wrote this?” Guan Shan asked, looking at the next pages. Three songs.  
  
“Yeah, I thought it would be great if you could, you know...sing it” Jian Yi said slowly, Guan Shan glared at him at the “sing” word.  
  
“Jian Yi... you know how to write drum part?” asked Zheng Xi, checking pages with more and more wrinkled eyebrows.  
  
“Why do you ask?”  
  
“I’m just wondering if I look for you like an octopus.”  
  
“I used program for this one.”  
  
“Well, your program doesn’t know that human has only two legs and two arms. Have you maybe a record of this drums of yours?”  
  
“YES! I mean, yes, I have, I’ll give it to you...” he stopped, looking at Guan Shan “Redhead, what do you think?”

Guan Shan looked again at the tablature. It looked really good, he has to admit it. Few changes and it will be really fun to play this. He was really impressed that this Jian Yi wrote something like that. Not that he will admit it to him. He didn’t know when Jian Yi started to be so into music. He looked at last page, to see songs lyrics in one piece. He frowned even more than usual.  
  
“MGS? HT? I see that you have already done your sections here.”

“It’s just if you would agree someday to, you know, sing together” started Jian Yi quickly, hoping it will not make Guan Shan refuse him  “It's nothing binding, you will fit for whole songs as well, but... I just wanted to make some fun with everybody.”

_Now great. He makes me look like this evil one, who doesn’t want to allow everyone have fun._

He sighed, looking at Zheng Xi. He was just staring at him, finally he shrugged with expression on his face saying “Why not?”  
  
“... Fine, let it be your way, then. But no He Tian for now!” He said, regreting it as he saw sparkling eyes of Jian Yi, who run to his backpack again in searching for his phone. He give it to Zheng Xi, who put headphones on and played recorded drum part. He listened a while, while Guan Shan started to analyze the tablature more carefully.  
  
“Ok, I get what you wanted to achieve here. You can uninstall this program, it’s ridiculous it wrote it like that. If  you want to keep it a secret from He Tian for now, we shouldn’t play it at this moment, he  should be here in a while.”  
  
“The question is how we will play it when he will be here?” asked Jian Yi.  
  
“He said he will have more time since he closed up few things, but he was still late last times on about half an hour. It should be enough for now.” answered Guan Shan, putting his papers to his bag. He suddenly felt bad he gave the idea of hiding something form He Tian.

“THE HECK?! What did I do this time?!” cried Jian Yi, holding his head, when the drumstick again was rolling on the floor after it hit back of his head.  
  
“‘Cleaning up your mess’? This is one of the title? Seriously, you were writing notes back then when I was cleaning YOUR MESS?!”  
  
“So what? I had a flow of inspiration, I had to write it!” he said, covering himself with hands before the next drumstick flew his way.  
  
“I hope the lyrics aren’t about washing dishes” said Guan Shan, checking it to be sure.  
  
They started to play some songs for warm-up, after two tracks He Tian came.

“You started without me? How heartless of you” he said, and ruffled Guan Shan’s hair as he closed the door.  
  
“We are bored of waiting for you to honor us with your presence.” said Jian Yi, as Guan Shan was fighting with He Tian’s hand with loud “The heck you’re doing?! Stop that!”. He felt woman’s perfume on him. And just like that the bad feeling of playing without him in secret went away.

 “What if I tell you we could have the possibility to play in a pub?”  
  
“Absolutely fucking no” “YES!” Guan Shan and Jian Yi said in the same time, turning to He Tian and then to each other.  
  
“What the heck, Jian Yi!”  
  
“Why not?! If we could play on the stage that would be so great!” Jian Yi looked like he was about to duplicate himself from excitement. Certainly today was his lucky day.  
  
“Do you realize that you were mostly absent when we played? How do you imagine it will work?” asked Zheng Xi, Jian Yi was attacking Guan Shan with arguments “why it will be so great”.  
  
“I didn’t say we  _will_   play, I said  _what if_. And it’s not that it will be on the next day.  _If_ , of course” answered He Tian with a smirk  “Am I having your attention, please? Great. So, it happened that I know pubs owner’s daughter and I spoke with her a little about ‘what if’ case-“  
  
“That’s why you smell like that! I thought maybe you change your cologne~” said Jian Yi with a smirk “ And what? You went on a date in order to make her let us play?”  
  
He Tian just glared at him, smile disappeared from his face on a second. It returned, but was certainly fake.  
  
“What do you guys take me for?~”  
  
“Playboy?” answered Zheng Xi.  
  
“Ladykiller!” laughed Jian Yi.  
  
“...womanizer” added Guan Shan.  
  
He Tian looked at each of them, stopping at Guan Shan. He didn’t turn away his eyes.  
  
“I'm not sure if I should be happy or not, but you have a wrong idea about me, I'd rather you don’t think about me like that ~”  
  
“Well, then make us.” said Jian Yi, coming back to persuading Guan Shan.  
  
“ I gave her record of our play to take a look at it” stared He Tian again, when Guan Shan break eye contact with him “If she will like it, we can have a chance.”  
  
“Wait, what record?!” asked Guan Shan, covering Jian Yi not closing mouth with his hand “We don’t have any record.”  
  
“Yes, we have~ I recorder our play few times, it’s a little bit messy, mostly because of Jian Yi chatters, but if she will get interested, I told her we will give her a proper thing to listen to.”  
  
“YOUUUUU!”  
  
“Oh come on, Little Mo, is just for fun, relax a bit.”  
  
“Where do you see ‘relax’ here?! There is difference between playing with friends in a room and playing for strange people on the stage!”  
  
“Come on, Redhead, why not?”  
  
“Why not?! I have agreed to too many things that you wanted from me already, you idiots-“  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like-“ he bit his tounge, almost saying about singing. And about agreeing to join He Tian yesterday. And to go to this pub again with him some next time.  
  
“See? You don’t have anything on your mind, so stop protesting so fiercely!”  
  
“It’s not that we have to decide it right away, remember that it is ‘what if’ case. Maybe she will not like it at all.”  
  
“Impossible!”  
  
“Jian Yi, wake up, I don’t know where your mind lives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „What the fuck was that, yesterday?” Jian Yi hissed , ignoring the warning glances of Guan Shan “Really, did you have to behave like that?”
> 
> „Jian Yi...can we not speak about it here?”
> 
> “No, damn, we can’t!” Jian Yi slammed his fist down the counter, several guests turned in their direction, whispering among themselves.
> 
> „Fuck, I’m working here, stop making scenes” Guan Shan said, lowering his voice, clenching fists “Zheng Xi, I thought you were the sensible one, why would you bring me a little bomb to work?”

“Would you kindly start mutting this fucking string of yours?” Guan Shan said slowly through clenched teeth, pausing play again.  
  
“Should I ?”  
  
“Yes, we spoke about it, and we all agreed to it.  It fits more here when you actualy mute it, not just gently strum.  And you did it  _again._ ”  
  
“But I want this part to be heard! People mostly don’t appreciate bass, they just focus on guitar!”  
  
“You want to be in the center? Here you go.” he said, seriously pissed off, tooking off his guitar and passing it to Jian Yi. They were arguing about this part of song third time today.  
  
“... the strings are too close. And there are six of them.” he started to pull the strings, the screeching sound came from the guitar amplifier.

“Don’t pull all of them if you don’t need it! And use the pick!”  
  
“But I always play with my fingers. I don’t like using the pick”  
  
“If you want to play with fingers, change settings to “clean”. Or write some acoustic part and play it on acoustic guitar!”

“...the strings still will be too close.”  
  
“FUCK, Zheng Xi, he’s yours.” Guan Shan said, leaving the room. He went outside, a shudder ran down his back. He fastened his jacket, took out the cigarettes from his pocket. He pulled one out, but did not lit it. They spent the last week together, meeting every other day in the evenings. Jian Yi was so excited about the possibility of playing in the pub that he wanted to practice as much as possible.

More rehearsals weren’t the problem here, actually Guan Shan was pretty glad because of them. They corrected most parts of the songs Jian Yi wrote, there were still some issues to solve, like this one with the bass right now. Nevertheless, he was grateful he can play more in the place where his angry neighbours weren't constant guests demanding to turn the amplifier off. Additionaly he could unrestrained shout his emotions throught the microphone, at last until He Tian didn’t come. And this emotions of his were building in him more and more.

What anger him at this moment was  _the reason_  they played so much. “To be able to record flawless pieces for owner’s daughter!” as Jian Yi said when he rescheduled their meetings. If she will asks for it, because she did not mention it at the moment. Apparently. He Tian came to meetings with the scent of her perfume, Guan Shan had the impression that the smell was more intense each time.  And it annoyed him. He felt like he was in some kind of fucking wheel, he played to throw away everything from himself, forgetting the world around. Then, He Tian appeared in his mind with blurry image of a girl next to him, and he felt frustraited again. But it’s not like he could stop coming here. He started to feel so addicted to this small piece of his life, to the sound of Zheng Xi drums, to heavy vibrations of Jian Yi bass. To He Tian’s voice. He couldn’t resign. He didn’t want to.

However, he didn’t agree to play in the pub. Not that anybody listened to him, no. All that was important was what He Tian said, and Jian Yi immediately picked up the topic. He started to act like the definition of absolute pain in the ass,  eventually  Zheng Xi agreed for his own good.

He looked at the cigarette that was still in his hands. He did’t know when he broke it in half, unconsciously.

_Great._

He started to reach into his pocket when He Tian came around the corner, accompanied by a girl, probably the one Guan Shad had just thought about.

"Little Mo, are you out to greet me?"

"Bite me."

"Do not provoke ~"

"Is this the Mo Guan Shan you told me about?" she asked, watching him closely. He felt a strong perfume smell. Yes, it's definitely the one that has been on his nerves for a week.  
  
“Yes, it’s him. Adorable, isn’t he?” he said and tousled Guan Shan’s hair. He brushed his hand away furiously.

“I’m Yu Fang, nice to finally meet you.” she said with a smile. She was really beautiful, long black hair draped high into a ponytail falling loosely on her arms, full red lips and deep dark eyes were constantly fighting between each other for attention. Well, his blurry image of her will be no longer.

“Finally?”

“He Tian said he tried to bring you along many times this week to the pub, but you refused him all the time. He said so much of you that I really wanted to meet you.”

Guan Shan didn’t say anything at that, just threw furrowed glance at He Tian.

“You’re about to smoke?” asked He Tian “Give me one, then.”  
  
“You will stay here? I’m sorry if I’m rude but can you please walk me inside? I’m a little cold.” she interupted, looking at He Tian with puppy eyes.

_Inside?_

“She wanted to meet the rest and hear us live.” answered He Tian on unsaid question “Sure, I’ll walk you.”

“Thanks!”

_Of course you’re freaking cold, I assume they haven’t shorter jacket in the shop._  Guan Shan thought as they disappeared inside. He reached for a cigarette, when sudden thought run his head. This thought just sounded like Jian Yi’s irritating voice.  _You left  your tabs in view~ What He Tian will do when he sees them~?_

He ran into the building, passing them in a narrow corridor, fell into the room before them. Zheng Xi looked surprised and lost the rhythm, Jian Yi turned to the door, leaning his hands on his hips with an expression saying that he made a final decision that would not stand any resistance and that he was going to announce it right now. Guan Shan did not waste time, he looked around nervously and grabbed his tabs when He Tian and Yu Fang entered the room.

 „I decided, I want to have my own solo intro!” Jian Yi announced, proudly raising his head without noticing the newcomers.

„Solo intro? To which song?”

„What a stupid question is that? To that which we just - "Jian Yi stopped when it reached him, who asked the question" He Tian, you already here? You are earlier than usual."

„Nevertheless late, which usually does not escape your attention. To which song?”

„What?”

„Intro. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Ah, right...well, to one of the... oh, we have a guest?! Maybe you'll introduce us, He Tian, where are your manners! "

Guan Shan listened to the conversation, in the meantime packing his stuff. He Tian turned to face him as Guan Shan unplugged the guitar from the amplifier. He leaned, hiding it into the guitar case.

“That voice ... You must be Jian Yi! So there is Zhan Zheng Xi behind the drums, right? „ she smiled „I'm Yu Fang, nice to meet you!”

"Where are you going?" He Tian asked softly, standing over him as he fastened the case. The others did not pay any attention to them, Jian Yi acted as if his favorite performer stood in front of him, his mouth did not close.

“I have to go. Something came up” he murmured quietly, not looking up at him and making sure that the zippers were properly fastened.

„Just today? Or just  _now?”_

Guan Shan straightened up, tossing his bagback over his shoulder and grabbing the handle of the case with his other hand.

"What's up to you?" he growled, trying not to attract attention of Jian Yi, who had just entertained Yu Fang with a fabulous story. The girl laughed. His irritation got stronger "It's not your business what I do with my spare time."

„You don’t have spare time right now. You have a rehearsal.”

“Fuck off, you will not decide what I do.” he growled, passing him by. He Tian shook his hand violently on his chest, pushing him back.

“I said you have a rehearsal right now.” He Tian hissed, dropping a fake mask of patience. „You’re not going anywhere.”

“He Tian, stop pissing me off.” he shook his hand away, feeling his anger rise, He Tian clenched his hand on his jacket, Guan Shan immediately grabbed his wrist.

„What the heck are you doing? She came here to listen, it’s our chance” he said quietly, scowling at him.

„Don’t you know my part? You can connect them, cut the sound a little here, a little there, there is no need for two guitars, you can make it somehow work." He jerked his hand, He Tian did not loosen his grip. "Let me go.” he gave him a pissed look.

 „Redhead, are you going somewhere?”

Guan Shan swore under his breath, He Tian finally let him go without taking his eyes off of him.

"Yeah, I made an appointment for today," he lied, passing He Tian.

„But – wait, play just two songs, just for Yu Fang could -„

„I’ve never said I will play anywhere. Stop making decisions for me, would you?” he growled, refraining from the insults  „Nice to meet you.” he grunted to the girl before he slammed the door behind himself.

"Sorry for that, Yu Fang, he's a shy cat ~" He Tian said to relieve tension "Jian Yi, do not make such a face! Zhan Zheng Xi, please start ~ "

*

Guan Shan turned on the console, settling himself comfortably on the sofa. He flew with the controller after the installed games, finally choosing the one that Jian Yi has been spamming him on the chat for a long time. The game greeted him with some cutscenes from which he remembered the first 10 seconds before his thoughts went their way.

It all was way too frustrating for him. Each of He Tian glances he gave him as he sang, each touch on his neck as he threw his arm on him, each whisper he said when he wanted something from him. It was harder and harder to pretend it didn’t affect him at all. With all his actions He Tian was waking up old feelings that were now more hungry than ever, with double strength, letting know about their existance. And he was creating new feelings as well, more powerful, more greedy, more possessive. Guan Shan strenuously tried to  pushed them back into the pit from which they crawled out, along with his new desires. He knew there’s no point in denying they are here. But he still tried, even if he was aware it slowly has no sense, especially because of his reaction on this fucking touches, voice, glances, smell.  _Smell_. Yu Fang's laughter echoed in his head again, it was like an extremely obtrusive mosquito trying to buzz his life off above his head in hot summer night. And just like a mosquito, it was difficult to get rid of.

It pissed him that a little perfume was enough to make his thoughts circulate around He Tian more than needed. Although he agreed to come to the pub once more, he refused him every time, excused himself however he could. He did not want to think about it more than he already thought. Which was ridiculous that such a small trifle could make him feel that way. And probably that was what pissed him out the most.

He knew he need to find a way out of this, find some way to distract himself. Before he gets too deep into it. Again.

The sound of the ringing phone called him out from his thoughts, at this point he realised that the cutscene has long ended and his character has been standing motionless among general noise coming out of the screen.

He reached for the phone lying on the table, looked at the caller's contact, and rejected it. He did not want to argue with him now, before sleep. Game, game, focus on something else. Before he gave a "restart", the phone rang again, Guan Shan had the impression that he was doing it now with redoubled force, as if the device itself could convey the irritation of He Tian. He reached for the phone again, switching to vibration mode.

He started the game, ignoring the dancing device on his table. Eventually, it was silenced, after a while it buzzed briefly. After a moment, there was a buzz again. Guan Shan again lost his focus on the game, his curiosity won.

He Tian, 23:13  
„If you will not pick up, I’ll come to you.”

He Tian 23:15  
„Do you miss me so much? Omw.”

Guan Shan swore, violently grabbing the phone with his other hand, releasing the controller who had dropped to the floor with a dull thump. He swore a second time, picking it up from the ground, deciding to click on “Call”.

“Don’t you even dare to come here" he began, checking if the controller reacted to anything. "What did you want?”

“Are you sure? I'm quite close.”

“Yes, I am absolutely sure. What did you want?” he asked again, trying to sound calm.

“Tomorrow evening, do you have time off?”

“...”

“Little Mo, I’m still close.”

“... yes, I have time.” he growled, giving up any attempts to escape it. He run out of excuses anyway.

“We see each other tomorrow, then. Don’t try to get away, I advise you well.”

“Are you threatening me, you fucker?”

“Ok, I decide I will come to you after all.”

“OK, OK, I get it! See you tomorrow!” he yelled, ending the call.

He leaned his head against the back of the sofa, releasing the phone from one hand, and the useless now controller from the other.

*

“... do you realize that we will see each other tomorrow?” he began, forcing himself to absolute peace. They were still lack of service, so apart from running around the kitchen, he had to be able to serve his own dishes. Flying out from the kitchen again, he saw Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi sitting by the bar, Jian Yi was piercing him with his eyes, forcing him to stop ignoring them so ostentatiously. He knew Jian Yi want to talk about yesterday’s evening, Guan Shan didn’t want  to argue about it right now, particular that he knew that in the evening he would go through exactly the same thing.

„What the fuck was that, yesterday?” Jian Yi hissed , ignoring the warning glances of Guan Shan “Really, did you have to behave like that?”

„Jian Yi...can we not speak about it  _here_?”

“No, damn, we can’t!” Jian Yi slammed his fist down the counter, several guests turned in their direction, whispering among themselves.

„Fuck, I’m working here, stop making scenes” Guan Shan said, lowering his voice, clenching fists “Zheng Xi, I thought you were the sensible one, why would you bring me a little bomb to work?”

“I came to eat something” he replied, grabbing Jian Yi's shoulder as he opened his mouth again "Besides, He Tian invited us here. We are waiting for him."

„... just make him calm down. I don’t have time for this, I’m going back to work.”

Returning to the kitchen, he ran into someone on the way.

"Shit, look how ... hey, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be off today. " he changed his tone as he noticed that he ran into Yin Su, one of the few people with whom he got along without a problem.

„Yeah, as you can see” she replied with a cocky smile „I have heard that you are not doing well and you need my help.”

„What make you think so high about yourself, huh?” he smiled as she punched him on his arm “Alright, alright. Like hell I would say anything to call you here on your free day. This asshole’s doing?”

“Well, yeah, but I need more money so it’s ok. Go back to the kitchen, I’ll take care of the guests right now.”

He was grateful to her, especially if He Tian was going to drag his ass here as well. He disappeared into the kitchen the moment he heard Jian Yi greeting her happily.

*

„Fucking, finally” said Jian Yi with full mouth „you’ll still pay for this” he added, pointing quickly between his and Zheng Xi meals „you were the one who invited us here.”

“Well, you could wait for me then.” he respond, sitting next to him “Wait, I’m late like two minutes, how long are you here?”

“ We came earlier, I wanted to talk to Redhead.”

„... and what, did you manage to? I bet you just pissed him off. "

„As if you didn’t do that all the time!”

„Well, not always, sometimes I’m able to make him show different expressions.”

“Like what?”

“Not telling~”

”I bet disgust” said Jian Yi, loading another portion into his mouth.

He didn’t answer, he saw this once on Guan Shan’s face. He didn’t want to see this again, especially if he was it’s reason.

„How can I help you?” said Yin Su, approaching them.

_Oh, a girl that can make Little Mo laugh._

“Yin Su, he’ll pay for us as well, count it to his bill, please” said Zheng Xi calmly, taking another bite of his meal.

She looked at him, He Tian just nodded.

„Can I ask Mo Guan Shan for a moment?”

“I am terribly sorry, at this moment he will not be able to leave the kitchen.”

"Don’t be so formal with him" Jian Yi put in, when he finally dealt with what he had in his mouth "He Tian - Yin Su, Yin Su - He Tian. We play together, he’s a friend of Redhead."

„ Oh! That’s right, I saw you with Guan Shan some time ago. Nice to meet you.”

_‘Guan Shan’ ?_

“Pleasure here. Are you saying that he has no chance of coming to us for a while?”

“At this point, he doesn’t know where to put his hands in, so I don’t think so. Besides, I really don’t want to approach him as he is in this state." she grinned "So? Maybe I can help in choosing the dish?”

“It will not be necessary” he replied with a smile, taking a notebook and a pen from her hands. He wrote his order, gave it with the words "Thank you, that's all" and then turned to Jian Yi and Zheng Xi when she left them alone.

“Ok, we’ll do like this...”

*

„Thanks for the meal, like always your beef stew was delicious~”

“You know I can cook other meals, don’t you?” he answered as the door closed behind him. They began to head towards the pub.

„You could always make for me something different, you know my taste.”

“Well, your order ‘  _You know what I want_ ’ was clear enough. Why the heck did you guys came in the first place? I don’t have time to chat with you at work.”

„Last time you didn’t bring me food like I told you, this time I wanted to be sure I’ll eat properly. And eating alone is not fun at all ~ ”

They walked in silence for quite some time, Guan Shan was waiting for quarrel to start. It didn’t come, so he decide to spoke first.

“So? Nothing to say to me, like Jian Yi? No yells?”

„No, I will not.” he answered, after a while he added “She liked it, after all. But she said something’s missing, and we know she spoke about your play. I want you to play with us, Little Mo.”

“This band stuff was supposed to make me relax, not make things harder.”

“They are harder because you make them so. It was supposed to make you forget about daily shitty things. Is it not?”

_Yeah, it is. Now I don’t thing about work daily stuff, now I think about you, you idiot._  As he would say that to him.

They reached the pub, Guan Shan went in after He Tian. It was more quiet compared to last time he was here. He looked at the stage, apparently no band today has performance, the music was played from the speakers. They stopped at the bar, He Tian ordered beers for them.

“And, to be clear” he said, as he tried to localize Yu Fang in meantime “I will not play if you will not. So it’s your decision after all.”

“Hey! That’s not fair, Jian Yi will be more pain in the ass than ever! You guys can play without me! You can rearrange some riffs!” Guan Shan yelled, grabbing his arm as he turned around to go away.

“Not my problem.” he said, putting beer in Guan Shan’s hand “There she is, come.”

He felt sudden need of throwing his bottle of beer at He Tian’s stupid head, but he stopped himself from doing so. He throw several curses under his nose, and went after him. Yu Fang was sitting at the table, browsing through her phone, when she noticed them she put it screen down.

“He Tian! And Mo Guan Shan as well! I’m happy to see you here!” she said with sweet smile as they sat at her table.

“We too~”

_As hell you fucker._

“It’s nice you have some time today, Mo Guan Shan” she smiled at him, as he took a sip of beer “I really wanted to hear all of you last time!”

“...Something came up. You saw my rush after my stuff.” he added, trying to make it obvious that he had to go, even if that wasn’t true.

“Don’t take me wrong, I understand it completly. But, still you said something about not wanting to play, didn’t you?” she said with a smirk, Guan Shan bite his tongue.  _Fuck, forgot about that._

“He was just angry at our small quarrel back then, right Little Mo?~” He Tian said as he leaned at him, throwing his arm at him.

“Fuck, stop that, you idiot!” he hissed, as he tried to push him away, no effect of it.

“Watch your language, lady’s here~”

“No need for it, He Tian, but I appreciate your concern.” she said with laugh. 

He Tian reached his phone as the mutted note was coming from his pocket. Doing so, he didn’t miss a chance to grab Guan Shans neck, touching his hairs with circled movement of his finger. Guan Shan felt shiver went down his spine.

“Yeah? What? Wait a minute, I don’t hear you good.” he put the phone to his chest “Sorry, I’ll be back in a moment.”

„Take your time!” she said after him as he went away, Guan Shan tried to get rid of the feeling He Tian left on him as he touched all his neck length with each of his finger.

Yu Fang watched him as soon as he disappeared from her sight, turned to look at Guan Shan, placing her chair closer to him.

„How long do you guys know each other?”

„...from middle school.”

„Wow, it’s a long time! You are really close!”

„...I wouldn’t call it like that.”

„You probably know if he’s seeing with someone right now, don’t you?” she asked, ignoring his previous answer. She surprised him with her directness. He took a sip, wondering what to answer.

„You should ask him about that kind of stuff.” he finally replied, putting the beer on the table, still holding it in his hand. Looking at the beer label turned out to be very interesting.

„Mo Guan Shan, you know I wouldn’t ask him directly that ~ So? Could you help me here a little bit, hm?”

_But you’re asking me, instead?_

He looked at her, she stared at his lips, waiting for the words she wanted to hear. The words he didn’t want to say. He clenched his hand on the bottle. He could not lie, if he did, it would soon come to light and He Tian would not make it easy for him. He didn’t want to share the truth with her either, the thought alone made him feel something inside him tighten.

"As I said before" he began cautiously, taking another sip of beer, "we're not so close. I have no idea what he's doing in his free time."

"As far as I know, he spends his free time with you, guys" she replied with a triumph, straightening up in her chair "so I can safely assume that he does not meet anyone." She looked as if she'd won the lottery. ”But, I have to admit I’m concern about the number of girls he has been with” she said, as she took her phone from the table, showing him the photos he didn’t really want to see. He took his eyes again on the beer label, clenching his teeth, feeling old memories started to wave at him “It’s so many of them here! But I don’t know how he is now, since the last photo was added more than a year ago.” she added, looking again at the screen.

“Oh I see you’re watching He Tian’s social? Nothing new there, it’s dead for long time ~” Jian Yi said, sitting next to her and glancing at the screen. A little blush cover her cheeks, as she hide her phone.

“What the heck are you doing here?” asked Guan Shan, glad he can focus on something else. He definitely preferred quarrel about yesterday's evening than this conversation right now.

“He Tian told us to come here, but I get lost so he has to come for us” he said, as he look behind “they’re coming too.”

Zheng Xi sat beside Jian Yi, passing him his beer and saying his hello to the rest. He Tian throw his arm again on Guan Shan as he sat down next to him. He went for his neck like it was absolutely normal thing to do. Guan Shan pushed him with more force, the photos were still fresh burning before his eyes. He Tian didn’t give up, again and again trying to break into his personal space.

 “But, I want to ask you something, He Tian” said Jian Yi like he was talking about shopping list “ How is that you have never dated a ginger girl? I thought you have some kind of ginger hair kink, since you are so clingly to Redhead ~”

Zheng Xi obviously had a problem with swallowing beer, which he already had in his mouth. Guan Shan on the other hand, just spat it out right at Jian Yi’s  face.

“Fuck, Redhead, you spat it out on me all over!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Guys, lady is here, just for you to remember.”

“I’m terrible sorry” said Zheng Xi to amused Yu Fang between the curses that were throw at the moment “He’s just incredibly stupid.”

“No, no need to, Zhan Zheng Xi, I think you all are gorgeous!” she said as she wiped off a tear from her eye, trying to not laugh so hard  “Oh, sorry, I’ll be right back, I hope that I will not miss anything!” she said as someone was calling her from the bar.

“How stupid are you, Jian Yi!” Zheng Xi said, punching him in head “You want to play here or not? What are you asking with her around, idiot?”

“What?! She was the one who was scrolling through He Tian’s profile and spoke about it with Redhead! I just remembered that one thing, wanted to know...”

“Ever heard about ‘right place, right time’ thing?” he asked again, punching him once more.

“XiXi, you’re so mean!”

“You were talking about me with her?” He Tian asked, as the other two were still arguing.

“...she was asking about you, she’s certainly interested.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So, He Tian? How is that?” said Jian Yi, Zheng Xi looked at him with a look on his face saying "Am I talking to the wall ?!"

“How is it? Isn’t it obvious~ Redhead is only one for me~” He smirked, tousling Guan Shan’s hair.

“The fuck?! Get this perverted hands of yours away from me!”

“Ok seriously, just stop this at this moment” said Zheng Xi, putting his beer on the table “we need to talk, right?”

“Yeah, ok. I have enough for now” said Jian Yi, rubbing his head “So, Redhead! About your behaviour yesterday-”

“Fuck off, Jian Yi, you said enough for today.”

“The heck? What’s the problem? If they will like us, maybe they will pay us...”

“And where that idea came from?” said He Tian rising his eyebrows “they will not. We would play for free. If we would become a band that draw people here, that’s different. But not right now, for sure.”

“Looking at that she want us here it means Yu Fang saw something in our play, right?”

“She also said something’s missing.” He Tian said, playing with a cigarette in his fingers. He couldn’t smoke inside.

“And that’s were we are coming back to you, Redhead!”

“Oh, that’s not all.” He Tian said, looking at Guan Shan. He knew what he’s going about to say.  _Great, bring it on._ “Even if Yu Fang would say we can play without him, I will not do so. I’ll play only if Little Mo will play.”

They both froze, and like on command, looked at Guan Shan and started to talk at the same time.

“Oh come one, Redhead, what’s the harm here?”

“Do I need to explain myself to you?”

“Actually, it would be nice!” “Where’s the problem? You’re shy?”

“Scram! I’m not! I don’t feel any need to play on the stage, is it that hard to understand?”

“WELL, YES!” “WELL, YES!”

“I told you already, it’s difference between playing on the stage and in the room!”

“Right, there are other emotions with this change as well! I want to feel it by myself, how it is to play on the stage! And I’m not talking about some big, world stage, I’m just talking about stage in some pub!”

“Every band that play for fun goes eventually for this kind of events, why stop in the room?” “You don’t even know if you would like it or not! Check it out if you have a chance!”

“Zheng Xi, are you saying you want to go somewhere beyond that as well? Don’t count on me!”

“No, I don’t. But I don’t get why we wouldn’t try it. ” “What do you mean, you don’t, XiXi?!”

Guan Shan was shocked with Zheng Xi expression. He looked very determinated, as it was something important to him. Jian Yi was like, well, Jian Yi. But Zheng Xi too? The heck was wrong with them? What make them so into this idea? He took a glance at He Tian, he looked like he just needed some popcorn to watch this with full fun.

“Just, give it a shot, just once.” said Zheng Xi, not taking his eyes off of him.

Guan Shan wiped his eyes. He will regret this.

“...last time...”

“What did you said?”

“I said it’s the last time, you get it?!” he yelled at them, giving each of them furious glance “This is the last time I’ll agree to what you want, is it clear?!”

“Relax, Redhead, it’s not like you have to sing here ~”

He stood up so quickly he turned the chair he was sitting on, clenching his hands on Jian Yi shirt. It was so sudden Zheng Xi didn’t have time to react on this.

“Watch your mouth, Jian Yi” he hissed right at his face, feeling he’s about to explode.

“Ok, ok, we’re good here” He Tian decide to intervene, separating them. “So, everything is settled, then?”

“This will be one shot.” Guan Shan said, still glaring at Jian Yi furiously “If I don’t like it, you will leave me alone. Understood?”

“Yes!”

“So, let’s start it, shall we?” said He Tain.

“What? First she should listen to full squad, right?”

“Yes, and she will” he pointed with his chin at the stage “ Nobody’s there today. And you look like you need some play here ~”

“Wha- I don’t have the guitar with me, Jian Yi and you as well.”

“They have all here, you see drums at the stage, right?”

“...I fucking hate you. You’ve planned it all, didn’t you?”

“That hurts ~”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guan Shan took a look at the crowd near the stage. _Fuck. So many people here._ He thought he will not be worried about it and that he will not care at all. But seeing so many people now start to stress him out. Guan Shan felt his hands begin to sweat. _Shit, which song was supposed to be first?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> 4th chapter is ready, I realised each chapter is longer than previous one, but I think it's ok like that?  
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy it!

“Thank you, please come again!” Guan Shan heard as he left the shop with his hands full of bags.  He should take gloves, it was snowing already and his hands quickly became numb.

Since few days he has been constantly coming back with his thought to the rehearsal in the pub. He was so angry at them, He Tian tricked him so perfectly well, setting both of Jian Yi (well, him he didn’t need to convince) and Zheng Xi (here lies the big disappointment! ) to attack him like that. He Tian showed Yu Fang thumbs up as she came to him, talking about settings the instruments up. Pub member gave to Guan Shan a guitar that cried at his direction, begging for the replacement of the strings. Guan Shan scoffed then, thinking that’s even better, the sound will be shitty, Yu Fang will be not satisfied,  Jian Yi will cry over it for a while and everything will be solved by itself. But as soon as they started to play the anger that was in him took control over him and he played like he always used to, not worrying about whether the strings will break if he’ll use too much force. But they didn’t, and sound itself wasn’t so shitty as Guan Shane expect it to be. He Tian looked very pleased, throwing at Guan Shans direction long glances like he always does when they played, but this time they were making Guan Shan feel uncomfortable - Yu Fang was stearing at them all the time.

“That’s it! That what was missing here!” she clapped her hands when they finished – just four songs, that was what Guan Shan was able to argue “considering that you were able to play on  _this_ , I'm seriously impressed!”

“Did you double test me right here?!” Guan Shan said, welcoming his anger back again.

“I will contact you guys, need to talk with others about that, but, Mo Guan Shan – think it throught, will you? I think you have a chance here!” she added as she blinked at him. He frowned at her even more than usually, but she just smiled back at him. Guan Shan didn’t know it was that she quickly got used to his expression after this one evening with him, or maybe it was He Tian’s stories about him making her so. There were not many people in the pub that evening, and those who were were mostly busy with themselves at tables away from the stage. Not that Guan Shan cared about it. Absolutely not.

He put the bags at the table when he reached his flat. So, yeah, he was thinking about it. First what he said to Jian Yi was “I didn’t like it at all. So, things are solved, right?” but Jian Yi reminded him it was just a normal rehearsal. Guan Shan had to admit it to him. Probably that’s why Guan Shan didn’t feel nothing special at all. Maybe except for an extraordinary anger – because of Jian Yi extremaly irritating mouth back then.  
He did not manage to pull off his jacket when he heard the doorbell.

“You going out?” asked He Tian as he opened the door.

“What are you doing here?”

He Tian looked at his reddened face and put his hand to Guan Shans cheek to make sure it’s from cold. Guan Shan flinched.

“I assume you don’t.” he said as he went inside, taking off his shoes.

“Hey, don’t invite yourself in-” Guan Shan stopped as he felt the scent He Tian bring with him.  _Great, I don’t need her smell here._  “ You met with Yu Fang.”  he heard words leaving his mouth before he bit his tongue, he pull off the jacket to make himself busy and not have to look at He Tian right now.

“How do you know?”

 “What did she say?” he decided to ignore He Tian’s question.

“You’re interested here, good~” he teased him, he continued as he saw Guan Shan’s finger “Not much, honestly, she’s dragging the matter all the time, saying the next time she will know more for sure.”

“Got it. So, why are you here?” Guan Shan added as he started to taking his shoppings out of the bag.

“Actually, I wanted to say you this.”

“You could just call me or message me, no need for you to comming here. And now get the fuck out, it’s late.”

“We can play some games ~”

_We can’t. Because of you I broke the controller, asshole._

“Not tonight. Get the fuck out, I have work tomorrow.”

“Not tonight? So which night is good for you?~”

“...none. Get out.” Guan Shan leaned forward, putting the products into the fridge.

“Don’t be so rude here, I came especially to you, Little Mo~ I brought live concert here to watch, don’t you want to?”

“Whose?”

“Find out yourself ~”

Guan Shan didn’t say anything, just wiped his eyes, he knew it’s no point to argue with him, he looked at the clock.

“Fine, but as soon as it ends you will be not here.”

“I thought I rather would spend the night ~”

“Get out immediately.“

“What’s the problem, your bed is big enough ~”

“OUT. NOW.”

* 

A few days later, Guan Shan stretched in his bed, yawning. He couldn’t remember the last time he could afford such a long sleep. He looked at his watch, scowled that he had to get out of bed, he still had plans for today. He finally got day off. Guan Shan thought that if this will last any longer he will just break apart. They finally manage to hire three more persons that passed all Slave Master’s criteria. For now, Guan Shan knew this jerk can’t stand when it was too peacefully at his workplace, he’ll definitly find something to yell at. Well, not Guan Shans problem for now, he will have a holiday quite soon, he hoped it will be when Slave Master decides to show his true nature to the newbies.

Yin Su asked him for help in buying a game for her brother’s birthday, Guan Shan was not too eager, but he needed a controller for himself, so he agreed to go with her to the store. Good was that he did not have to advise her - she knew the title of the game, but she was afraid that she didn’t know much about games and because of that she will end up with some fake one.  _Well, whatever_.  
Guan Shan has been waiting for her twenty minutes already, he started to get pissed off.  _Fuck, she wanted my help, why is she late!_ He felt his phone ringing.

“If you’ll say  _now_  you will be late, I’m seriously going alone!”

 “Little Mo, where are you right now? You didn’t open the door for me ~”

“...would you stop randomly show your face at my door?” Guan Shan didn’t look at the phone as he answered it.

“Not polite of you, I just wanted to see you.”

“Scram.”

“Where are you? I hear you’re outside, you’re meeting with someone?”

 “...I’m shopping.”

“Alone?”

“What’s up to you.”

“...buy some more food, you’re going to my place.”

“Not this kind of shopping. Besides, why would I?”

“The guys will be there as well. We will discuss some band matters, it would be nice to write something new.”

 _Well, actually._ He saw Yin Su out of breath reaching him, saying something like “Bus...didn’t make it...sorry...”

“If I feel like it, I will come.” he entered the shop with her, the girl from personel welcomed them “I’m hanging up - Wait a second, I need something for myself.” Guan Shan said to Yin Su as he went for the shelfs he was interested in. He grimaced at the price of the controller.

“New gadget for you? I see you have some money to spend from your extra hours at work, hm?”

“I didn’t plan it to spend them for that. Unexpected expenditure.” Guan Shan hesitate, but finally took the controller trying to push it’s price away from his head. They went for the shelfs with games, Guan Shan just reached the game and passed it to Yin Su.

“Here. Was it so hard?”

“...you are buying something for yourself as well, so stop it!” she grinned, looking at the price “WHAT? Why he has so expensive hobby, damn!”

„If you’re going to complain like that, don’t buy anything. It’s not that you have to, right?

“I’m just such a good sister, you see~ So leave me my complains, that’s all what will left for me when I pay for this.”

 “I heard you played last time in some pub, right?!” she asked with enthusiasm as they reached the cash registers. Her eyes were sparkling as she looked at him.

“How did you learn about this?”

“How could you, Guan Shan, you told me you guys just play for yourself! I heard it from brother, he was there that evening and he recognized you.”

“We do! We did! It’s... it was just for some chick from that pub.” he mumbled as he passed the controller to the bored cashier.

“Really? And they just like that, let you do whatever you want with their place?”

“... the rest of guys want to try to play there occasionally” he said as he gave money to the guy. He literally heard his wallet was crying right now “We didn’t actually play, it was just a rehearsal for the owner’s daughter to check if we are good enough.”

“Wow, she has such a power to choose a band?”

“Apparently is what she’s doing there.”

“And? Did you passed her test? Will you play? If so you have to tell me or I’ll get mad!”

“Why should I care about your mood? Alright, alright!” he said quickly as she tried to punch him  “I don’t know, she still didn’t say anything about that, so I think probably not?”

“You’re kidding me here, my brother said their like it.”

“Who?”

“His friends.”

“Just polite words of theirs. I hate when people do that, it’s so fucking fake, not saying the truth, based their opinions on whether they know people privately or not - stop that!” he growled as she managed to punch him this time at arm. The cashier just rolled his eyes up, mumbling something under his nose.

“They said it before he recognized you. They didn’t know who was playing before that.”

He looked at her as she was paying for her shopping. Really? The liked it?

“Oh! Did you knew Slave Master took a week off?” she asked with huge smile as they went out on the street.

“Great, I will not have to look at his face for some time.”

“He’s moving out.”

“Now this is interesting. Out of town? Of country? Of continent?!”

“He would just quit then, not take free days. No, he’s just changing a flat.”

“... so why you bother to tell me this. Useless information.” he said, honestly disapointed.

She shrugged, pointing at right side.

“I’m going this way. Thank you for help!  See you at work!”

Guan Shan nodded as she walked away, returning to earlier conversation in his mind. People liked it. Even when he played on such shitty equipment. He had to admit that it was a nice feeling after all, that some strange people said positive opinions on their play. He caught himself on he wanted to know more details about this.

“There you are, Little Mo ~”

“Shit!” Guan Shan jumped at the feeling of sudden breath at his neck, releasing the bag from his hand. The controller falled on the ground. He looked at the bag at his feet, feeling himself shaking from anger.

“I’ll fucking kill you if it’s broken because of you again!”

“Again?”

“...just fuck off!”

 

It was not a surprise He Tian just drag him to his apartment, they make some shopping before as well. The apartment  was exactly like Guan Shan remebered it – huge and empty with trash bin filled with take-out boxes. What has changed was the new fat volumes scattered here and there, probably for He Tians studies. Jian Yi and Zheng Xi were already there, playing some games. Guan Shan make them all came to help him in the kitchen if they want to eat, after not more than 5 minutes he threw them out with loud “YOU ALL ARE USELESS! GET THE FUCK OUT FROM HERE!” When they ate, they sat on the sofa and as for Guan Shan, the torment has started. First, because they couldn’t agree to absolutely anything they were proposing to each other, second – because of He Tian that has been constantly invading his space.

 “Check this out.” said Jian Yi as he finished writing.

“No way, it’s lame.” said Guan Shan as he read first verse of lyrics with He Tian’s head next to his as the other one was reading it as well. Guan Shan threw the page on the table not to bother to read all of it, trying to move away from He Tian again, not that it succeed this time.

“WHAT? How dare you, it-...do you remember that it’s not YOU who sing here?“

Guan Shan froze, He Tian just said “Sorry Jian Yi, but I agree with him here.” Guan Shan again felt hand on his hair, then on his neck, then soft circled movement of long fingers as He Tian was leaning his arm on him.  _Shit, I’m so screwd._

“What, you would prefer if I would sweet talk to you about something so shitty?” Guan Shan said, trying to not think of what he was thinking right now.

“What is wrong with it?”

“Everything, starting from first word. This is going to nowhere, let’s make a break.”  _I definitely need one right now._ Guan Shan stood from his place, reaching the controller and sitting down on the floor, away from He Tian.

“Because you’re stubborn,that’s why!”

He Tian scoffed as he stand in search of the cigarettes . Guan Shan didn’t thought his stubborness was the reason here. Making songs because “you need to write it right now” was not good at all. It lacked of  _this_  thing that made you actually   _feel_ – feel emotions that brought you memories, or that they were in you at that moment, or that may appear when you hear first note. They lacked of power that made you feel goosebumps, that will make something inside you tremble from excitment.  Making some simple riffs and adding random words to make it sound “quite good” was not good at all, it felt fake. They needed songs that Jian Yi wrote as he felt inspired, they were full of everything – they had meaning, they had great sound, they could live by themselves. He Tian’s voice would sound amazing on them. Not that he will admit it out loud.

“Jian Yi” he called to him quietly when he saw He Tian is far enough. Jian Yi was still sulking at him, but he turned around to face him “Give him one song for now. The one with your bass solo.”

 “Wha- seriously?!”

“Yeah, we will not make anything today. But remove ‘MGS’ from the lyrics part. What?”

“I thought you would sing together...”

“Don’t push your luck here.”

“Ok, ok, I get it.” he said as he started to blur comments on the lyrics quickly “Ready! I’ll show him this~” he stood immediatly, and went to He Tian waving at him with pages in his hand.

“Thanks.” said Zheng Xi as he sit next to Guan Shan, reaching the second controller, looking at smiling Jian Yi as He Tian was messing up with his hair when he read tabs from him.

“What for?”

“That you suggested it.”

“Those are his songs, he can do whatever he wants with them.”

“In this songs, you are main character for him. At general, as well.”

“Not anymore” said Guan Shan as he saw He Tian has the guitar already in his hands “It’s just one song. I have others I can do.”

“Just two more.”

“Not really, I wro- yeah, well, it’s ok.”

“What were you about to say?”

“Nothing.” Guan Shan started to curse his tongue in mind.

“You wrote something!”

“No, I didn’t.” he knew it was too late for lying as he finished his sentence, Zheng Xi eyes were sparkling almost like Jian Yi when he’s excited.

“Don’t lie to me! You have it here? Let me see!”

“Are you crazy?! Of course I don’t! And don’t smile like that, there aren’t any drum parts, I can’t write it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle it. Will you send me the record?”

“... fine. But just one. And just the guitar.”

“Lyrics as well. If you don’t want to sing, then just write them.” Zheng Xi said it as it was non-negotiable “And, nice to learn there is more than one~” Guan Shan opened his mouth and closed it, it wasn’t often he saw Zheng Xi teasing him.

“Hey, Little Mo, have you seen what Jian Yi made?”

“Not at all, is it good this time?”

“Why you didn’t show this at the beginning, you would spare us a lot of time” said He Tian, trying to memorize some tab parts as he gave Guan Shan lyrics that the other guy knew by heart.

“Well, I wasn’t sure if it is ready. I don’t have proper part for two guitars, I was thinking it would be great if we can add something here” he pointed at tabs, He Tian phone rang at the moment.

“Wait a second – yes? Yeah...why not...tonight? “ he looked at all of them with smirk, Jian Yi with each second had a wider smile on his face  “Sure, we will be there. See you later~” Little Mo,  Jian Yi  go back for your guitars – we’re going to play tonight.”

*

“I’m so sorry guys, I know it’s sudden but the band that should be on support today before main one suddenly back off, and the tickets are already sold, main band on the other hand can’t start earlier and-“

“It’s ok Yu Fang, really, no need to apologise here. Thanks you thought about us” Zheng Xi tried to calm her down, she was like that since they came.

“But you don’t even  have the time for rehearsal here, I’m pretty sure the settings are the same as when you show your play last time, but-“

“Take it easy, Jian Yi is checking it right now, don’t worry so much about it...Jian Yi! Bass down, I saw it!”

Guan Shan took a look at the crowd near the stage.  _Fuck. So many people here._  He thought he will not be worried about it and that he will not care at all. But seeing so many people now start to stress him out. Guan Shan felt his hands began to sweat.  _Shit, which song was supposed to be first?_

 “You’re nervous?” he felt He Tian’s breath as he whispered to his ear.

“No!” he hissed, getting away from him “Watch out on my guitar, you will untune it!” _Fuck, he definitely untuned it right now. Is the sound good? ... Ok, it’s good._

“Just be yourself and it will be fine” he whispered again as he grab his nape and pull him closer “I’m with you here, nothing to worry about.”

“Fuck off!” he yelled at him.  _Too fucking close, asshole!_

“You see? You’re better now ~” he smiled, letting him go “Let’s start it.”

They started. The lights where out as they entered the stage, setting up in their places. Zheng Xi went first, when he started his play, Jian Yi joined him with deep bass sound. Guan Shan waited for his turn, he joined them as well. They always played faced each other, now he felt strange to have Zheng Xi behind him. Jian Yi was staying with Guan Shan at the same line, He Tian was on the front. When He Tian hit his strings, the lights have been turned on as he started to sing. Guan Shan has to admit the effect was good – at last the public reacted on this with positive screams.  
So many eyes on him...No, no, no, no, no, fucking no way in hell, he didn’t like it, it will be again the first thing he will tell to Jian Yi as they will finish this shit. Why he even agreed on this...  _Fuck!_  He messed up,  _ok, easy, nobody seemed to notice that... Shit, don’t think of it, don’t think of it. It’s just a rehearsal. Yeah, exactly like that, just rehearsal, do your best as always and it will be fine -_ he said to himself as he focused on Zheng Xi rhythm.  _Ok, back on track, it’s good_. He closed his eyes listening to Jian Yi's bass, calming himself a little. He felt throught the bass Jian Yi’s endless energy, he scoffed under his nose,  _how this guy is doing it_. He focus on He Tian’s voice and that was enough for him to make his thoughts go somewhere else. He Tian’s voice right now. The closeness of his body just before they entered the scene. His eyes locked directly at his own. His warm breath when he whispered in his ear. His touch on his neck.  _Damn._  
It didn’t last long, Guan Shan returned with his thoughts as his mind focused on the reality once again – a noise that the crowd next to him was making. And it was definitly a positive one. Finally he made himself to take a look at the audience – and that was surprising. They looked like they really enjoy it, nodding to the rhythm of the drums, repeating verses after He Tian that tried to make some bond with them when he directed the microphone towards them, with each song they were more and more enthusiastic, they were clearly thirsty for more. Guan Shan looked at the back of the public, at place where he stand for the first time as he came here. He saw there some guy, who was waving at his friends behind him, pointing at scene and probably calling them to join him. More and more people were gathering. Guan Shan bowed his head, trying to hide his smile.  _Fuck._  At this moment he felt, he can throw all he got through his guitar. And so he did. 

*

Guan Shan didn’t realise when it was all over. As the first minutes there were for him a real torture, as soon as he started to enjoy it with the rest, time just pass in the blink of an eye. He passed the main band as they were nodding at them with “Great show guys!”. He looked around for the rest of guys and he stiffened. Well, that was some nice view. He Tian was smiling, speaking with Zeng Xi as the other guy was wiping up sweat from his forhead. He Tian looked... amazing. Out of breath, still talking with Zheng Xi, wiping sweat from his forhead as well, his hair stuck from sweat to the back of his neck. Guan Shan was admiring the shape of He Tian’s body under his t-shirt as it was clearly visible right now, he bit his lip.  _I’m so, soo screwed._ He returned to He Tians face only to learn the other guy was looking at him with cocky smile.  
_Shit!..._ He turned around quickly, knowing it was already too late. He Tian grabbed his nape and pulled him closer, leaning his forhead against Guan Shans. Guan Shan felt He Tian’s quick breath as it escapes his lungs, his chest falling up and down with each of it, t-shirt adhering tight to his sweaty body. Guan Shan swallowed.

“How was that, Little Mo?” he asked, smile didn’t leave his face.

“I-“ it was hard to focus right now, he felt he’s starting to burn “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? I think you really liked it!” he said with this smirk of his, messing up his hair. “You were amazing.”

“L-let me go” he mumbled, angry at himself his voice sound so weak right now, shoving him off.

“Hey! Don’t you agree that was awesome!?” said Jian Yi as he jumped at them, throwing his arms on each of them. “Wow, you’re really sweaty here, He Tian!”

“Try to play, jump and sing for my place, we will see how you would be like. I’ll definitely play without it next time. If we will.” he said, trying to put some air between his body and t-shit by pulling it away from his chest.

_You’re killing me, don’t even think about it..._

“Well, the women's part of the audience will be delighted~”

“Hey guys, that was something!” Yu Fang approached them as the next band started their show. She stopped her gaze at He Tian, practically devouring him with her eyes.  _Not that I have any rights to point this, I was doing exactly the same thing...and got caught on it...fuck..._  Guan Shan wanted to hide himself away in some dark pit right now. “How’s your impressions from the first performance?”

“AMAZING!” Jian Yi jumped to her with sparkling eyes, He Tian immediately pulled Guan Shan closer.

“Well, I’m pretty sure the crowd there like it too. We will see after some time how it will look like. But, in my opinion -  it was really great!”

He Tian’s fingers were playing with his hairs, Guan Shan was thinking what he should do now, he felt paralyzed.

“So, Little Mo” said He Tian quietly, as Jian Yi was describing to Yu Fang his emotion during the play “ it’s tonight the night I can finally stay over?”

“THE FUCK?!”

“Video games, just video games~”

* 

“And the people there, did you see it?! That was...I have no words, but I felt like-“

“Jian Yi, we were there as well, do you remember?” Zheng Xi stopped him with light smile under his nose, as he finished checking his drums.

“Honesty? In some moments I don’t! Like, you know, I was there, I knew you were there, but this-”

“Jian Yi” Zheng Xi stopped him again “We know. We have the same experience, we were talking about it already. This you also don’t remember?”

“I remember! But why is taking them so long to give an answer to us?”

“You know they have theirs schedule with bands that play?”

“But they could just tell ‘yes, you can play’ at general! Not important  _when_ , important that  _we can_!”

“They could also say ‘sorry, but no’, remeber that. But yeah, you’re right, they could say at last this much.”

“They will not say ‘no’! People liked it, you saw it yourself!”

“Can we just start before He Tian will show up?” Guan Shan was finally able to say something as Jian Yi was catching his breath.

“I want to try this one you sent me, Guan Shan” said Zheng Xi, not allowing Jian Yi to continue “I finished drum part and want to know what do you think about it. Jian Yi, you have the bass for this?”

“Not completed, couldn’t focus for the past few days. You know why?”

“We know, stop it already. What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Why are you standing with your back at me?”

“We should practice the same way like it is on the stage! We should move this amplifier more this way as well....”

Guan Shan started to play, not wanting to waste any more time that they already did. Since their support concert  Jian Yi has been constantly speaking about it, and each of this conversation or rather monologues  ended with questions to him “Redhead, will we play if they say ‘yes’ ? What do you think? You didn’t say anything at all! Did you liked it?!”

Well, Guan Shan liked it after all. Leaving the stress feeling behind, it was really great to see the crowd reacted like that on their play, he didn’t expect that. He wanted to see more of this, how will they react on other their songs, will they enjoy it as well? Or maybe they were just waiting for the main band, and they just played along to welcome them? Guan Shan didn’t know but what he knew was that the rehearsals weren’t enough somehow. Each time He Tian came to them he waited for any news from him. And that was clear for him that he already has an answer for Jian Yi.

*

Guan Shan wasn’t surprised as he saw He Tian’s contact on the screen. He was calling him everyday so he get used to it. He even started to wait on this calls.  _Great, Guan Shan, just great._  But right now it wasn’t a good time to talk.

“Hey Little Mo, what are you doing?”

“Figuring out new dish for work. I’m busy, what do you want?”

“I want to make some cover, would you help me with it?”

“It depends on what you want... Shit! I can’t talk right now, don’t bother me.”

“I wanted to sing it for you, but I hear you have some issues there ~  I will send you a record of vocal, listen to it carefuly, will you?”

“Yeah, yeah... fuck! I’m hanging out!” he started to fight with fire on the pan.  _Fucking He Tian, just distracted me._ He got a message after a few minutes, when he took control over the situation in the kitchen, he clicked at “play” on the voice message form He Tian, not stopping chopping the vegetables, and not taking his eyes off of the pan.

 _I hold on so nervously_  
_To me and my drink_  
_I wish it was cooling me_

Guan Shan wasn’t sure if it is He Tian itself or actually his voice that make him feel weird each time he heard it in songs. He liked the emotions this voice was carring along, he liked its tone. And as for the owner of it, well...He Tian's image how he look like after their concert didn’t want to disappear from his mind, Guan Shan hoped that day by day it will become more faded, indistinct, and finally it went away. Or at last it will not call this feelings in him. But no, of course, it was completely opposite of what he hoped for – this image was so clear in his mind that it didn’t give him peace even, or rather,  _especially_  during his sleep. Even now as he heard this fucking song, He Tian was before his eyes, t-shirt tightly close to his body, on which the muscle sculpture hidden under were clearly imprinted. Not sure if it’s the voice, not sure, if it’s it’s owner. Probably both of it. The one thing he was sure was that seeing He Tian in this state wasn’t good for him. Absolutely not.  
He realised he didn’t focus on lyrics at all. He returned his thoughts back to reality.

 _I hold out for one more drink_  
_Before I think_  
_I’m looking too desperately_

“Wait a minute, I know this song...what was it, again...”

 _Well I’m still imagining_  
_A dark lit place_  
_Or your place or my place_

“Oh...shit...”

 _Well I’m not paralyzed_  
_But, I seem to be struck by you_  
_I wanna make you move_  
_Because you’re standing still_

 _If your body matches_   _  
_What your eyes can do__

He stopped the player with quick tap on his phone, feeling himself burning as never before. He knew He Tian saw him staring at him, but He Tian didn’t point it until now. Good he didn’t sing it directly thorugh the phone, Guan Shan would not be able to calm himself if he had to comment it. “I WILL NEVER PLAY IT WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!” that’s what he wanted to type. He hide his burning face in his hand, took a deep breath and as calm as he could be right now, he wrote simple “Not interested”. He put his phone down, took the pan and threw out completly now burned food.

*

His phone has beens buzzing in his pocket all the time when he was in the shop. Guan Shan tried to ignore it the best he could, knowing who is calling him all day long. As he was paying for his shoppings, the phone stopped buzzing just to start doing it over again. He got out from the shop, looking at the screen to see stupid photo of Jian Yi he sent him with demand to set it as his profile one. Guan Shan missed times when his phone was mostly quiet.

“But if so, Redhead, if they will call us, will we play?” Jian Yi said immediately as he picked up.

“Can you leave me some space? You called me like seven times today, one more call and I will seriously block you!” Jian Yi didn’t answer, but Guan Shan felt through the phone he is boiling inside himself. He scoffed.

“Stop laughing at me, Redhead, I heard that! Just tell me already, don’t torture me here!”

He Tian wrote to them he will see with Yu Fang and today she will definitly tell what they’ve decided. Since that message, Jian Yi couldn’t calm himself down, Guan Shan really felt sorry for Zheng Xi who had to deal with Jian Yi right now. Guan Shan would love to tell that he didn’t like it at all , leaving Jian Yi crying over it. He knew it was pointless, though. He wanted to play as well.

“Finally I can say it to you.” he decided to say after few long seconds.

“What do you mean?”

“Relax, Jian Yi.”

“Wha- you reall- YOU’RE SERIOUS HERE?! XIXI?! XIXI!!! Redhead agreed! He - oh my...you really?  Fuck, I-”

“Stop yelling through the phone!”Guan Shan pushed the phone away from his ear, still hearing Jian Yi fail to gather his thoughts together “You happy now? Great, so sit at your ass and wait until they actually decide they want us to play. Then you will celebrate. I’m hanging out, my hand’s freezing!”

Guan Shan put his hands with bags handles to the pockets, started to heading back home.  
He really couldn’t wait for that. He was excited, he felt that Yu Fang had good news for them, but nevertheless he would like to know for sure. For a moment he even wanted to call He Tian, but he gave up the idea, he decided to wait. Now Guan Shan only has to get used to the fact that he will again admire their singer in  _this_  state.  _Shit, I can’t take it no longer_. Maybe he should react on He Tian finally. He will see what will come out from this. He caught himself smiling at this thought.  _Fuck, no good, I’m too deep in this, too deep._

He turned around the corner, stepping back immediately because of what he saw. It’s just his imagination. Yeah, nobody’s there. He swallowed, deciding to take a look one more time. No, not his imagination. He Tian’s really there at the opposite site of the street,  with Yu Fang glued to his lips. Guan Shan stepped back again, leaning at the dirty wall. Small smile appeared on his lips, choked laugh escaped his throat.  _Fuck_.  _You’re so naive, Guan Shan_.  _You were never a good learner._

It’s the same pattern as back then. The pain he felt right now was somehow different – more powerfull, more real than before. Mixed with disappointment and disbelief. Of what he saw right now, and of what he was hoping to be, deep inside him. That it wasn’t He Tians curiousity at the beginning. That his behavior towards him wasn’t just the way he is with him right now, that maybe his actions have some meaning. But they apparently not.

_Shit..._

Guan Shan scoffed as he realised that for her He Tian wanted to make a cover of  _Finger Eleven_. It seemed he didn’t need it anymore. He made her move. Something hit him to all of this - fuck, he  _agreed_. He just fucking agreed to play. Jian Yi will not let him back off right now, he couldn’t even give his excuse for changing his mind, and Jian Yi would be digging through this until he would find out. Shit, he didn’t know he will regret this decision so quickly.

He turned around and start walking straight, feeling the anger on himself is building up within him along with pulsating pain in his chest. After few steps, he stopped again, clenching fists. He remembered that feeling of absolute helplessness, anger and pain that had devoured him back then. No, not this time, he need to throw it out from himself right away. How was it...fights? Drinking? He couldn’t even if he would like to, he had a job, he couldn’t go this path again. Sudden thought crossed his mind, he hesitated. Memories from years back went throught his eyes.  _Fuck it..._  He didn’t want to go throught this shit again.  
He took the phone out from his pocket, taking a deep breath, before clicking the green call icon.  
  
“Zheng Xi...your offer is still up? I think I need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the drama's starting here, I hope you will stay with me!  
> Let me know your thoughts and as always, thank you so much for reading this story and for all your comments and kudos as well!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Didn’t know you can do that."  
> "You wanted a rhythm guitar, nothing more. It wasn't necessary to show what I can." Guan Shan said after a while, getting a smoke.  
> "What made you show it right now, then?"  
> Guan Shan blew out smoke from his lungs, threw the rest of the cigarette on street and extinguished it with a shoe.  
> "I just wanted to wipe off this fucking smirk from your face."

“AHA! Now, THIS TIME, you can’t say I’m the world’s most messy person ever!” announced Jian Yi proudly, looking triumphantly at the stack created by empty bottles and empty chips. The fact that they were not done by him gave him some kind of inner satisfaction "But seriously, did you have to throw me out so unceremoniously yesterday? Who were you partying with, if I may ask? " he didn’t even try to hide his resentment “... you look like a zombie, did you sleep at all?” Jian Yi added as he focused on Zheng Xi’s face after he stopped to scan the flat.

 „Jian Yi, be quiet” growled Zheng Xi, closing the door to the living room „ we’re not alone.”

"What? You even allow to spend the night here ?! You are kicking me eternally and no- " Zheng Xi covered his mouth with hand vigorously, Jian Yi stared at him with eyes as hurt as his voice.

„Be quiet, I asked” he whispered „Guan Shan’s still sleeping.”

„Redhead?  Did you drink with him? Seriously, I couldn’t stay yesterday? "

„No. He wanted to talk.”

„About what?”

"If he wanted to talk to you, he would call you instead. And do not drill the topic" he remarked immediately, seeing the opening mouth of Jian Yi  “respect it, ok?"

Jian Yi closed mouth, not taking his eyes off of Zheng Xi, finally sighed, shrugged and sat at the table, shoving the empty packages with his hand. "All right, as you wish" he growled, evidently unhappy.

Zheng Xi took the trash from the table and put there a plate with the sandwiches and two cups of coffe for them.

 “Shouldn’t he be working today? It’s pretty late already.” Jian Yi started to consume one sandwich after another.

“I have no clue, I didn’t ask him.” Loud “FUCK!” came from the living room as Zheng Xi was taking a sip  “... it seems he should be at work.”

A dull thump as if something heavy fell on the floor was accompanying with the sound of broken glass and the general noise of bustle, finally hurriedly approaching steps ended with abruptly opened door.

“The heck, why didn’t you wake me up?! I’m so fucking late!” growled Guan Shan in a hoarse voice, holding his head. Both Zheng Xi and Jian Yi tried to hide their smiles in cups, they didn’t make it. On Guan Shan’s frowning Zheng Xi said "Sorry, but you look terribly -"

“HILARIOUS!”

“If I look half as much as you do now, then I’m fucked more than I thought.” he answered, still holding his head , but going to the bathroom to check the reason of this amusement, hearing Jian Yi mumbling “Damn, he reminds me of something right now...” When he looked at the mirror, he needed to wipe his eyes, just to be sure. His own reflection was greeting him - ghastly pale with horrible dark circles under the eyes and with a haircut impossible to obtain in any way known to the hairdressers. Adding to this his usual frown, the effect was quite amazing. Maybe if his head wasn’t trying to kill him, Guan Shan would laugh at it as well.  _Great..._  A triumphant scream from the kitchen made him clench the eyes  “I know! He look like a typical character from Tim Burton movies!”

“Can’t you be quiet?”Guan Shan went back to them, gathering his things along the way in a hurry, trying with wet hand to make at last his hair look like they normaly do.

“What~ do you have a little hangover here?~ Serves you right, you kicked me out, bastard!” Jian Yi was going to  bite the last sandwich, Guan Shan took it from his hand before he did so.

“I have to go, I broke something Zheng Xi, I have no clue what” (“The heck, you work at the kitchen, make something at work!”) he took a bite and  winced after that, picking up the ham and taking out a slice of cheese from under it “ you can have it back” he put the cheese on the plate before frowned Jian Yi, grabbed the jacket and ran out of the apartment.

The first what hit Guan Shan after he left the building was that the world was definitely too bright right now. He needed a moment to get used to it, the snow reflecting every ray of the sun did not make it easier for him. A blast of cold air made shivers run over him, waking him completely. As Guan Shan was passing people in a hurry, he recalled last night, wondering if he had said too much.  
Never in his life Guan Shan spoke with anybody about his thoughts, he didn’t even know where should he start. So as soon as he reached Zheng Xi’s place he thought it wasn’t necessary at all, that he made a decision on impuls, in nerves, he just needed to wait a while and he will calm down on itself, he will handle it on it’s own. “ _You know what, nevermind, sorry to bother you_ ” he said back then, but Zheng Xi grabbed his shoulders and pushed him down on his spot, leaving him alone and coming back with some alcohol that he put on the table. _What were you thinking about drinking, come again....? One wrong decision after another. Congratulations Guan Shan, you’re making a new personal record here_.  
  
**  
Guan Shan’s phone was vibrating time after time, as he finally turned if off. Zheng Xi pass him a controller, sat next to him and started the game, not asking anything for a long time.

“He Tian wrote we can play.” he said finally, not taking his eyes from the TV screen.

“...got it.”

Noises from the game were filling the room along with fast sounds of pushed controller’s buttons.

“You will not win with me like that.”

“Yeah? Don’t be so full of your- what the - how?!”

“I told you.”

“The heck, that was impossible, repeat that!”

“He Tian did something?”

“Kinda-” Guan Shan fixed his eyes at the bottle next to him “fuck, you’re trying to make me drunk here, you asshole!”

“You lose again” Zheng Xi pointed at the screen, Guan Shan cursed “what he did?”

“Doesn’t matter anymore. Restart it, I will kick your ass this time.”

“I don’t think so. At both of your thoughts.”

Guan Shan went silent, still hesitating if he should say anything at all. After a while, he decided to say what he saw, and he did so as he was telling about the ingredients in the dish - he said what he hoped for, not detailed, just simple “ _I thought it meant something at last_ ”, knewing Zheng Xi will understand him, not taking his eyes off of TV screen as he was speaking.

“I’ve never heard you speak so openly. Even if it was for like sixty seconds.”

“Don’t get used to it, tickets for this show are limited by one per lifespan.”

“So probably I should start to record this, maybe you will give me some bis.”

Guan Shan threw his phone at Zheng Xi with fade smile.

“I won, Zheng Xi.” Guan Shan said with a smirk, as he felt Zheng Xi is not paying any attention to what’s going on on the screen right now.

“... I don’t think it is like it looks like. Maybe, you know, it’s the classical ‘it is not what you think it is’ case?  Wait a while, see what’s going on.”

“You don’t get it, Zheng Xi. Even if it is not like that... either, if he wants them or if he plays with them ... I don’t want to be his toy as well. Just like that. I can’t.”

**

Guan Shan didn’t remember when he fell asleep. But he remembered the time the clock on Zheng Xi’s wall was showing him when he woke up, making it clear to him that Slave Master will finally have his dreamed reason to abuse him.

“Guan Shan, the heck, it’s way past noon, what are you thinking?!” Yin Su growled at him as he show his head at the kitchen.

“Sorry about that.” he mumbled as he fastened his outfit, the other chief looked at him with anger.

“Oh my, did you see yourself in the mirror?” she laughed, he just gave her ‘fuck off’ face “Hmm~ somebody had a nice night I see ~”

_Yeah...night of my life..._

“Damn, did you get here right from your party?” she asked as she step aside from him “You smell like you wash yourself in  alcohol!”

“You can say so...but say it quietly...fuck...is this jerk today?”

“You’re lucky, he’s not.”

_Praise the Lord!_

The joy after hearing this news quickly disappeard when Guan Shan winced as he felt the sandwich from before is dancing in his stomach. Eating it wasn’t a good idea.  _+1 position to your list, Guan Shan._

“Maybe you should go home after all? I’ll figure something out.” Yin Su asked, looking at him with thoughtful eyes, the chief again showed with his glare what he thinks about this brilliant idea.

“No need to, I’m fine. Just don’t speak to me. And don’t breath near me so loud. Don’t you even blink! Shit! “ he added clenching the eyes from the pain, as she bursted out with laugh, leaving the kitchen. The chief just sharpened the knives with eyes fixed on Guan Shan making it clear to him that he intends to be as loud as possible.

___

Guan Shan waited for lights to turn green for a while. He started to wonder if they’re frozen from cold or is just that it’s snowing heavily and it’s just his impression that everything last longer. His head continued to pulse with dull pain as he left the work, to his luck it was much more bearable than when he awoke, but still it was irritating . All Guan Shan wanted right now was to take a shower and burrow himself in a bed. He took his phone to write he will not be at rehearsal today – he didn’t even want to imagine standing next to the amplifier in this condition, not saying about Zheng Xi’s drums. Guan Shan realized he didn’t turn the phone on since yesterdays evening, as soon as he do so, he was attacked by notification about missed calls and unreaded messages. He didn’t read even one of them when the phone started to ring. Guan Shan felt a little pressure on his chest as he was staring at He Tian’s name for a moment, finally picking up. He will not run away from it anyway.

“Hey, something happened?”  _ **You**_ _happened._

“Not really.” he finally moved accross the street as the lights graciously let him do so.

“I couldn’t reach you since yesterday.”

“... I didn’t notice my phone’s off.”  _Partly true._

“You wasn’t at home as well.” Guan Shan felt irritated.

“Shit, do you write a book or what? I told you to not come to me. What do you want?”

“... just to talk. You agreed to play, according to what Jian Yi wrote. I wanted to hear it from you, though.”

“Well, yeah, I agreed, something more you want from me?”

“You probably know exactly what I  _want_ ~”

“Listen, I don’t have time now for that. If you will make up your mind, then  _write_.”  Guan Shan hung up not waiting for He Tian’s response, he opened the chat.

 

Mo Guan Shan: I’ll not make it today, play without me.

He Tian: What do you mean you will be not here?

Jian Yi: Probably Redhead is still hanging out with his new friend ~

He Tian: What friend?

Jian Yi: Hangover!

He Tian: You guys were out yesterday?

Jian Yi: I was at XiXi’s place. Until some time...

|Zhan Zheng Xi to Jian Yi : One more word to him about yesterday and you’re dead.|

He Tian: Little Mo, you were paryting without me?

_Mo Guan Shan is offline now._

*

“Redhead~ Do you have something more for us to play?”

“What, you’re bored already?” Guan Shan didn’t look at him as he was trying to tune his guitar at this moment.

“Not at all! I just want more! They’re so energetic, the bass lines I wrote to them are so great I just want to check all songs you have!”

“You surely are modest one here. Actually “ Guan Shan stood, checking the strings for the last time before he power on the amplifier “I have something, but again Zheng Xi, no drums so I’ll leave it to you” Zheng Xi nodded, waiting for him to start. Guan Shan didn’t even place his fingers on correct frets as the door opened.

 “He Tian! What a surprise here!”

“What do you mean?”  He Tian’s hand reflexively turned to the Guan Shans neck, Guan Shan pushed him away with “fuck off” on his lips.

“You’re on time~”

“You should be gratefull.” He Tian took a glance at Guan Shan as his second and third try to reach him failed. Guan Shan was changing the amplifier’s settings with his back to him. He Tian assumed Guan Shan was not in the best mood right now “We got the schedule of the band which we have previously replaced.”

“Are we that good we bite them off?!”

“No, they just fucked around with the pub too much, it wasn’t their first time they canceled their play and they were generaly a troublemakers, so we are lucky here.”

They set themselves in their places, back to Zheng Xi. He Tian finished tuning his guitar, set the microphone in front of him and faced them all at the front.

 “Turn around.” said Guan Shan, correcting the cable to not bother him.

“Nah, I want to look at you.” Guan Shan frowned at him, not saying more, as Zheng Xi started with the sound of hihat.

He Tian couldn’t wait to see Guan Shan on the stage once again. He felt a little shiver each time Guan Shan pass his fellings throught the strings he so feriouslousy hit. When He Tian thought about making a band to get close to him again he didn’t know he will be a witness of this side of Guan Shan - fully devoted to one thought, absolutely focused, yet naturaly flowing along with the sound of his guitar. On the stage, this were more clear as ever.  
He Tian really loved how Guan Shan put his effords when he’s doing what he liked to. He liked to watch him in the kitchen, liked to watch him as he played video games, well, he liked to watch him at general. But when Guan Shan held his guitar, he looked so amazing, as if he became one with it, as if each note that he created could go throught him before it’s released for others to hear. The only thing He Tian was not happy with is that Guan Shan was a little behind him on the stage, he wish him to stand next to him, so that he could watch him all the time, not just give him stealthy glances, it was hard for He Tian to take his look away from Guan Shan when he was in that state. At last at rehearsals He Tian could watch him as much as he liked to. Mostly, because he would love to not take his eyes off of him at all, but he didn’t want to make Guan Shan more uncomfortable than necessary. Maybe a tiny bit, to see a little blush covering his cheeks, reaching his ears.  _You don’t need to watch the frets, Little Mo, show me your face here._

 

“Zheng Xi, have you modified your fill here?”

“Yeah, I thought it might be good. Too much? Should I go back to the previous one?”

“What are you asking, XiXi? It was great, keep up like this.”

 

What made He Tian inner-self smile uncontrolenely was the look that Guan Shan gave him after their support concert, his eyes checking every inch of his body, the weight of this glance was not possible to miss, the bitten lower lip of Guan Shan did not escape his attention as well.

  
He Tian saw him tensed under his glare, but Guan Shan didn’t rise his head.  _Look up here, Little Mo._

“He Tian, you’re entering too early here.”

“My bad, I was distracted~”

 

He Tian wanted more of this glances from Guan Shan, more of those eyes looking at him, more of Guan Shan at general.

Fifth song. Guan Shan still didn’t rise his head up. Even when they were pausing their play, commenting some parts and repeating with corrects they provided, he didn’t look at He Tian back.   _He barely looked at me today._

Sixth song.

 

“Sorry, I messed this part up way too much, XiXi, repeat from the refrain please~”

 

He Tian wanted to get closer to him, to make him his. He knew he needed to wait. But it was harder and harder to do so.

Seventh song.

He would love to just throw himself on Guan Shan, but he knew he would fuck things up in this way.  _Patience He Tian, patience. Just a little bit._

Eighth song.

He needed to wait, to make Guan Shan look at him and only at him. To make it impossible for Guan Shan to deny to him, because He Tian knew he is still doing so. So he needed to wait as Guan Shan will finally surrender. And He Tian hoped it will be soon.  
He wanted to spend more time with him, to be around him 24/7, to eat with him, to shop with him, to go to the conerts with him, to chillout at home with him. To fall asleep next to him and to wake up next to him. Simple like that, Guan Shan completely filled He Tian’s mind, the only one missing here was Guan Shan himself.

  
He Tian didn’t know when his hand went to Guan Shan's chin, raising his head up. He saw Guan Shan flinched and finally looked at him. With very furious glare.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Guan Shan yelled, stepping back, cutting his sound as he stepped on cable from the guitar and unplugged it with this action. Zheng Xi stopped his play along with Jian Yi. He Tian remembered where they were _._   _Harsh, Little Mo, you’re definitely not in the mood here._ He was getting ready to say something to relieve tension, when his attention was drawn to the expression of Guan Shan’s eyes and emotions on his face before he turned it away. There wasn’t any emberassment on it. Only anger and something He Tian wasn’t sure he saw right. Guan Shan looked around for the cable, plugged his guitar back.

“Forgive me, Little Mo, I was curious what is in your mind at this moment ~”

“Just stop fooling around and fucking play.” Guan Shan mumbled, repeating his riff once more, not waiting for Zheng Xi to start.

 

*

“Yes... I get it, I will volume it down...yes, I know you have to bother to come here again this week...yes, I will reconsider myself...” Guan Shan nodded with every note, until his angry neighbor finished her complains about noise he was making and decided to leave, still muttering under her breath. Guan Shan shut the door not taking her words to himself. It was not the first not the last time he will have to hear it.

He couldn’t get away his feelings at rehearsals anymore – He Tian began to show his face on time and that meant Guan Shan couldn’t do what he wanted to. Even this little thing He Tian was able to take away from him, what made Guan Shan be even more angry than he usually was. He decided to change the volume settings just to free himself from his neighbor, going back with his play to the start.

It was so damn hard to be in the same place as He Tian right at the beginnig. Guan Shan couldn’t even look at He Tian so breathing the same air as him was hard to stand, not saying about hearing He Tian sings next to him. Guan Shan felt a stab of pain every day he saw or heard He Tian the first time, the pain like a wave was going through him, leaving behind an unpleasant trace of trembling, just to disappear quickly and do so again next time. He Tian didn’t bring the scent of Yu Fang anymore to the rehearsals, what made Guan Shan mind at peace at some point, but in the same time it was what he thought – He Tian just plays with chicks, he’s still a womanizer after all. He always was, he always will be.  _Fuck, focus idiot._ Guan Shan was hoping he could manage it somehow, free himself from this shit.  _Ha! Yeah, right...who I want to fool here._   It was hard as hell to push thoughts about He Tian in the darkest corner of himself when He Tian left the country – and that was when Guan Shan didn’t contact him and didn’t see him. But now he sees him way too often.

Now, Guan Shan was already after first shock and all he felt was mostly anger. Anger on himself for being so incredible stupid to fall in the same thing twice.

He heard his doorbell again, he cursed.  _This old hag again, it’s not so loud and it’s not late at all, fuck!_ He opened his door furiously to face Zheng Xi behind them.

“If you want to vent yourself to something, I think you should try the drums, especially for this kind of music.” Zheng Xi added as he heard  drum fills from the speakers.

“I am not a drummer” Guan Shan said, letting him in “I have no fucking idea how you manage to do the rhythm with legs and arms at the same time, and each of it is doing something different.”

“Practice matter, you could get used to it.”

“Probably, but not that I have the place here for drum set. Or money to spend on it. ” Guan Shan said, turning off the amplifier “why are you here?”

“Checking how you’re doing.”

“We meet every second day, you don’t have to.”

“I’m just worried, I think. Beside it’s not that we can talk there with them around.”

“So don’t be. I’m fine. Don’t make me regret to speak with you as well.”

“Ok.”

“I forgot to ask, what have I broke when I stayed?” Guan Shan reached his wallet.

“A glass of water I kindly left for your drunk ass. So no worries.” Guan Shan nooded “Wanna play?”  Zheng Xi was already pulling out the game from the jacket.

“Will you also kindly allow me to win?”

“No way.”

Guan Shan scoffed.

“Then we can play.”

 

*

Guan Shan barely pushed through the people gathering  around the stage to get to its back, Zheng Xi was sitting behind the drums, correcting some tuning and setting every element on the right place. As Guan Shan reached the room where they have their stuff, Jian Yi jumped to him, taking the guitar case out of his hands and starting to take it out.

 “What took you so long, Redhead!”  he asked, pushing the guitar in Guan Shan’s hands as he just took off the jacket.

“I have a work, asshole, it’s not that I can leave whenever I want to - ” Jian Yi was already pushing him back to the stage, not listening to the end.

“He Tian already set your amplifier for you, but test it a little bit before we start, you have something like fifteen minutes.” Guan Shan was about to say to Jian Yi that if he will push him again he will win a free punch in the face but He Tian appeared on the way.

“Little Mo, ha-“

“Busy, need to test the amplifier.” Guan Shan ducked from He Tian's arm, hurried toward the stage. He plugged his guitar, tuning it previously, stand back to the people, checking the sound and every setting. It was perfectly set. Obviously.

“Are you content?” asked He Tian as he managed to finally throw his arm on him.

“I will be.”

“When?”

“When you will take your arm away from me.”

“How cold of you ~”

 Zheng Xi made some simple fill to test the sound, Guan Shan added his sound to this, pushing He Tian away with his elbow but He Tian didn’t let go “Ok, it’s fine” Guan Shan stopped when he felt long fingers on his nape, he went behind the stage and checked once again if his strings are properly tuned.

“Are you nervous today as well?”

“I am not. Fuck off.”

“Had a crappy day?”

“...”

“Don’t worry, soon you will feel better.”

“Don’t touch my hair!”

“I like to~ wait for me here, I’m going for the guitar. Would you like me to take if off? ~” He Tian was pulling his t-shirt with a smirk, Guan Shan gave him a finger.  _Just fucking stay in it._

“Mo Guan Shan, you’re here as well! Good, I started to get worry!” Yu Fang approached him with innocent smile, when Jian Yi joined him, passing to Zheng Xi his bag with the drumsticks “Have you set your amplifier for your taste?”

“He didn’t need to, He Tian did it for him, everything’s set as it should be, right Redhead?~”

“...”

“How nice of him ~”

Yu Fang’s eyes were still fixed at him, the face still wearing sweet smile. Guan Shan didn’t turn his eyes, waiting for her to break their contact, what she did when He Tian went back with the guitar already on his shoulder (and with his t-shirt on, for Guan Shan’s luck ). Guan Shan felt Zheng Xi eyes on him as Jian Yi happily announced that they could start, he glared back, making Zheng Xi to look somewhere else. Slowly he had enough of this.

\---

_Hey, hey, come on, what’s wrong with you_

He Tian frowned, focusing on Little Mo’s play. It wasn’t right. Not that Guan Shan had miss anything, the sound was good, but something in him was not at place. It certainly wasn’t stress or anything, last time when he managed to go through his treme, he played so energetic he didn’t care about people watching him. He was off, something was definitely not right. He Tian could feel it in his play, it lack of power, of emotions Guan Shan usually threw with every riff. Now he played like...exactly, like what? He Tian didn’t know but it wasn’t what it should be. He tried to catch Guan Shan’s attention for last two songs, but none of his looks were enough to wake him up from his letarg. But he knew Guan Shan is listening, so He Tian decided to bend his strings, feeling questioning looks form Jian Yi and Zheng Xi at his neck.

 

Guan Shan didn’t like the look Yu Fang gave him. He didn’t know if it meant something or it just seemed so. But when he felt her eyes on him from the bar and he caught her she’s staring at him, he didn’t know what he should think about it. Maybe he really just imagined things here? He began to pay more attention to her, and therefore every behavior seemed suspicious to him? ‘ _Okay, all you have to do is get paranoid through a stupid look...Just play, don’t pay attention to her’_  . But the other voice in his head was yelling ‘ _So could she stop staring at me? She has He Tian next to!’_  Guan Shan was called to the reality as he heard something that wasn’t supposed to be there. Notes were to high here, what He Tian’s doing, it’s not supposed to sound like this. Is he improvising? He looked at him, meeting his eyes and then He Tian bended his strings more with a cocky smile on his face. Guan Shan blinked, not believing in this.  _Did this fucker really just challenge me_? He Tian repeated his move once again, not taking his eyes off of Guan Shan’s.  _He must be fucking kidding!_

 

He Tian closed the eyes as he was finishing the verse, focusing on Guan Shan’s guitar.  _Good, he’s back on the track._

 

_Oh, you just wanted to show off here? So... what you will do on this, asshole?_

He Tian froze just for a second, looking at Guan Shan again to  make sure he didn’t mishear, but in the same time, this sound wasn’t possible to mishear in any way.  _Did he make a divebomb here?_ It really was a divebomb, and it really was made intencional as Guan Shan’s hand was still on his whammy bar, when he with full focus on his face was taking leading from He Tian. He Tian reflexively went to the rhythm part, trying to shake himself off of shock he was at. As he recognized part of his solo in Guan Shan’s play, he joined him.

 

Guan Shan heard He Tian’s guitar merged with his, he glared at him.  _Don’t even think about this!_

 

He Tian barely made one simple slide between the frets as Guan Shan pushed him back again with his sound, slides throught all length of bass strings with a pick, making He Tian again go for the rhythm. He Tian felt himself smiling, he never saw Guan Shan like that. On his smile, Guan Shan gave him another show to watch.  _Fuck_ ,  _is he seriously shredding here?! It’s so fucking perfectly fitting!_ He Tian felt as Guan Shan wasn’t playing for people. He was playing for him, turned towards him, waiting for He Tian’s attempts to try push him off of leading part, with eyes so provocative He Tian barely could stand it, so much this look made him aroused. Every time he tried to do something, Guan Shan wave him off, each time more furiously, more confident, making He Tian jump back to the rhythm every single time, but He Tian still tried, as Guan Shan showed him each time something new . And He Tian wanted more of it. More of those feelings he felt right now, more of those eyes fixed on him, piercing him without mercy, more of Guan Shan who was so dominant right now that made He Tian go crazy.  He Tian bended his string again, cutting Guan Shan’s melody.

 

Guan Shan bendend his strings as He Tian before, but he mixed it with tapping, both his hands on the guitar fretboard until he pushed He Tian again to do the rhythm. Guan Shan looked at Zheng Xi, hoping he will understand. He did, with light smirk on his face, looping the drum part once again.

 

Whatever He Tian tried to do, Guan Shan attacked back – He Tian tried to slide  - Guan Shan slide with vibrato, He Tian tried tapping one string – Guan Shan was already multitapping on few strings, He Tian tried to use pull ofs  – Guan Shan was using harmonic ones.  _Shit, he is incredible._ He Tian stopped to try anything on his frets, he stayed on the rhythm to the end, feeling himself still shocked and aroused of what he saw right now.

Guan Shan finished with last slap of Jian Yi’s strings and last hit of Zheng Xi’s drums. It was like somebody just turn the music off. It went silent, at last for Guan Shan. He may overdid this, but important for him was that he just get rid off of He Tian cocky smile. Guan Shan looked at the other guys knowing He Tian didn’t take his wide opened eyes off of him for longer time. Zheng Xi bowed his head, trying to hide his smile, Jian Yi just exposed all his teeth like he used to.  
Guan Shan didn’t have the courage to look at the people, now it reached him he feels piercing eyes over his body. He looked at He Tian, the other guy still looking at him, face showing pure surprise he still didn’t shake off. And somehow this face of He Tian made Guan Shan felt more confident than ever. He scoffed under his nose, smirk at still shocked He Tian like He Tian used to, and gave him a finger in the same time.

A whistles cut through the general uproar made by screams and applause, as He Tian with a smile threw his arm on Guan Shan, leaning them towards the crowd, bowing their heads and thanking through the microphone.

\---

Guan Shan went outside for a smoke, passing some other people from the pub who were doing so as well. It was dark but snow laying on the ground and reflecting the lights from main street was making it all looks a lot brighter. He sat at the railing, trying to calm a little, shake from emotions he felt right now. It weren’t emotions made because of people that approached him after the concert, saying their compliments about his show, it weren’t emotions that he felt on the stage when he let himself threw everything he had inside him  – it were emotions made because of fucking He Tian whispering to his ear as they were giving their thanks “ _You were fucking hot right now_ ” “ _The fuck did you say_?!” “ _I said you were fucking good right now~_!” The one sentence made him feel like that, Guan Shan knew he needed to push away all He Tian was giving to him, all his glances, all his touches and words. But this was so fucking hard to not get affected by them. It’s not like there is some fucking switch in his brain that is responsible for feelings. Affection Mode On/Off.  But Guan Shan really would like to have one right now. He lit the cigarrete, dragged once and watched it burn by itself. He heard steps in the snow behind him, Guan Shan didn’t need to turn around to knew whose they were.

 “Can you help me with a litghter?”

“Don’t you have your own?”

“I have but I prefer this way~“ He Tian approached him, Guan Shan remembered how He Tian was lighting his cigarette some time ago, and immediately took his lighter out of his pocket, lighting it between them. He Tian frowned, but lit his cigarette and sat at the railing next to Guan Shan.

"Didn’t know you can do that."

"You wanted a rhythm guitar, nothing more. It wasn't necessary to show what I can."  Guan Shan said after a while, getting  a smoke.

"What made you show it right now, then?"

Guan Shan blew out smoke from his lungs,  threw the rest of the cigarette on street and extinguished it with a shoe.  
"I just wanted to wipe off this fucking smirk from your face."

“Well, congratulations then~ I hope you’re happy~ ” He Tian looked at the cigarette Guan Shan threw “I was wondering, it’s such a waste you threw so much away, you practically take like three to five smokes, you throw the rest or let the wind smoke it for you.”

“What’s up to you?”

“You know, I can help you with that, no need to buy cigarettes.”

“I’m sure I don’t want to here anything from you.”

“Ok, I will show you, then.”

He Tian dragged with his cigarette, then he catched Guan Shan’s face in his hands, being carefull with the cigarette  in his fingers. Then he leaned towards Guan Shan, when their lips almost touched he blew out the smoke to Guan Shan’s mouth. Guan Shan turned red, He Tian wasn’t sure it was from emberassment or from his cough.  _So fucking close...patience, patience._

“The heck are you doing?” Guan Shan yelled at him between coughes.

“I took you by surprise, next time you will be prepered~”

“As if I let you do that second time, you bastard!” he growned at him, still trying to catch proper breath “stop fucking messing my hair!” he added, trying to shake He Tian’s hands away.

 “My Little Mo is getting angry~”  scoffed He Tian, leaning the forehead against the other. Guan Shan stopped struggling, he catched He Tian's hands, immobilizing them.

“I’m not yours.” It went silent, Guan Shan felt the tense of He Tians body. He was still smiling a little, but his eyes didn’t share the same emotions as his lips.

“No. You are not.”

Guan Shan stepped away from him as the backdoor opened, almost hitting the guy who was trying to get inside, he threw morderous glare at Jian Yi who didn’t realise it “Redhead, what was that? Again you did something amazing!”

“Again? So you guys knew he can do that?”

“First, he si-“

“Next time I start with some funky slap, I think.” Guan Shan interrupted him quickly, giving him the same morderous glare as the stranger before. Not that Jian Yi realised it this time.

“Wha-  don’t you even dare, slap is my thing to do, you have your attention already!”

“Here you are!” Zheng Xi threw his arm on Jian Yi, grabbing his arm tight, looking between all of them to read the athmosphere “You know, with this show of yours we have to come with something in the next play?”

“Oh, I know, maybe Redhead will s-“

 “I’m going back, it’s fucking cold!” Guan Shan stood up quickly, going inside, He Tian just followed him.

“XiXi...my arm hurts.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know what, He Tian~ You don’t need to make me drunk if you want to learn about Redhead’s past. It’s not like it’s a top secret thing or something. But, I’ll ask you for a favour in return~” he took the drink away from He Tian and put it next to his “drop me to XiXi place, when we finish, would you?~”

Guan Shan leaned against the wall in the narrow corridor, listening to the muffled sound of music coming from the rehearsal room. He watched a piece of paint peels off the wall, tempting to only lift it a little and let it fall to the floor so it could join the rest of the old paint lying there in a small pilles. He felt heavy vibrations of the bass pass from the wall through his body, making the piece of paint tremble and crack in half, finally falling down. Well, this room was shitty mutted.

He decided to came earlier today, as he had day off it wasn’t a problem. He thought he could play a little, not bothered by anybody, before the rest of guys will come. He needed this time alone, in a place where he didn’t have to restrain himself, without anybody that will invade his personal space. The door opened and the people from the other band went out, nooding their heads to him as Guan Shan entered after the last one left the room. He was tunning his guitar, focusing not on the sound but on the drums before him, reflecting on the words of Zheng Xi. Well, if he has an opportunity, why not just give it a shot. He noticed the pouch with the drumsticks hanged next to the drum – apparently forgotten by the previous group. His luck.

He sat behind the drums, checking the sound of each element, trying to memorize the differences between them.  _Ok, bass pedal, toms, snare, floor, crash, ride...pedal for hihat...and here my knowlage ends. Whatever._  He shrugged, trying to make some simple rhythm with  bass and snare. Not so bad. He added crash. Well, still not so bad. When Guan Shan felt a little bit more sure, he recalled some of Zheng Xi moves and tried to imitate them – and then in a hurry he was catching the cymbals to make them go quiet as one of the drumsticks decided to leave his hand in the middle of changing direction of what he was hitting, and his leg began to push the bass pedal in some random way – random, but certainly far from calling it any rhythm. He scoffed as it went so tragic it was funny at some point. No, no, no, better to stay on the guitar. This one he actually  _feels_.

He took his guitar back, thinking about what to play. He recalled his concert, he made there some really nice part, but didn’t remember it entirely.  _Ok, so it was like this_...He frowned, focusing.  _No, not like this, there was something more_... had he added a vibrato here?  _No, wrong, again, bend, then tap and slide...maybe not tap...fuck, no, it was a tap after all, but not here...how it goes, once again, from the beginning...bend, tap, slide, and-_

The door opened, the black hair head with a cocky smile took a look inside.  _Great. Just fucking perfect._ Guan Shan frowned, angry that it is the end of his alone-time, making unconciously a move on his fret, surprising himself and looking quickly back on his fingers.  _There it is, my missing note!_ Apparently sudden appearance of He Tian could be sometimes useful.

“So it’s really you” He Tian entered  “I thought it was the previous band, recalling what Zheng Xi always says about eternally untuned drums, I thought I have a dubious pleasure to hear with my own ears... didn’t know you have a time to play in two bands ~”

“Fuck off, as if you could do better than that.” Two steps back. Just to be not in the range of He Tian’s arms.

“Maybe I can, should I try?”

“Do what you want.”

“Don’t give me that kind of permissions if you don’t really mean it~ ”

Guan Shan show him a finger, He Tian sat behind the drums, checking the sound of each element as Guan Shan before. When he started to play, Guan Shan couldn’t stop himself from a smirk, it wasn’t offten to see He Tian can’t do something.

“It was worse than mine. You suck at it.”

“Apparently drums are not for me~” He Tian grabbed his guitar, tunned it “You were playing the same thing as at the concert, right?”

“So?”

“Teach me~”

“The heck, why should I?”

“I really liked it, would you kindly show it to me?”

“Scram, make something of your own.” Guan Shan started his play from the beginning, He Tian watched his fretboard for a while, then he joined, repeating Guan Shan’s moves, the other one just frowned more but didn’t say anything.

“I have read your favourite band will had a concert soon. Do you have a ticket?”

“... don’t bring this topic on.” he was pausing his play after every two tackts, waiting for He Tian to repeat.

“No way, you really missed it?”

“Fuck off! They just sold in an blink of an eye! Not saying about this fucking abnormal price...” Guan Shan was looking at He Tian’s fretboard “you do it wrong.”

“Which part?”

“The one with a tapping. Add a quick slide there.”

“Here?”

“No, can’t you hear it? Before a tap, it’s a quick slide on the same note, you’re doing it too slow.”

“Show me.”

“Stop overacting...like this, you get it?”

“Now I get it~” He Tian didn’t look at the fretboard at all.   _I like this focus on your face._

“So repeat... No, you don’t get it!” Guan Shan realised He Tian is closer to him with every sentence they exchange, he stepped back again.

“We should rearrange some tabs, you shouldn’t stay just on the rhythm with this talent.”

“I’m not complaining on this, I like the rhythm guitar.”

_I want to see more of you, Little Mo. Let me._

“You’re not bored?”

“It’s not that we have just some simply power chords on the rhythm, I have some interesting riffs as well.  There is more things to do on the rhythm than on the lead anyway.”

“We can merge it, it could be interesting.”

Well, it really could be. Guan Shan has to admit it was fun at the concert to push He Tian’s guitar, but it’s not that he will repeat this, it was made on impuls. But if they would complete each others solos, the outcome effect could be really good.

“So rearrange something now if you want to make any changes.” he said after a while.

“Waste of time doing it on the rehearsals. Come to my place tomorrow.”

_Ok, not this way. Step back, Guan Shan._

“I have no time.”

“So come tonight.”

“Still no time.”

“You have an appointment? At this hour?”

“Not your business. Fuck, step back!”

“Let’s make a cover I asked you some time ago~”  _I want to see your reaction._  Guan Shan flinched.

“I don’t want to.”

“Come on, it was for you after all~ Have you even lis-”

“Was it?” He Tian went silent as Guan Shan’s cold eyes meet his “nevermind, I don’t want to. And if you want to rearrange something of ours, do it by yourself, I’m not going to help you with this.”

“Wow, I can’t belive this! Seriously you’re both before us?!” Jian Yi entered with Zheng Xi, who was jumping between Guan Shan and He Tian with his eyes. Well, that's how it looks to coming here sooner. Guan Shan promised himself he will not do it anymore.

 

*

 

He turned off the console with resignation, began to get ready to leave. They had a meeting in the pub with Yu Fang today, on the schedule of the concerts and some equipment discussions. Guan Shan was not too eager, he even managed to made his excuse last time as they wanted to meet, but then the rest decided to call out all meeting finally, saying something that they should go as a full squad. And he sensed that he would not be able to evacuate quickly after the conversation ends. Phone buzz. “ _You’re still at home? We could meet up earlier._ ”  Immediate response “ _We’ll meet at the place.”_

He Tian began to be more obtrusive than ever. Wherever Guan Shan looked, He Tian was there. He was at work? He Tian send him special message-order. He was at the shop? He Tian always managed to know when and where he’s buying his stuff. He went to music shop for new strings? He Tian was already before him. He had a feeling he will open his fridge and He Tian will pop up from it.

On top of that he was more clingy to Guan Shan. Guan Shan saw He Tian’s looks, how he was analysing his every reaction on him, how he was observing his shivers, how he was smirking over his blushes. Guan Shan squeezed the bottle of water he has in his hand, the very thought of it evoked new waves of anger. No matter how he tried to control himself, he couldn’t always not react on him. Phone buzz again. “ _Redhead, remember we meet today_!  _Don’t try to cancel it_!”

Jian Yi. The water from the bottle ran down his hands when he finally squeezed it too tightly. Guan Shan cursed, put the bottle down and began to wipe the floor. This guy started to drive him mad more and more, constantly mentioning Guan Shan singing, directly to him or in some random talks, making Guan Shan freez every time when Jian Yi started to speak about it with He Tian around. Guan Shan was so fucking close to punch Jian Yi straight at his face-with-fucking-long-tongue if not Zheng Xi.

Guan Shan threw the floorcloth angrily at the corner. Zheng Xi, a cheery on the cake, with his eternally worried looks, checking on him every fucking time when He Tian was way too close to him.

_Enough._

Guan Shan grabbed his phone and keys, opened the door. He was surprised he didn’t see He Tian there. Not for long, Guan Shan did not manage to pass the second crossing when he saw him coming from the opposite direction.

_Calm down._

“Little Mo, I came to pick you up~”

“I’m not Jian Yi, I know where the pub is.” Guan Shan didn’t stop as he walked past He Tian.

“I was nearby~”

_Lately you are always nearby._

“So you could just go straight to the rest.”

“What’s the harm here, we can go together.”

_I don’t want to be alone with you, that’s the harm._

Crossing, a red light.  _Ok, arm on my shoulder in 3, 2, 1..._  Guan Shan ducked as he saw with corner of the eye a move He Tian did. He Tian froze with his arm raised, finally deciding to reach into his pocket for the cigarettes.

“Are we testing reflex here? You’re getting better and better.” He Tian lit his cigarette as they managed to pass to the other side.

_Yeah, right. I know this look of yours. You will find your way to play with me anyway._

“Guess who!” Guan Shan eyes where covered by warm hands, he was pulled back a little, the person behind was shorter than him.

“With this micro height it could be only Yin Su.” he took her hands off, turning around to face her.

“Hey, not so micro! I’m just about a head shorter than you!“

Guan Shan looked down on her shoes.

“When you’re on high heels, then maybe.” he scoffed at her sulking face,  he knew she wasn’t angry at all.

“Hello, He Tian~ Where you’re guys going?”

“The pub.”

“Are you playing tonight?! Guan Shan, again, you-!“

“No. Just for some discussion about it. And for pleasure.”

_‘Pleasure’. Depends for who._

“So I’ll not bother you, have a nice-“

“Come with us” Guan Shan said as sudden thought crossed his mind “Zheng Xi and Jian Yi will be there as well.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why not. Unless you have other plans.”

“Actually, I don’t. Fine! I’ll learn when you play so you will not run from me!” Guan Shan grabbed her by the arm, setting her between them “Oh my, you’re putting me away from the traffic? How sweet of you~”

_No. I’m just making you my private human barricade from this asshole. And my ticket to leave erlier._

“If you say so. Brother’s happy with the game?”

“You have no idea how much!”

He Tian was silent all the way.

\---

“So, my congratulations, you will soon start to give the concert as a main band!” Yu Fang announced finally with her sweet smile. Jian Yi expressed his satisfaction with a loud scream, deafening everyone at the table.

They were sitting together for a longer time, first all of them apparently had to exchange their greetings, some meaningless conversations, sweet smiles, and stories of their lives as if Guan Shan was interested in any of it. He was hoping he will somehow be able to sat as far from He Tian as it was possible. Of course he didn’t. As soon as they went in, He Tian grabbed him to the bar, when they joined the rest, Guan Shan did not have too many places to choose from, he ended between Yin Su and He Tian, time after time pushing He Tian off.

Guan Shan was playing with his bottle of beer, not drinking it at all. He looked at his phone.  _A little bit longer and it will be over._  Zheng Xi was looking once at him, once at He Tian, once at Yu Fang, Guan Shan finally put his beer with impetus, frowning at him.  _Stop this shit already._

“But, easy, next one will be still as a support, we really have a problem with the bands right now, forgive us~”

“No need to apologize, it’s great we will be main.” Zheng Xi said, escaping Guan Shan murderous glare.

“Honestly, it’s really great, as it was demanded! People were asking about you again, even other managers said you should go as a main, especially after Mo Guan Shan show last time.” she said with this sweet smile of hers still on her lips as she looked at him.

“Wait, what Guan Shan did?” Yin Su whispered theatrically, Jian Yi began to search on the phone to show her the video of the concert. Guan Shan did not even know that something like that existed.

“You realise it was improvisation? We don’t have guitar battles in our repertoire.” Guan Shan said, he felt more and more irritated, he felt He Tian eyes on him as well, as Zheng Xi’s who decided to went back with his previous doing.

_Just ignore them._

“I realised it, don’t worry~ It’s just that you guys surely can surprise us more.”

“Oh, we can, right, Redhead?” Jian Yi said quietly, giving Guan Shan clear look. Guan Shan clenched his hand on the bottle. If this was a plastic one as well, the beer would be spilled on at the table long time ago.

“But, we need to talk about equipment here, as you mostly played on the one of the main band as they let us set it earlier. The pub has its own, but let’s be honest here – it’s not the best, especially if it is about the drums. You have the pleasure to play on it already, Zhan Zheng Xi.”

“I thought already about this, and-“ Guan Shan stopped listen to Zheng Xi as he felt He Tian was leaning towards him. He felt his irritation growed.

“Really, Little Mo?” finger touch on his nape, shiver went down his spine “you will not show me more of you?” hot breath in his ear gave him goosebumps as He Tian was whispering his last question.  _Are you so much enjoying playing with me?_  He clenched his teeth, looked at He Tian, not moving away. _You’re waiting for my embarrassment, aren’t you? What will you do, if I give you something different, then?_

Guan Shan extended his hand, observing the change of expression on He Tian’s face – from his devilish look to more and more surprised one. He slowly grabbed He Tian by nape, pulling him closer, so he could reach his ear, trying to whisper as close to it as He Tian did.

“I can show you my middle finger. Now stop being so fucking clingy to me.”

Guan Shan moved away, trying to understand what conversation between Zheng Xi and Yu Fang was about, leaving He Tian with unguessed for him expression alone, and pushing away the thoughts his inner self was screaming in his mind.

_What the fuck are you doing?!_

“Guan Shan, seriously? I had no idea you’re so good!” Yin Su yelled, turning to face him, she put Jian Yi phone before him. Guan Shan smirked at her, he knew that Yin Su’s home is quite away from here, so she couldn’t afford to be late at her last bus. His plan was to excuse his early leave as he should walk her if he was the one who invited her in the first place. He looked at the screen, on which he saw himself on the stage, taking the lead from He Tian. It was strange to watch it.

 “Where did you take it from, Jian Yi?”

“I’m speaking with people, opposite to you~ ”

“Jian Yi, give me a look one more time! Or send it to me! I want to have a copy of this!”

Guan Shan jump on his chair, hitting the table from the bottom, making it wobble. He grabbed his bottle to make it stady, swallowed as he felt the hand on his thigh.

 “I think you have mistook the sides.” he growled quietly as he felt He Tian’s hand is moving to his knee and long fingers began to play on it.

“Why so?”

“It’s my fucking knee.”

“I’m aware of it.”

Guan Shan caught He Tian’s hand, squeezed it tightly.

“Don’t break my fingers, Little Mo, I need them~”  there were a devils sparks in his eyes “So?”

“...’so’ what”?

“I’m waiting for your turn~”

“My turn?”

“If you’re repeating my moves, then I’m waiting for your hand on my-“ Guan Shan moved his chair away from the table, ready to stand up “hey, where are you going, just at this moment?~”

Guan Shan was going to say he’s going back home. But no, not now, He Tian will not let him go, his eyes were clearly saying this.

“...beer. Fuck off.”

 “You have a full bottle.”

“It went warm.”

“Get one for me, too~”

“Scram, I’m not your maid.”

“So I’ll bring something for both of us. Your turn next time~” He Tian went to the bar, Guan Shan turn to Yin Su as soon as he lost He Tian from his sight.

 “Ok, Yin Su, I think we should go.”

“What? How so?” she looked at her watch and stood up immediately after that “Damn! I’ll lost my last transport!”

“You’re going already? We didn’t discuss anything, yet!” Yu Fang stopped her conversation with frowned eyes.

“ _He_  knows what equippment I’m using, no need for me to be here.”

“Wait, Guan Shan, I should say my goodby to He Tian, not polite to leave like this.”

“ _ **The bus**_.”

“Damn, right! Guys, have a nice night! Yu Fang, it was so nice to meet you!” Guan Shan was pushing her back to make her leave already, looking around and being carefull to not run on He Tian on their way to the exit. He was ignoring his buzzing phone all the way back home.

 

*

 

He Tian blew out the smoke, waiting outside the music shop for Jian Yi as he finish his talk with the owner. He was replaying the video of their concert over and over again. He enjoyed it every time, but it couldn’t reflect the looks Guan Shan was giving him back then. He Tian remembered them very clear in his mind, but he wanted to experienced them once again. And again.

Guan Shan said he is going to look after new multieffect as the one he has right now is not good enough. Jian Yi decided to join him as he wanted to buy new strings for himself,  Zheng Xi asked for the drumsticks as he could not go with them this day. He Tian joined , not wanting to lose the oportunity to spend more time with Guan Shan. “ _Something came up, go without me.”_

He Tian looked at his unanswered messages, dragging again with a smoke. At first he thought that maybe he had teased Guan Shan too much after what happened at the pub. He couldn’t help it, it was the first time Guan Shan made any move on him. Even if this move was just to make him fuck off. Still back then, He Tian needed a second to proceed what was happening, if this was just his imagination or it really was Guan Shan’s breath in his ear. He Tian wanted more. But not to tell him to fuck off. He wanted to hear him whisper in this hot voice something completely opposite. Actually, he didn’t have to whisper. He could scream as well. Moan. Under him.

Guan Shan didn’t do such a thing anymore of course, just opposite - he bacame more distanced to him, not letting him get too close. When they were speaking about the music, everything seemed fine, at last until He Tian was not trying to invade Guan Shan’s space. But he needed to, he needed to get closer to Guan Shan, what became a hard thing to do as Guan Shan began to clearly avoiding him, picking every third call, making it extreamly short, not response on his messages or response after few hours with ‘ _Busy, have no time_ ’ content. He started to coming on rehearsals just punctually, as soon as they were ending the play, he pack himself quickly with this “ _no time!_ ” of his.

It last too long. Until some time ago Guan Shan showed him he has enough with his glare, or he went away for a moment, for He Tian it was a sign he may overdid his pushes towards him, then he gave him some space, a little, for a little while, but still. But now it seems like something more was behind Guan Shan behaviour, and He Tian couldn’t figure it out.

 “You really like to talk.” He Tian moved as Jian Yi finally went out from the shop.

“What, I like the owner here, he always has something interesting to say about the bass.”

“He’s the owner, it would be strange if he hasn’t.”

“Why so irritated? It wasn’t so long.”

“Am I~? Just your impression~” He was. But not because of Jian Yi talk.

“Jian Yi? It’s really you!” they stopped as they here a calling behind their backs.

“Hey! Long time no see~ How’s live?”

He Tian smiled at the girl, she nodded politly. He took a look on his phone again. Guan Shan still didn’t answer to his messages. Maybe he should go to him.

“For you it really can be some long time, but I saw your play in the pub, you guys were awesome! I didn’t know you’re in a band!”

“Really? You think so? I hope it’s not because Redhead was playing, hm?”

“Of course not, your bass intro was great!”

“HA! Finally someone appreciated it!”

“But you can’t deny it, Guan Shan was amazing~ he totally stole the show from you.”

“Tsk...as expected...”

He Tian looked at the girl over his phone.  _‘Guan Shan’ again. When people got so friendly with him?_

“You will play again, I hope as a main band?”

“Will not tell you now ~ stay tuned!”

“I will!”

Jian Yi wave at her, turning his sudden frowned look at He Tian.

“Hey, hey, hey, He Tian, stop that!”  
  
“What?” He Tian started to walk again. Yeah, he will go to see Little Mo today.  
  
“The thing you were doing just now?”  
  
“And it means?”  
  
“Stop fooling around! I saw how you were looking at her.”  
  
“I seriously have no idea what are you talking about.”  
  
“Well, better it be that way, that was Redhead’s ex, if you’re a good friend better not to approach her, right?”  
  
He Tian looked around after the girl so quickly he felt his neck hurt.  
  
“Hey! What was I saying?! Do you even care?”  
  
“You have no idea how much“ he answered, turning back to him when the girl disappeared from his sight “as Zhan Zheng Xi is busy today, you have some time, right? Keep me company, then.” he threw his arm on Jian Yi’s shoulder and dragged him to the firts bar on their way. He Tian pushed him down on the first free chair he could find, leaving him confused for a while. When he returned, Jian Yi had a malicious smile on his face.

“You know what, He Tian~ You don’t need to make me drunk if you want to learn about Redhead’s past. It’s not like it’s a top secret thing or something. But, I’ll ask you for a favour in return~” he took the drink away from He Tian and put it next to his “drop me to XiXi place, when we finish, would you?~”

\---

A steady knock at the door forced Zheng Xi to pause the game he has just started. He stood up, irritated and tired after all day. Irritation and tiredness quickly disapeared as he looked through the peephole in the door.

"What happened? Something wrong with him ?!"

"Hey, Zhan Zheng Xi ~ I give you your property back, I have overstretched him a little bit, forgive me ~"

"What?"

"XiXi ~ You came for me? ~" Zheng Xi felt the stifling smell of alcohol as Jian Yi pushed himself unsteadily from He Tian and hung around his neck.

“Hey! Why did you bring him here?!”

“As a thanks.To him.”

He Tian turned around before Zheng Xi had time to say anything more, leaving him with hanging and snuggling Jian Yi, who managed to blink to him in thanks. He Tian had to admit that Jian Yi had amazing acting skills. Before they went out from the bar, he drunk one drink and poured over himself the second one. At He Tian’s questioning look, Jian Yi said with a smile "XiXi has a very good heart for drunk people, you know ~"

 He Tian went outside, reflexively heading for the main street with the intention of catching a taxi, but he changed his mind. He needed to walk.

Somehow it didn’t cross his mind, that Guan Shan could have someone. They never talk about this kind of stuff between all of them. He Tian didn’t mention this topic with Jian Yi or Zhan Zheng Xi as their relationship was clear to him. And with Guan Shan, because of obviously reasons – he didn’t want to mention what  he was doing when he was away , he wasn’t proud of that. Guan Shan wasn’t either the type of person that document all his private life in the social media, so he never knew and just assumed like that the things look like they were before he left, that nothing changed in this field.  _Naive._

Jian Yi told him more than he was expecting to hear. What was happening after he leave. How Guan Shan behave, what he did. With whom he was. How many of them. He Tian took the cigarettes out of the pocket, after a while he just put them back in, cursing. He really didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect he could screw up  _so much_. Guan Shan was in a fucking relationships.  _Relationships_ , a fucking pluar form. And he had seven of them. It’s seven too many. If it were all of them, Jian Yi was not sure when he started to count them.  _Count_ , the fuck! He Tian knew he’s acting like a hypocrite, he was not celibate, but he never was with anybody for long enough to even call it a relationship in the first place. The girls were dissapointed in him very quickly. He Tian knew, why – lack of attention, lack of sensitive words and assurance of feelings. He did not have any to them, so neither showed them. He only relieved his tension. He knew he was acting like a jerk, he did not care back then. Only Guan Shan was in his head, so he could not concentrate on any of the girls even when he tried to. Guan Shan apparently had no problems with that. The girl he met today was with him for half a year. Half a fucking year!

The only thing he could now think was to lock Guan Shan somewhere, overwrite any touches that may appeard on his body throught this years they were apart. He didn’t know he has so much of will to monopolize him.  

  
_Fuck, take it ease, it’s on the past right now, it doesn’t matter._

_Really?_

He knew there is no point of thinking and speculating about “what if” situation. He couldn’t change what has already happened. He kept telling himself that his past doesn’t matter here as well as Guan Shan’s. But this was the first time he felt so uncertain. And he didn’t like it at all.

 

*

Guan Shan stood under the shower for a longer time, feeling that the uninvited thoughts slowly begin to gather themselves to knock on the door that he’s trying to shut within him for a while.

_What have you thought?_

Yep, here it goes. Again. He has been going throught this over and over since their meeting at the pub.

  _Am I going throught this shit again? I know, I screwed it up!_

 

_The hell you did this for?_

_He’s too sure of himself._

_He is because he knows it’s working. Stop proving it to him._

Guan Shan stepped out of the shower, angry at himself. Why the hell he did this? He wanted to surprise He Tian with something he did not expect, not giving him any satisfaction with his flinches or blushes. So that he’ll finally fuck off. He should think before he did anything, he should know it will have quite opposite effect.

_Congratulations, you fucked this up. There’s no way to make He Tian fuck off._

He should know it. He should remember it. But he was pissed off.

_And? What this move brought to you?_

Thoughts of He Tian scent he couldn’t get rid now off of his memory. Of warmth of his skin. Of soft hairs he was touching when he pulled him closer. And more of He Tian at general. He was even more obtrusive than he already was, making it almost impossible to not think about him. Guan Shan slammed the door to the bathroom, anger in him rised again.

_Just remember who he is. Just remember who you are for him._

_You’re just a toy._

Guan Shan remembered. But it didn’t help him at all, actually it was making things worse, as it was hard to suppress the pain that was still smoldering in him with this thoughts. He reached his phone, noticed a new messages.

 

_Mo Guan Shan has joined the group chat._

  
Jian Yi:  New songs! We need more for the band, if soon we will play as a main! Any ideas, my friends?

Zhan Zheng Xi: There’s no point on writing anything because we have to. Write something if you catch this inspiration of yours.

Jian Yi: I knew you would wrote something like this, XiXi~ But still, I’m not the only one here who writes, am I?

Mo Guan Shan: Don’t count on me.

Jian Yi: Come on, there should be something we can give for the WHOLE band, hm?

Mo Guan Shan: Do whatever you want with the rest of the songs you wrote.

Jian Yi: How about yours?

Mo Guan Shan: Fuck off, they are mine. I don’t agree to give them away for this fucker to sing.

Jian Yi: You could sing with him!

 

Guan Shan grabbed the towel from his sholders so violenlty he felt the skin on his neck hurt. He grabbed the phone in both hands, cursing under his breath.

  
Mo Guan Shan: For fuck’s sake, enough of this topic! I will not sing anymore, with or without him! If you ever mention this again, in any fucking way, I’ll seriously beat you up, do you fucking get it?!  I’m not joking here, I advise you not to test me!

_Mo Guan Shan has left the group chat._

\---

Jian Yi: ...

Zhan Zheng Xi: I told you you’ll piss him off finally. Congratulations.

\---

Guan Shan grabbed his guitar, plugged it to the amplifier angrily. Breath in, out. Easy. Calm down.

He felt irritation as he realised that he seriously will not sing anymore. He didn’t want to sing with He Tian, he didn’t want him to know he can. So he’s blocked. Hit, heavy sounds filled the room. So this is what’s left for him. His own flat with a small amplifier with the settings of the volume absolutely too low for his taste. He closed his eyes, trying to threw everything out, even if it is just for a little while. Threw away irritation made by Jian Yi. Threw away irritation made by Zheng Xi looks on him. Threw He Tian out of his head, where he is on Guan Shan’s own request. And this is where hard part begins. It shouldn’t look like that, it was not suppose to be like that.

Something was messing with his sound, he muttted the strings to focus on it. He heard his door bell, furiously pushed by the person behind the door.  _Great, again this old hag, how is that she has so fucking selective hearing_. He put his guitar down, prepering himself to say it’s not late and he can do whatever he fucking want, but, yes, he will turn the volume down, and yes, he is so sorry to make her come here again. He opened the door with impetus and couldn’t find words in his mouth.

“Well, who would guess it! Mo Guan Shan! I should know the only person that can be so fucking annoying would be you!”

Guan Shan just slammed the door, telling himself that this is some fucking mirage. The door opened before he could do the second step back to his guitar. It must be some joke. It’s impossible it’s really happening.

“Hey! Listen to me when I’m talking to you!”

Slave Master. For all fucking places in the town, he moved to  _this_  building.

“Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Watch your tone Mo Guan Shan.”

“Get the fuck OUT!”

“People like you are just a trash-“

This is some kind of bullshit. Too much for him to handle right now. He had enough of He Tian, enough of crying Jian Yi, enough of worried looks of Zheng Xi. He had fucking enough.  
He felt other guy snapped his forehead.

“Hey! I’m talking to you right now!”

The next what Guan Shan saw was his own fist reaching Slave Master’s face

 

*

 

“I already solved this case. They should recive the proper documents by now.”  He Tian said, not letting his brother say anything first, going in a hurry to the rehearsal as he was late. And it went so good until now to get there on time lately.

“I know. They are impressed you found a solution so quickly.”

“So?”

“They have one more case for you. This one can be a little bit harder.”

“Just send me it. No need to call.”

“You can get  _promoted_  if you will managed to do it.”

“And if not?”

“The things will stay as they are.”

“Good. Don’t send it to me, then.”

He Tian ended the call, feeling uneasy. He didn’t like the way his brother spoke the ‘promoted’ word. ‘Promoted’ here couldn’t mean anything good anyway. He didn’t need any kind of changes at his work. It was good as it was right now. At last on this field he managed to have some kind of stability.

He turned around the corner and saw Zhan Zheng Xi with Guan Shan before the entrance to the building. Guan Shan had a black eye on his face.

\---

“Guan Shan -” started Zheng Xi, observing his face for a longer time.

“Nothing to worry, just one time thing.” he lit a cigarette.

“You sure?“

“Yes, I’m sure. Almost sure... what, if this piece of shit will come to me again I’ll not hold myself back!”  he dragged and almost immediately blew the smoke out “For fuck’s sake, you to, just enough of this looks, it doesn’t help me at all!”

“So what will?”

Guan Shan thought for a moment. His vacations are getting closer.

“A break. A fucking long break.” he get the cigarette to his lips, he stopped as he saw He Tian.  _Fuck. Already here._

“What happend to your face?”  He Tian reached out a hand to Guan Shan’s cheek, Guan Shan shoved him off violently before he touched him, still He Tian managed to catch his hand in a strong grip.

“... I hit the locker.” Guan Shan said as He Tian was looking at his wounded knuckles.

“And you were boxing with it as well?”

“That’s the story, glad you know it, I don’t have to repeat it.” he mumbled as he shook off his hand.

“...watch your fingers, you need them untouched.”

“As you can see, they are good” he said, showing him one. Guan Shan threw his cigarette away as he saw He Tian lit his own “I’m heading back inside.”

“You know what’s going on.” He Tian spoke after a while. Zheng Xi didn’t say a word “but you will not tell me, do you.” Zheng Xi still didn’t comment it. He didn’t have to. He Tian sighed, finished his cigarette “So let’s go back before Little Mo will hit a new ‘locker’ in the corridor.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zheng Xi flinched when he felt an unpleasant sensation running over his body.
> 
> “Wow, that was a powerfull shiver here! Have you caught a cold or something?”
> 
> “I wish I have... Tell me, would you rather be cremated or not? I’m still not sure.”
> 
> “?!”

Guan Shan opened the locker, took out his outfit and started to get ready to work. He looked at his reflection on the small mirror on the inner locker site as he was changing his clothes. The effect of the fight on his face has almost vanished, a little bit of yellowish color was still visible.

The athmosphere at work was very tensed after the fight, even always cheerful Yin Su decided to step back and not to ask anything about it. After Guan Shan cooled down, he began to felt stressed out, as he didn’t know how it would end for him, after all he beat up the manager. When they both were in the same room, the air was so heavy the rest of the crew were obviously feeling extremely uncomfortable. Slave Master was incredibelly angry, as for everyone it was clear who has won the fight – manager’s face had a lot more bruises, additionally they were not healing very well, when Guan Shans bruise started to vanish, his on the other hand started to get more violetish and greenish colors. Slave Master had his focus fully on Guan Shan, waiting for some mistake. But finally he has made one himself.

Guan Shan smirked at his reflection, closing the locker. He never would imagine that the thought of this jerk’s face would make him smile so much.

As soon as the boss appeard at work after a few days and saw both of them, he realised the situation and called them to the office. Slave Master looked like he was announced a new owner of the place, probably with conviction the talk that was waiting for them will cause some problems for Guan Shan. Guan Shan was sure of this himself. Until the moment the manager started his monologue, Guan Shan felt he was shocked as much as his boss as Slave Master was not thinking apparently what he was talking about. The manager was so sure of himself that he didn’t even skept one insult he used when he visited him. Not a single one. Previously Guan Shan was not listening to him very carefully, when he heard all his monologue again he knew even if he wasn’t at the edge of his patience back then, he still would beat him up.

“So...just to make things clear and short...you baraged to his flat, uninvited, started to yell and insult him and you’re surprised you’re looking like this?”

“It works on them here, there’s no other way to make them listen! So, as he-”

“I beg your pardon, ‘it works on  _ **them here**_ ‘ ?”

Guan Shan didn’t even say one word from the beginning, he was just battling with his inner self not to burst in laugh as he saw first like Slave Master was digging his own grave and failed after that in any attempts to get out from this in one piece.

“... get back to work, I’ll not take more of your time...but I will have my eyes on both of you, so better for you to behave here - and you, where are you going? I was talking to Mo,  _he_  can leave. We still have something to discuss here.”

Guan Shan smiled again at himself as he remembered the expression of this jerk face as he was leaving the office. Oh Lord, this memory was like a balsame to his soul.

He entered the kitchen, Yin Su face just materialize before him, with narrowed eyes she was glancing at him.

“...what are you doing?” he frowned at her

“I’m checking your mood” she frowned as well, sudden she smiled “it’s good, right?”

“...I’m starting to doubt it...what are you looking at? You’ll burn the meat!” the girl that keep staring at him jumped all red and took her eyes to the pan, trying to save the dish.

“Yes, it is definitely good. I’m glad.”

“Why should I care.” he went pass her to the sink to wash his hands.

“So, tell me, were you fighting as our savior, defender of the oppressed?”

“...do you hear yourself?”

“After all, it’s thanks to you  _he_  became more... _polite_?“

“Not my doing, go thank him for his stupidity.”

“But still...everyone would really like to know what happened.”

“Not their business.” She went silent for a moment, started to behave unsure, finally she asked

“But you will tell me, right?” He grinned at her.

“Why should I? Not your buissness as well.”

“Oh come on, don’t do this to me!” she stopped to mince her words, seriously terrified “ Do you realise how it bothers me?”

“I do. And now my mood is good for sure.”

“You’re cruel! Don’t tease me here!”

“Let’s say he doesn’t like my music.” he said finally as she looked like she’s going to cry on it.

“He was in the pub?! But, when, you didn’t have a concert recently?”

“Worse. He lives in the same building as I am. You - fuck off, would you? It’s not funny!”

“Sorry, but for me it’s hilarious!” she couldn’t stop laugh.

For Guan Shan, it was not. As long as for now the thought about the manager made him smile, on the second hand the thought of just a possibillity of meeting this guy in the corridor in his building made him sick. It was enough he tried to avoid He Tian, he didn’t want to have to sneak around the stairwell in order to avoid another person. He saw a waitress, all red on her face and daydreaming as she approached him  _Speaking of the devil._

“E-exucse me... I was told to give it directly to Mo Guan Shan...” the girl passed the note to him, he took it furiously, putting it on the counter as he read it.

“Make his bill as high as possible” Guan Shan growled to the girl and began to prepere the dish.

“  ‘ _Surprise me, Little Mo.’_ You’re going to make something expensive here? What will you cook?  _”_ Yin Su started to look through his arm.

“Water. Don’t bother me. What are you looking at, you can’t cook anyway, so get out from here. _”_  he moved her out of his way as he was reaching ingredients.

“How coul- well, yeah, I can’t. Oh, right! Any plans for your vacation? You have like, two weeks off? I’m jealous here, I have only a week...”

“Not my problem you used all your possible free days for this year.” he walked past her, making her spin around.

“My brother and I with few of our friends are going out of the town, maybe you want to join us?”

“Not really, I don’t have so much spare money like you.”

“Come one, what’s the harm? The house belongs to my family, so accommodation is for free~  So?”

“Yin Su, get the fuck out of here, don’t you have anything to do right now?” he said as he had to move her again out of his way.

“Alright, alright...and I though Slave Master has his free day today ~ ”

“Out. Now.” he pushed her finally from the kitchen and went back to make a dish.

After all, he didn’t plan anything. He was so stressed his situation at work he barely could think about anything else, he seriously was afraid that the break he was waiting for will be his longest one. And after the situation ended so well for him, he felt relieved enough not to worry about the lack of plans, the most important thing back then was reached – he was not fired. But yeah, he didn’t think about the main problem. And he was prepearing the dish for this main problem of his. He Tian will come here for sure during these two weeks, and he will learn Guan Shan has vacation. And when he will learn it, it will be game over for Guan Shan, he would not get rid of He Tian in any way. His work always played a big role in his excuses, now he will end without it. And he seriously needed a break from He Tian as he let him again be too close to him, he was too relaxed. Maybe he should join Yin Su after all. But the thought of bunch of people he didn't know wasn't really convenient.

 He was finishing his work as the waitress from before entered the kitchen with new orders.

“Here. For this asshole.”

“Em... Mo Guan Shan...are you sure? This man has become our regular client recently, we shouln’t – “

“Get this to this fucker’s table.”

“...”

\---

The waitress He Tian spoke previously, was appraching him. Her face changed, when he was ordering she was all red, keeping her eyes on him all the time he was writing his order, back then she didn’t even realise he was giving her back the notes, she still was standing and looking at him. Now she was ghostly pale, almost transparent as she was putting his dish before him, clearly holding her breath and apparently waiting for the worst to come. He looked down on the plate and smiled.

“Can I get your notes again?”

Terrified girl passed him notes, he wrote a short note, folded the card into a small square and gave it back to her.

“Could you give it to him? No peeking, please ~ ” 

She bowed with relief on her face and quickly went away probably with fear he will change his mind and decide to comment this. He Tian waited a moment and let himself smile again as he finally got a sign Guan Shan has received his message – the loud sound of falling metal dishes.

\---

“What are you doing?! You’re lucky here they were empty!” Yin Su went to the kitchen again to check what’s happened.

“You don’t have to tell me that.” Guan Shan growled as he began to lift the dishes he had knocked down.

_Bastard. I fucking hate him._

_Todays score - 1:0 for He Tian._

Yin Su reached to the card he dropped as he tried to catch the falling dishes.

“  _‘ If you will join me, I will’ ?_ What’s with that order?”

“Nothing” he took the card from her hand abruptly, as he looked at it again, he made his decision “You were saying accomodation for free, right? You have my attention, when and where exactly?”

\---

“I have no clue what is it but it looks delicious, I want the same”  Jian Yi said as he has joined He Tian, tilting his head to read the inscription made of the sauce around the plate “but maybe without this lovely wish.”

“What are you talking about, he clearly cares about me here.”

“  _‘Go fuck yourself’_? You have really strange understanding of caring .“

 

*

Zheng Xi sighed at his phone when he received a response from Guan Shan. So everything was clear now. That’s why Guan Shan was so enthusiastic as never when Zheng Xi wanted to change the number of their meetings.

As Jian Yi grades started to fall down with extremall tempo, Zheng Xi said he will not play so often until he improves them. Guan Shan looked awfully motivated with this idea. Zheng Xi knew Guan Shan loves to play as much as he, so he shouldn’t react so possitively on this. Zheng Xi expected something more like “I don’t give a shit about his grades, we will play without a bass for a while, that’s all, so you better stay on the drums here”. But, no, Guan Shan said “That’s a great idea, it works for me as well!” They reduced rehearsals to two.  And today was the first rehearsal in this week.

He Tian asked about Guan Shan four days ago. Zheng Xi seriously didn’t know back then where Guan Shan is or that he has started a vacation. As He Tian still couldn’t contact him, Zheng Xi decided to ask what’s going on as he started to get worried. He looked again at the message.

So ok, Guan Shan was out of the town. He has his sweet time, sleeping till noon or whatever he is doing right now. And he left everything on Zheng Xi head. Jian Yi was crying all the time he wants to go back with previous schedule. And soon to him will join He Tian. And not just He Tian – it will be  _angry_  He Tian. He already wasn’t very content they reduced the meetings, he will not be happy when he learns Guan Shan is not here. Not good at all. Zheng Xi just had a feeling it will end bad for him somehow.

 “He Tian will get mad ~“ Jian Yi jumped at his back, looking at the screen.

“... just let’s go already.”

\---

He Tian looked at the time.  _Late again_. He had too much work recently. He needed to finish it quickly as he had a surprise for Little Mo. But first he need to catch him and lately it was impossible to do so.

He saw Guan Shan was extremally nervous after he ‘ _hit the locker’_ , it was visible and hearable, on the rehearsals he was making mistake after mistake, couldn’t focus, he was swallowing every time his phone vibrated, like he was expecting some bad news. From day to day it changed, he even caught Guan Shan on smiling a little under his nose. So far so good, He Tian was glad about it as Guan Shan apparently felt so relaxed to the point he even didn’t react so abruptly on him when he tried to approach him. Of course until He Tian didn’t do something more than throw his arm on him. Whispers for example were absolutely ‘no-no’ as well as neck touches.

Sometimes He Tian felt like he was approaching a wild animal. Slowly, he gets his trust, with small steps getting closer to him. But then He Tian makes some move he is not aware of, and this move makes things go back to the start point, with Guan Shan more distrustful then at the beginning. Maybe not exactly ‘not aware of’, he knew it has to do with his pushes towards him, but once it was a touch of his hair and once just a look , that was enough to make Guan Shan distance from him again.  And more Guan Shan was distancing himself from him, more He Tian was feeling unease. It was enough his talk with Jian Yi worked perfecty at this field.

Last time Yin Su was on their rehearsal. Guan Shan didn’t look like he was eager with it, more like he just get along with her to make her leave him in peace already. He Tian didn’t like the relation they have, he didn’t like it from the beginning. Jian Yi told him they’re just friends but still. She was too close to Guan Shan.

He Tian knew Guan Shan at some point has his eyes on him. It is impossible it’s not like that. Not after looks and reactions Guan Shan gave him until now. Just...impossible. But if so, why is he pushing him so much away? Where’s the problem? He wanted to learn this, get this distance away from them, spend some time with him together, without Zhan Zheng Xi, Jian Yi or Yin Su. He wanted him just for himself, and wanted himself get rid of this uneaseness of his as well, so he prepered a little surpirse for Guan Shan –  he just had to convince Little Mo to spend some time with him. And here hard part begins, because he couldn’t get in touch with him. So today he will not let him dissapear after the rehearsal.

\---

Zheng Xi flinched as He Tian went inside with “I’m here, sorry”, looking around, apparently for Guan Shan. In vain, of course.

“Where’s Little Mo? It’s not like him to be this late.”

“On his vacation right now.” Zheng Xi tensed as Jian Yi was talking bluntly.  _Why am I nervous, nothing’s happening._ His snare drum became really interesting.  “They went out of the town.”

“ ‘ _They’_  ?”

Zheng Xi decided to check tuning again, he should be sure everything sound properly, right?  

“He, Yin Su, and a couple of her friends.”

Is his snare out of tune here? _Rat-a-tat_. Yeah, definitely, he need to correct it. Zheng Xi hold his breath as he noticed a shadow appeared on his drums. The shadow itself was somehow dangerous, he didn’t necessarily want to face its owner.

 “Where is he?”  _Rat-a-tat_ , no, still out of tune, he hit once again. The tone of He Tian’s voice was not in his liking right now. He Tian grabbed his drumstick, making Zheng Xi look at him.

“He Tian, I-“

“I have asked something, Zhan Zheng Xi.” It was a long time since he has seen He Tian like this. He Tian’s attitude was so charismatic and powerful right now he knew there is no point in trying to lie to him he has no clue where Guan Shan is. But he couldn’t tell him, Guan Shan will kill him. On the other hand, He Tian was closer than Guan Shan right now. And somehow he gave this kind of feeling he will kill him, too, if he will not speak. Zheng Xi swallowed.

“I know where he is, orientationally.” Jian Yi sounded like he was having fun “He wrote something the house is at the lake.” Zheng Xi opened his eyes wider as Jian Yi was giving He Tian location.  _I’m so dead._  “oh, look at it, it can help here, Yin Su just posted it on her social.” Jian Yi came closer to show them the phone.

The short video from a frozen lake, with single house in the background, Yin Su on first plan camering them,  Guan Shan on the second plan who fell on the ice with some girl which fell into him. Some laughs of others and curses of Guan Shan. He Tian smiled. Just his lips, Zheng Xi still felt the dangerous aura coming from him.

“Thank you, Jian Yi. I’ll be out of the town for a while... better get back to study and improve your grades.” Jian Yi didn’t cry about his words, somehow he looked very pleased.  Zheng Xi allowed himself to exhale deeply when He Tian left, then he began to browsing throught his phone.

“What are you doing? Are you going to warn Redhead?”

“No, I’m just looking for a proper coffin for myself.”

*

“No, again, there is a dead note, look at the tabs”

“Oh, right, sorry.”

“Repeat from this tact as you have problem with this change right here.” Guan Shan has leaned closer to Yin Ming, showing him what he was talking about. The four friends of Yins were fighting between themself who should be the ruller of the console controller right now.

Guan Shan managed to spend a little of his time alone, walking forward, getting back at evenings. He didn’t manage to escape as often as he would like to, as Yin Su’s friends just made him to join everyone on some ice skating at the frozen lake,  or go with all of them to the bars in the small town. He really couldn’t understand them, especially why they want him to join them as his attitude was not the best. He just needed to get out of the town for some time, to reset his mind. The place did it’s job, everything seemed so distanced and unreal. Like his problems really didn’t exist. Just peace and silence.

“Hey, Mo”  _Yeah, right. Peace and silence, my ass._  “don’t you think I could practice something like this?” Yin Ming asked, showing him video on his phone.

“Master this first, it’s important. Then think about some fancy effects.”  _I need a break from him_.

“I have never heard anything like that from you, maybe you should become a teacher~” Guan Shan heard as he entered the kitchen, Yin Su was trying to cut some vegetables for pizza.

“Fuck you, you just made me be one here.”

“Why so rude, Guan Shan, it’s not so bad after all, right?”

Maybe it would be not, if her brother was not so tiresome. When they arrived here few days ago, Yin Ming was already on place with his friend, and he welcomed them, holding his acoustic guitar and looking at Guan Shan like on pile of gold bars, with shining eyes. Then Yin Su decided to say she  _forgot_  to mention her brother really would like Guan Shan to teach him some basics. First he wanted to tell her he’s not going to teach anybody anything but he remembered he’s here for free, so he decided this much he can do. So, he just switched He Tian’s face to Yin Ming one. He was everywere. The guy was following him with this “Mo, how about that? Mo, what do you think about this mark? Mo, what size of strings should I use?” Just...tiresome guy.  Guan Shan watched Yin Su's hands, hearing his cook instinct’s screaming, terrified of what he was seeing.

“For fuck’s sake, you’re seriously useless in the kitchen. Give me that knife. I’m feeling sorry for your future husband.”

“I’ll find myself a cook~ Wish me good luck~”

“Hell no, I’m not so cruel to sentence someone at  _this_.”

“The guy from the bar we went today was really good, both at cooking and looking~ “

“If you’ll try any move on him, I will warn him. “

“How could you!”

“It’s just solidarity.”

“As we are on this topic” she leaned her elbows on the counter, watching his work “what do you think about my friend?”

“What?”

“She likes you clearly ~”

“... I’m sorry for her taste.”

“You’re not interested?”

“No.”

“Oh come on, why not! She’s pretty, inteligent, funny, she ev-“

“Yin Su, fuck off, would you?”

She snorted, pretending to be insulted and went silent. It didn’t last long.

“I know! You’re already interested in someone, right?”

He stuck the knife into the board and passed her a ready pizzas plates. He got angry on the name that pop up in his mind when she was asking him this question.

“This much you can do properly, right?” he grabbed his drink and went back to Yin Ming, leaving his sister with the oven.  _Nice break_. As he reached him, the door bell rang.

“I’ll get it” Yin Ming  went to the door, Yin Su looked from the kitchen.

“Are you expecting more of your friends?” Guan Shan took a look through the window, taking a sip.

“No, not really, I have told my family I will be here so we shouldn’t be bothered by anyone as well, I wonder who it is.”

Guan Shan spat his drink out on the window as he recognized a fancy car parked on the driveway.  _Zhan Zheng Xi, I will fucking kill you!_

\---

Zheng Xi flinched when he felt an unpleasant sensation running over his body.

“Wow, that was a powerfull shiver here! Have you caught a cold or something?”

“I wish I have... Tell me, would you rather be cremated or not? I’m still not sure.”

“?!”

\---

 

“Guan Shan! You’ll clean this window!”

Guan Shan went past her to the door.  

“Hello, Little Mo.” Guan Shan stiffened as he felt some warm sensation inside him as he heard his voice.  _For fuck’s sake, it was only a few days._ He felt betrayed by his own feelings.

“Mo, he says you know him?”

“No, I don’t.” Guan Shan escaped his eyes from He Tian’s ones. Somehow he couldn’t look at him. His face was smiling, but his eyes were cold.

_He’s angry._

_Why you should bother?_

“You didn’t tell me He Tian will join us!” Yin Su smiled behind him at He Tian.

“I wish I would know that myself.”

“He didn’t tell you I’ll be here as well? If so, then I’m not sure if I’m not a bother~”

“What are you talking about, come inside! The more of us, the more fun!”

 “Not polite of you to leave without a word. And not answering on my calls and messeges.” He Tian grabbed his arm as they were left alone in the corridor.

“I don’t have to excuse myself to you!”

 “So heartless, Little Mo. It hurts when you’re leaving me behind like this.”

“What?! You-“ Guan Shan wanted to say him to fuck off. That he didn’t care. That why he should bother about his mood. That he’s the one pissed off here. But he couldn’t find his voice as he finally fixed his eyes on the gray ones. 

“Hey, enough with this console, let’s play something everyone can enjoy! Guan Shan, He Tian, come here already!” He Tian eyes became milder, soft smile appeared on his lips.

“Shall we?” he threw his arm at Guan Shan, making him join the rest.

 

*

 

He Tian has been poking him for a longer time, playing with Guan Shan’s hair and tracing his neck length with his fingers, Guan Shan was so unconscious he just waved his hand randomly, moving away and dozing again. He was so defenseless it was dangerous for He Tian. He kept staring at his neck. He would really love to leave a mark here. And here. And there, too.

“Little Mo~ I’m bored, get up already.”  _Get up. Before I really do something_.

“...fuck off...”

“Come on, it’s almost 11.”

“...we sat til 4...I have a fucking vacation, asshole...I’ll sleep until the dinner...don’t bother me...” Guan Shan rolled to his back, his t-shirt went a little up, revealing his v-line.  _Ok, enough._

He Tian went at the balcony to cool himself a little, he left the door wide open. Guan Shan’s look yesterdays evening as he arrived made him at ease a little bit. He clearly was confused, he wasn’t sure how he should react on He Tian. What he saw in his eyes was ‘sorry’. At last he thought so, he wasn’t sure, because Guan Shan tried to put some distance between them, he obviously was making sure they’re not alone. But not now, as the other guys got up a long time ago, and he still refuses to do so.  _You’re driving me crazy here._

He heard a move, he looked behind at Guan Shan. He shivered, wraped himself with the quilt, only his hair was visible right now. Devilish smirk appeared on He Tian’s lips.  _Forgive me, Little Mo. Just a little bit._

He Tian closed the door to the balcony, went to the dozing Guan Shan and with one strong move removed the quilt from him. He sat astride above him, waiting for him to focus. When he saw Guan Shan finally manage to look at him properly, he smiled and showed him what he brought him from the balcony. Guan Shan opened his eyes wider.

“DON’T YOU EVEN DARE TO - !”

\---

“Who wants some more coffee?” the answer on that was muffled by loud scream coming from above, all in the kitchen looked up “oh my, they’re sure lively ~”

\---

“I’ll fucking kill you, He Tian!” Guan Shan yelled as he tried to push He Tian’s hands away from under his t-shirt, feeling the snowball is melting on his body, making him shiver.

“Your skin is so hot for my cold hands, it feels nice ~ ”

“Take away your hands from me!”

“I don’t want to ~””

“Fuck, you- hey, hey HEY, where do you think you’re going with them?!”

“I have never felt your muscle before so much, you have a really nice body here~ “

Guan Shan managed to roll over He Tian, pushing him to the ground. He Tian has looked like he was just waiting for this, he grabbed Guan Shan’s hands and put them on both sides of his head and with smirk he put his own hands on Guan Shan hips, not letting him get up.

 “So? You haven’t denied or confirmed anything to me.” Guan Shan frowned at him, not understanding “ _Will you join me_?” he asked as he moved his hand to Guan Shans abdomen.

“YOU-!”

“Hey, are you going finally down for the breakfast or not?” Yin Su entered, stopped at the door, looking at He Tian’s one hand on Guan Shan hips, second hand under Guan Shan’s t-shirt, at Guan Shan pose above He Tian and at their faces close to each other “... I will leave you some, then ~ pardon the interuption ~ ”

They were alone, Guan Shan stiffened in his position looking at the closed now door, He Tian was waiting for his move. Guan Shan abruptly took a pillow in his hands and started to push it furiously against smiling face of He Tian.

\---

As Guan Shan went down quickly after finally getting rid of He Tian ( he managed to lock the door with He Tian still inside ), first what welcomed him was Yin Su who was smiling at him above her cup of coffee. He felt his ears are going red. Yin Ming walked in, taking the car keys.

“You’re going out?”

“Y-yeah, for some shopping, the fridge is almost emp-“

“I’m coming with you.”

“Really? So great, I have still a lot of questions for you! But, I wanted to step to other places, it may take half day long an-“

“Just perfect! So hurry up and go!”

\---

“Yin Su, I’m affraid I destroyed a lock in one room...I’ll pay you for new one and change of it.”

“Well, happens~” Yin Su was looking at He Tian with obvious smile between sips of a coffee “he went out with my brother” she said, observing him as he was looking around  
  
_With her brother? Where ?_

“Shopping.” she added, drinking her coffee to the end.

_Shopping? How long-_

“My brother said something it may take long. They probably will be back late.”

So Guan Shan escaped again. When he’ll get back, he’ll avoid He Tian for sure. And they have no time for this.

“He’s just my friend.” he flinched a little as he was pouring himself a coffee “I for him, as well.”

He glared at her, lifting up the coffee in muted ask if she wants a refill.

“Don’t understand me wrong here, He Tian, I don’t want to put my nose in your buissness” she nodded, putting her cup closer to him “I just wanted to make you at ease.”

“At ease?”

“Not todays event betrayed you. You’re tensed when anybody approach Guan Shan. Especially me.”

He sat beside her, drinking his coffee. He couldn’t stop himself from a light smile. He felt relieved that she was not a threat to him for sure.

“You’re good.”

“Thank you~”

He still envied her she could be so close to Guan Shan without tricking him, but apparently he had no choice.

“Yin Su, I hope you’ll agree to help me with something.”

“My ears are all yours ~ What do you need?”

\---

_No ,no, no, no, fucking no. Go away, get back to your hole._

Too late. The desire he threw to his inner pit and covered with a stone, has already moved the stone away and was looking with lustful eyes.

_It’s not meant for you, it’s just for play. Go back to sleep._

His own feelings showed him a middle finger.

_Oh fuck, give me some rest._

And it was so good until now to make it sleep, at last he thought so. He still needed to learn how to be around He Tian and to freeze his feeling in the same time. But for now he couldn’t manage to do it. He couldn’t let He Tian do as he pleased. No fucking way. It took all his willpower to not think about him here. And he just heard his voice and something inside him trembled, he just looked at his eyes and he felt like he did something wrong going here without telling him. He Tian had too much control over him, over his feelings. He had more controll over him than Guan Shan himself.

_Fucking bastard. Asshole. Shit._

He still felt the touches He Tian left on him. And not because his hands were cold. The places he touched were burning.

_Shit, I don’t want this! This fukcer..._

The worst was, it didn’t matter what attitude he showed to He Tian. Because deep inside, he really wanted to play along with him.

“FUCK!”

“H-have I said something wrong?”

“What? No, just...what were you asking, again?”  Right. He should focus on Yin Ming and let him threat him like a walking wikipedia.

_Go ahead, ask anything you want. Make my mind focus on something different._

The desire in him was still not sleepy at all.

 

*

 

“Ah!”

“What have you done?” Guan Shan went to the kitchen with the shopping bags, looking at Yin Su who hurriedly wrapped her hand in a towel.

“I have cut myself. Doesn’t look bad but I need some bandage.”

“That’s why you don’t work at the kitchen...why the heck you even touch the knife?...let me see it, you sure there’s no need for stitches?”

“Y-yeah! Absolutely sure!” she grabbed her hand and pressed it to the chest “Your words just hurt me back then, I wanted to practice a little, you know ~”

“I have first aid kit at the car. Little Mo, can you bring it?“

“Go for it yourself.”

“It’s cold outside, you have your jacket already on you. Don’t make lady wait here~”

“...where is it?”

“Should be under the passager seat, if not, check behind. The doors are open.”

Guan Shan was already in He Tian’s car, looking for first aid kit. He couldn’t find it under the passenger’s seat so he leaned back to check behind. The door opened and He Tian sat inside, closing the door.

“I can’t find it, where you put it?”

“It’s in the trunk.”

“So what are you doing, fuck.” Guan Shan grabbed the door handle, it didn’t opened “The fuck is going on?”

 “I’m taking you for some drive.” he started the car and drove onto the road as he was saying “don’t worry, she’s fine. I needed a little show for you to make you went inside, Jian Yi can be inspiring, you know. And I just had a feeling you’ll try to avoid me~”

_Well, you had a really good feeling, asshole. That was what I have planned._ Guan Shan took his phone as he felt buzzing in his pocket. Message from Yin Su.

_“Have fun!”_

_I will kill her..._ He stopped his thoughts, thinking about the number of threats he throw for latest days.  _Great, they’ll make me become a serial killer..._ He turned to He Tian to say to him that he didn’t give a fuck about any drive he wanted to give him, when he noticed something familiar with corner of his eye. He leaned back, lifting up He Tian’s coat from the back seat.

“Hey, why is my bag here?”

“...”

“Did you just pack my stuff?!”

“ ... “

“Stop the car, now.”

“No.”

Guan Shan grabbed the handler again, as if this time it would work.

“Open the locker, Little Mo.”

“Fuck off, let me out!”

“The locker, Little Mo.”

“Don’t tell me what to do! Stop the car!”

He Tian frowned, reaching the locker and taking out some papers from there.

“Take a look.”

Guan Shan went muted. He couldn’t belive in what he saw. The tickets. The tickets that were impossible to get a year ago when his favorite band announced they concert tour, not saying  _now_. How he- well, it’s He Tian after all. But still.

_Fuck._

He felt torn apart, between the event he dreamed of and the premonition he should escape from He Tian as far as it was possible. He knew He Tian literally bought him right now with this. But shit, it was a lifetime chance. To see them live. To  _hear_  them live!  He really didn’t want to miss it.

_Maybe I can...No harm, it’s just a concert, I can manage it._

_No, you can’t. You will cry over lost opportunity later._

_Few more days make no difference._

_They do. Do you really want to owe him?_

 

“... let me out.”

“What?”

“I said let me out.”

“You will not go?”

“No. Stop the fucking car.”

“This is your favourite band.”

“...”

“First time here.”

“...”

“Unknown when they will play here again. Or if they will at all.”

“I fucking know it! Just...let me out.”

The hand on the steering wheel was tightening much more than it was necessary.  _Angry?_

“Mo Guan Shan...Is this how much you can’t stand to be with me alone?”

Guan Shan went muted again. He Tian’s face was expressionless, eyes narrowed and focused on the road before them, but his voice was painfully unsure, extremely heavy. Like he didn’t want to hear the answer for his own question.  _It’s anger... is it?_ Guan Shan clenched his hand more on the handler.

No, he will not go, no fucking way. Few hours ago he said to himself he will not let He Tian do what he pleased. So, why the tone of his voice was bothering him so much right now?

The quiet tick of the changing light filled his ears. Guan Shan noticed He Tian was slowing down, he has used the turn signal, GPS was showing the way goes straight all the time. The crossing was getting closer. He swallowed, decided to say anything.

“...will we be able to go behind the stage?”

“How do you think?” He Tian smiled a little, gave him a quick glance, long enough for Guan Shan to make sure.  _No...not anger._ Guan Shan felt cold, for a second, one quick wave went throught him when He Tian gave him that look.  _Just great. Just...perfect._

“I’ll not pay you back for this.”

“I don’t want money from you.”

Guan Shan hide the tickets in the locker and finally took his hand away from the door handler. He Tian passed the crossing, speeding up.

_And that’s all you’re doing after telling yourself you will not._

...

He turned his head to the passenger window, still having He Tian’s hurted eyes in his mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As long as he doesn’t behave like a dick and doesn’t do stupid things to me, I can bear with it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this delay and for all mistakes.  
> And  
> Well...

_Yin Su has joined the group chat_

Jian Yi : Hello there, Yin Su!

Jian Yi : How’s your vacation going?

Yin Su : Hello, Jian Yi! So nice you’re asking! Very good, I found for myself a potential marriage partner, good Guan Shan isn’t around to destroy my plans ^u^

Zhan Zheng Xi : How he’s not around?

Yin Su : Well, hello to you, too, Zhan Zheng Xi. He Tian took him away ~

Jian Yi : Oh, really ^u^ ? Where to?

Yin Su : He said he has some surprise for Guan Shan, didn’t share it with me but I helped him.

Zhan Zheng Xi :... you helped He Tian?

Yin Su : Yes! I packed Guan Shan’s stuff when he was not around. Even played a little role, maybe I should become an actress after all.

Zhan Zheng Xi : :D

Jian Yi : XiXi, what’s wrong?

Yin Su : Why should be something wrong?

Jian Yi : He doesn’t use emoticons, it’s suspicious!

Zhan Zheng Xi : No, just...Yin Su, you just get promoted to Guan Shan’s list ‘ _People to Kill_ ’. I’m just happy I’m not the first person on it right now.

Yin Su : Why so? Ease there, he will thank me after all, you’ll see!

\---

_Yin Su, Zhan Zheng Xi, He Tian...Jian Yi, just to be sure, too suspicious he is not involved here...but He Tian at the end, just to end it with main character of this fuckin’ circus..._

“What are you thinking, Little Mo? You’re silent for a long time.”

_And who’s talking._

“Just reordering my list.”

“Your list?”

“You will find out. In your time.”

They have been driving in complete silence for some time, He Tian himself didn’t say anything until now and that wasn’t making things easier. It was just not like him.

“You know a driver chooses the music?” He Tian said when he saw Guan Shan is pairing his phone with the speakers, choosing some randomly generated playlist.

“You’re so close with looped “ _4’33_ ” ?”

“Not really.”

“Then I choose the music.”

“Just talk with me.”

“If  I’ll feel like it.”  
  
Guan Shan leaned on his seat, swallowing again awkward atmosphere and focusing on the music. Some heavier song has been played, he chuckled after a while, smiling to his imagination.

“Something’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, just a thought.”

“Come on, share it with me.”

Actually,  it’s better this way. Just to get rid of this heavy air around them.

“Just...I thought what if we would play something like this.”

“You like this?”

“Yeah, why not, but that’s not my point.”

“So?”

Guan Shan smirked again.

“Just think about it...Jian Yi would cry if we would decide we change the type of music we’re playing.”

“Why?”

“Focus, do you hear bass here?”

He Tian thought a little, then chuckled as well.

“You’re really cruel one, Little Mo.”

“I told you, just a thought.”

“But Zhan Zheng Xi would be delighted.”

“That’s for sure. Drums are great” he felt his stomach “stop somewhere, I’m hungry.”

“Soon we will be at the hotel, bear with it about thirty minutes more.”

“The hotel?”

“Yeah, the concert is tomorrow, and not that we will drive all night long.”

“What hotel?”

He Tian pointed at the GPS, Guan Shan read the name of the hotel and checked it on the phone, blinking so fast he decided to wipe his eyes after all, as blinking didn’t help. He looked at his screen once again. Nope, his eyes didn’t move a comma in the pricing table.

“You’re insane. I’m not going there” he started to furiously browsing throught the phone “go here” Guan Shan grabbed GPS and inputed a new location “Two hours from here” he put the GPS back on it’s handle, feeling He Tian eyes on him “what, if you don’t like it, you can sleep in the car. And before that, stop for some food.”

\---

“Let...go!” Guan Shan tried to push He Tian’s hands away as he leaned at his back, grabbing him from behind. They stayed at the hotel Guan Shan choosed, it was enough He Tian was paying for the concert, he didn’t want to let him pay for everything. As soon as their tossed their belongings and took their beds, He Tian although evidently tired, has recovered his spirit and started his games. And Guan Shan was trying to escape it for some time, without an effect.

“I’m tired, all time behind the wheel, and you made me drive even longer...let’s go to sleep, Little Mo.”

“So go already and leave me! Hey, the hell are you doing?!”

“I like the smell of yo- your shampoo.”

“So fucking take it and- shit, now what!” uncontrolled shivers went down his spine as he felt his breath on nape

“Your shower gel, too~”

_Ok, I have enough._

Guan Shan turned around to face him, smirk on He Tian’s face made his anger awake, still he managed to calm himself, he finally moved He Tian away with his arm, as the other was apparently surprised he decided to face him.

“Listen” Guan Shan started as he saw He Tian want to say something “can you stop being so clingy to me?”

“Why so, Little Mo? I’m just very toche person.”

“So find yourself a girl and stop playing with me.” this sentence gave He Tian a light shiver, light but very unpleasant to the point the second part of what Guan Shan said didn’t reach him.

“You really want me to?”

“...just, step back, would you?”

“Answer me.”

“Do as you want, why should I care...get your hands away from me for fuck’s sake!”

“You said ‘ _do as you want_ ’.”

“As long as it not concerns me!”

“Hm, so we have a problem here” He Tian forced a smile, messing Guan Shan’s hairs, still he made one step behind, grabbing his coat “long time without this” he took his cigarettes out “ you can use the bathroom first~ And better go to sleep after that, Little Mo, we need to get up early if we want to make it on time.”

\---

Street lamps were throwing cold light to the lying snow, creating this feeling it was colder than in reality, making He Tian felt more cold inside than he already was. Exhale. The smoke in front of him formed into a small gray cloud alternating with his breath.

_‘So find yourself a girl’_

He Tian reached for the next cigarette, counting the cigarette butts that had already been thrown into the ashtray. Fifth one. So he is here quite some time.

_‘...just, step back, would you?’_

He leaned his back to the wall of the hotel building, inhaling once again. As for the person who could hide his feelings, this few sentences made him lose his calm. Maybe not only the sentences. This expression, as well.

It wasn’t typical Guan Shan. He was really serious this time, with eyes seriously fixed on him, not throwing curses, not hiding blushes, uncomfortables or embarrassment.

Was it rejection? Or was he moving too fast? Or it really wasn’t like he thought it was.  
Impossible. Guan Shan has his eyes on him. The end of story.  
Maybe not, maybe it was just meaningless moment. Back then, at their first concert.  
So, rejection after all?  
No way. It wasn’t only then. It wasn’t only his looks. Ease.  
So, too fast. Just too fast.  
Really?  
Step back, how much? He meant his touches? To not to hug him? Or at general? So how much he can get close to him? Can he?

_Fuck._  Since they car ride his confidence started to escape out of him like air from a punctured mattress, he wanted to make himself at ease and for now he felt more conflicted than before.

The backdoor opened.

Quick look at Guan Shan face, from angry, to relieved, to angry once again.

_The fuck, Little Mo, you’re full of contradictions._

Guan Shan hesitated, placing a hand on his nape, finally he leaned next to him, taking out his cigarettes.

“Did you miss me already?~”

“In your dreams.” he mumbled, checking his pockets, ending it with a curse under his breath.

_As if you could know._

“Lend a lighter.”

“Hm, you have a trouble this time?”

“Will you or should I go back inside?”

He Tian thought for a moment and instead of giving Guan Shan a lighter, he leaned towards him, hoping Guan Shan will not escape. The other frowned but didn’t move away.

“I have already told you I prefer this way” He Tian said when Guan Shan was opening his mouth “better to hurry, not much of cigarette’s left.”

He saw Guan Shan moved a little but stopped suddenly from leaning towards him closer. Instead, Guan Shan took the cigarette out of He Tian’s mouth and lit his own, when he finished, he move hand with He Tian’s cigarette in his direction. The other just parted his lips, waiting for Guan Shan to put the cigarette back.

“You took it out, put it on place, Little Mo.”

“You sure you want this? I can put it too much and you’ll end with a burn, bastard.” Guan Shan said but still he was careful not to burn He Tian with heat.

“You’re aggressive one?” he took the last smoke it was left and throw the cigarette butt into the ashtray “I wouldn’t tell that, you were really gentle now.”

“Wh- YOU FUCKING PERVERT!”

“Don’t yell, save this energy for the concert.” He Tian chuckled, throwing his arm on him, he felt relief Guan Shan didn’t push him away.

“...how much time we have before the next support concert?”

“About two weeks, I think.”

“We can manage to rearange a few songs.”

“I thought you will not help me with it” he smiled at Guan Shan frowned expression “we can’t change too many, remember we have only two rehearsals at week, you agreed to this after all.”

“That was for Jian Yi’s sake.”

“Really? You care about his grades?”

“The one who cares is Zheng Xi, so better tell him to keep an eye on this lazy bastard!”

“I already wrote to Jian Yi to check how’s his progress”

“And?”

 “Jian Yi’s crying, that’s all I have learned. Zheng Xi is watching over him all day long to make sure he’s focusing on his studies.”

Guan Shan thought a moment and smirked maliciously.

“You took your laptop with you, right? Lend me it for a while.” he throw his cigarette into the ashtray, moving to the door.

“What for?”

“To prevent me from killing. And show me how to generate drums in your program.”

\---

“Jian Yi, how long it takes to make a tea? The water boiled some time ago.”

“...I’m coming, give me a minute.”

Zheng Xi stretched as he yawned, checking time. Maybe one hour longer to make sure Jian Yi will finish his work and he will leave him alone. Good he came to him after all, Jian Yi didn’t expect him here and Zheng Xi just caught him on creating new songs instead of improving his grades. Zheng Xi was checking his tabs as Jian Yi with sulking face was sitting on his work. The tabs looked very promising, he even started to note his ideas of drums, but still, Jian Yi should focus on his studies. He heard sound of an incoming message from the kitchen as well as from his phone.

 

Mo Guan Shan :  [  _sent a file_  ]

Mo Guan Shan : Zheng Xi, drums need a correction. A new song.

 

Zheng Xi looked at the drum parts, frowning. Yep, drums definitely need a correction, too much of double kick pedal. What’s with that, it has sense but in the same time, it’s not what their usually play. He swithced view to tabs Guan Shan sent, focused for a moment and stood up suddenly, making quick calculation if he will be able to escape. He flinched as he heard loud “WHAT THE HELL?!” from the kitchen  _Oh my Lord, why..._. Nope, no chance for that. _Cleaver Guan Shan, cleaver...you really knew what you’ve done here..._

“XiXi! Have you seen it?! They can’t, right?! They can’t do this to me!”

“Jian Yi, ease, they’re just messing-“ Jian Yi with impetus bumped on him, hitting unconsciously Zheng Xi in the face with the phone

“First what, reduce the rehearsals and now THIS?” he looked at the phone again, swamping throught the notes with more and more opened eyes as Zheng Xi was rubbing his sore nose ”With this tabs, it’s not possible to hear bass, you get it? To heavy! And, what with this bass line? Wh -  with this-! And what else, maybe they changed the tunning of their...THEY FUCKING CHANGED! With this, I can also just stay still and not to bother to plug bass at all! Oh nonononono NO, I disagree, you get it? I’m not alowing to this!”

“Why I am the one who need to hear th-“

“You know what? You know what?! I’ll make something right now, and you have to support me here, you get it?”

“I think I need to g-“

“You’re not going anywhere! Not now! No way in hell we will play this! We will make something amazing, both for us, just wait! Fuck, where’s this laptop?!” Jian Yi started to pick up his belongings from the floor in hurry, making even bigger mess than it already was.  Zheng Xi with all his self tried to enjoy this last seconds of peace that were left for him, before Jian Yi will understand there’s no chance of finding his laptop.

 

Zhan Zheng Xi : ...thanks a lot.

Mo Guan Shan :  Pleasure here.

*

“Fuck! I told you we’ll be late!” Guan Shan screamed to him, as the roar of people around them made it impossible to talk normally.

“Just for you to remember, it was you who overslept here.”

“Because you didn’t wake me up!”

“I tried, but you have really strong sleep. Other methods that I would like to use, would probably be not in your likning. Last time you didn’t like my way of waking you up ~”

“You’re seriously annoy me!”

“Ease, Little Mo,  we lost just opening band, we’re not late for main ones, the staff finish preparing additional equipment right now.”

“Doesn’t matter! Look at this crowd!”

It really was crowdy, too crowdy to make a path to the stage, closer they were trying to get, people were more and more squeezed next to each other. The lights from the stage were slowly moving through the dark, from time to time making them blind as apparently a lighting technician didn’t care what was happening with the lights between the shows. The hall was big, had two additional upper levels with railings, climatizated but still it was hot, although the climatization gave everything what it got. And they even didn’t manage to move too far away from the main entrance.

“We should be upstairs, I have there a spot for us-” the lights dimmed, blinked quickly, firing their power one by one, even more loud noise of the crowd made He Tian look at Guan Shan who didn’t listen to him at all, his eyes fixed on the stage, where one after another the band members were approaching their places, with every new person on the stage, making people scream and whistle louder and louder. Guan Shan as well joined the people around him, his face was appearing and disappearing in constantly changing lights coming from the stage, still He Tian was able to caught a smile on Guan Shan’s face he haven’t seen in a long time, if ever. 

“Ready for a ride?!” the sentence came from the stage, making people roar their answer “really?! What so weak guys, come on, again!” roar again echoed through the hall “hey, seriously, that’s all what you got?!” the vocalist smiled finally as the people were literaly spitting out their vocal cords “wow, this was something! So, as you give all you got to welcome us here” - some rhythm chords have been played, Guan Shan smiled more with lips forming in his “Fuck!” - “how about this one? Wooow, so you have more in your lungs! Give it all!” drums played, bass entered, second guitar joined,  the vocalist started to sing. And not only him. The people like one being, were repeating words along with the leader, but He Tian stopped to care about it as soon as he realized Guan Shan is singing next to him, jumping and moving his hands above the crowd as the rest around them. Oh Lord, he really would like to hear him, even when he was standing next to him all he heard was merged, deep sound of all voices around. He tried to caught Guan Shan voice in this, he gave himself few songs of time to focus, but no result of this. What a shame.

“Come, I have a better spot for us!”

“Where?”

He Tian pointed at the upstairs level, left side from the stage direction.

“Not possible to get there! Not throught this crowd, and I don’t want to lose anything from this.”

“We need to get out from here, and go around the hall to the back. We choose wrong entrance at the beginning”

“No way, too much to loose, it will take too much time to move back!”

“Come on, I just want you to have some fun.”

Guan Shan finally looked at him, wondering about something for a while, then he caught a guy next to him and screamed  something to his ear, pointing at He Tian. The guy looked at He Tian, nooding his head with lips forming in ‘no problem, dude’ and he caught his friend by arm, passing him a message. Guan Shan smirked at him, screamed “The dancing area!” to his ear, grabbed He Tian’s hands and placed them on his own shoulders. He bowed down, placed his hand under He Tian’s knee, caught his foot and lifted him up. The other guy with his friend were supporting He Tian’s back and helped to lift him up at the beginning, making sure the people before them were aware of what was about to happen. They realized it quickly, as He Tian was almost immediately passed and supported by hands of the crowd under him, moving away with each moment. For a while he couldn’t find Guan Shan among the people that were also crowdsurfing, finally he located him only to learn he was moving in a completely other direction. He looked ahead, the people before him were jumping, waving their hands to the rythm, they were stoping just for pass him to the others. When He Tian saw he was dangerously close to the place where people weren't jumping in rhythm, but chaotically moving among themself, he decide to end his journey and try to find Guan Shan. Three songs later the unpleasant thought that Guan Shan get rid off him was running on his head, until he felt a strong grib on his arm.

“Where are you going, I told you to go in that way!” Guan Shan screamed to his ear, a little out of breath but with a light smile “you said you have better spots than that?”

“I thought you escaped me.”

“What? Speak to my ear, I don’t hear you!”

He Tian shaked his head.

“We need to avoid the slamdancing here if we want to try to surf to the stage once again, they will not carry us this way.”

“Avoid? What for?”

“You want to go there?”

“The quickest way is through this area! What?” he looked at him and smirked “you scared?”

He Tian smirked as well, grabbing Guan Shan’s t-shirt and pushed him to the area where people were creating one big chaotic mass.

As soon as they mixed with running, jumping and bumping on each other people they were separated, but still in each other sight, He Tian grabbed Guan Shan’s arm with scream “To not to lose you here!”, at what Guan Shan nodded, grabbing him after they still were separated again. He Tian felt Guan Shan’s hand squeezed more on his arm every time the people around them bumped on them and that was practically constant, they both were bumping into each other quite a lot, pushed by people around, He Tian saw a gap in the dancing crowd around them, he saw it not once, but he didn’t hurry, if he could be this close to Guan Shan without him yelling at him because of that, he could endure a few bruises more.

*

The pub they went after the concert was near the next hotel they stopped. The place was mostly occupied by people from the concert, uproar was howl down just by the stage performance of some competition for the best cover. Guan Shan finally reached the table where he left He Tian,  he sat down, rubbing his throat. It was some time he used his vocal cords so much. He didn’t care, he knew there was no way He Tian could hear him, and he needed it, he just didn’t know he needed it so much.

“Wow”

“What?”

“You brought me a beer, I’m touched here.”

“Scram, be gratefull in silence.”

“And here is back, my cold Little Mo.”

“Call me yours one more time and I will punch you.” Guan Shan rubbed his ribs, feeling he certainly will have bruises.

“Reaching the guardrails starting from the end of this ocean of people to the stage was something amazing.”

“Can’t denied it, but you didn’t have to be so glued to me! Shit, I have this fucking guardrail imprinted on my body for sure.”

“I needed to catch it myself to not to be moved away with the crowd, Little Mo. Not my fault I’m taller and you were before me. But I could protect you from behind~ ”

“Scram! I don’t need your protection!”

“Have you seen this guy’s face when you bit him out from his place? He looked like he would like to introduce you to this guardrail even closer.” He Tian chucked

“He could try, I would do the same for him.”

“I told you we could go upstairs.”

“We had the best possible place there, just under the stage! And after I reached this goddamn guardrail, I had no intent of letting it go!”

“Oh I know that, you were just like a flag on the strong wind in a few moments” He Tian laugh, Guan Shan smiled under his breath with “Scram, bastard” and looked at the stage, knocking his finger on the counter, nodding his head to the rhythm. He Tian looked at the stage as well, observing for a while the vocalist.

“Maybe we should take part in this?”

“What?”

“Competition here.”

“What for?” Guan Shan took a sip, not taking his eyes off of the stage.

“For fun” He Tian shrugged “it will be ease to win here” on Guan Shan glare he added “they aren’t so good here, we can show them how to play.”

“You are full of yourself, as always” Guan Shan scoffed, shaking his head, taking next sip.

“Not without a reason. Come on, the previous guys were just ridiculously tragic.”

“They obviously lost some bet, as their friends near the stage had time of their lives, I’m surpsired it didn’t end with an ambulance, one of them had some serious problems with breathing from laugh.”

“Let’s try it out here, you could sing some song from today’s concert like back then, I know the lyrics too, it could be fun.”

“...have you heard?”

“What?”

“Me, singing.”

“Unfotunally, not. It was too loud.”

“Good for you” Guan Shan release his breath inside himself with relief.

“Would you let me see more of you?”

“Huh?”

“Or more precisely, hear you. Come on.”

“I’m not going to be your personal source of laugh, and this time, it would be more probable to end with an ambulance to save your ass.”

“Now I’m curious! Ok, ok, I get it“  he stopped at Guan Shan frown “So don’t sing, if you don’t want to. Let’s show this guys who’s the best here.”

“You sure about that?” Guan Shan pointed with his bottle at the stage,  when someone has started his second cover as the people encourage him to do so “ this guy is great.”

“What?”

“Just listen and look.”

Silence for a while, He Tian waited one verse.

“What is so good about him?”

“Everything.”

He Tian nodded, lit a cigarette and took one smoke. Second. Third.

“But what exactlly?”

“Is it so hard for you to get others don’t have to have the same opinion as you?”

“Not my point here. Would you explain it to me?”

“WHAT, for fuck’s sake.”

“What do you like in him.”

Guan Shan released his breath loud this time, put down his beer on the table as he move himself to face He Tian directly.

“I like tone of his voice, I like the way he plays with this cover, how he manipulates with sound and notes and still stays in the climat, how he’s making me know what he’s covering there but in the same time he’s making me to live this song once again and learn it with fresh point of view, I like how he connects with the people even when he’s playing so short for them. Is is enough for you or should I say more?”

He Tian took a sip, licked his lips as he put his beer on the table, wiping condensing water from the bottle with his thumb.

“Do you like tone of my voice?”

“..w-what?”

“I asked if you like my voice.”

“It’s...good.”

“Just good?”

“The heck do you want here, seriously!”

“To know if it is in your likning.”

_If it is in my likning? I fuckin’ lo-_

 “We play in the same band, so if it was irritating for me as much as you sometimes can be, I would not hesitate to leave the band after first verse you sang” he stopped his own thoughts, moving away “...stop looking at me like that, it creeps me out!”

“Be right back, wait here.” He Tian stood with a smile, leaving him alone at the moment his phone buzz.

Zheng Xi sent him a short video, at which Zheng Xi’s face was visible only from top of his head to his extremely tired-looking eyes, on the second plan was Jian Yi, sitting on the floor, furiously destroying part of some papers lying down around him, throwing a new created ball of squezzed papers behind himself as he started to write something down, mumbling unclearly under his breath.

Zhan Zheng Xi : Enjoying this?

Guan Shan chucked.

Mo Guan Shan : I have never imagined it would be so amusing.

Zhan Zheng Xi : Thanks. My punishment?

Mo Guan Shan :  Kinda.

Zhan Zheng Xi : Is it that bad?

Guan Shan started to type ‘It is-‘ but he stopped.

It was?

Looking at his physically state, he was quite battered and hell tired right now. But he had fun, he couldn’t say he didn’t, he managed to be there, to hear his group live, to meet them personaly after the show, this was something that will stay with him. Leaving few awkward situations with He Tian behind, he had fun with him as well. They could exchange their opinions in music, or just have some meaningless conversations about nothing in particular, enjoying the concert after all.  
Full of energy sound filled his ears, making uncontrolled goosebumps run over his body.

_I know this guitar._

He rised his head and looked at the stage just to meet with He Tian’s eyes. The other was playing cover of Guan Shan favourite song.  _Asshole_  Guan Shan thought, but still his lips formed in a light smile as he couldn’t stop himself from moving his leg under the table to the rhythm. Not long after that his lips were moving, he heard his voice quietly merged along with He Tian’s, he clenched his fist holding himself from singing out too loud. Fuck. He really would like to join him there.

Yeah, it was not bad after all. Just a little hard to be around this bastard. He hid his phone crossing his arms, wondering how many covers people under the stage will made He Tian to sing.

\---

“I told you I’ll win.” He Tian sat at the table, a little out of breath, moving his hand through hairs and making them stay behind.

“Yeah, yeah, congratulations.”

“Did you like it?”

“Not bad.”

“Just that? Didn’t you sing along with me?”

“You had some delusions.”

“Compliment me a little, I was doing my best.”

_Hell I know that._

“Since when you actually ask for a complimet, huh? Not satisfied with the ones you already got form the people around the stage?”

“Little Mo, you can do better than  _‘not bad’_  .”

“You were so amazing I felt each single shiver that went throught my body, tone of your voice made me recall some really nice memories, the way you played guitar still left on me some goosebumps and this how you moved on the stage while playing and singing and how you interacted with the people was making it hard to take eyes away from you.” words got out of his mouth before he could think them through.

 “Your true feelings here?” He Tian was looking quite shocked and unsure.

“Sarcasm is a foreign language for you?” he scoffed, hoping he escaped it,  finishing his beer in a hurry.

“You should be more honest with yourself, Little Mo.”

 “Honest enough?” he show him a finger, restoring his cool “scram already, that was for the previous guy, you were just too pushy here” he waved him off “ I told you it was good, so stop it already.“

 “If you say so.” He Tian responded, not taking his eyes off of him.

Guan Shan looked at his empty bottle, thinking the more alcohol he will take, the more honest he will be. And he would like to avoid this.

“...too many people here, I have enough of crowdy places for today” he said as the person number-he-lost-count-two-hours-ago bumped on his chair, saying his sorry “I’m heading back to the hotel.”

“So let’s have some fun there.”

“...huh?”

“Movie? Hotel bar?”

Everything too risky.

“Just sleep.”

“Wow, I didn’t know it will go so easy. I don’t mind, I will gladly sleep with you.”

“He fucking Tian!”

*

“Have somebody ever told you you’re cruel?” Zheng Xi wiped his eyes and sat behind the drums with sigh.

“I don’t recall something like that.” Guan Shan focused on his strings, wondering if his guitar already needs change of them.

“You know how Jian Yi can be stubborn, right?”

“Oh hell I know” he smirked, rising his head “so how was your last week?“

“Torment and suffering...and great, I don’t like this smile of yours! What, something more to throw at me?”

 “Just a small present, you should be gratefull“ he passed him a bag, Zheng Xi took a look inside, and slowly took out drumsticks from it. He looked at Guan Shan suspiciously “take a good look on them.”

“ ‘ _For Zhan Zheng Xi, who’s suffering_   _right now_.’ wha-... “ he stopped as he read the autograph, looked at Guan Shan automatically “You was on their concert. All this time. On the concert.“

“Don’t look at me like that, I brought you a souvenir after all.”

“...”

“Wow!” He Tian doddged a flying drumstic as he entered the room “You know what, Zhan Zheng Xi, as for a really good drummer you lose control over your drumstick quite often.”

 “This one should stuck at Guan Shan’s head, I need more practice.”

“Little Mo, did you – thanks” He Tian caught a pack of cigaretts that Guan Shan throw at him “ be right back, really need it right now.”

“...you bought him cigarettes?” Zheng Xi asked, picking up his drumstick, and with extreme care putting the ones from Guan Shan in his backpack.

“Is it a crime or what? He asked for it as he has some shit at work that draw him mad, I had a shop on my way here.”

“Hm.”

“I’ve passed!” Jian Yi run into room making Zheng Xi to grab his backpack and put it above his head in hurry “I’ve passed this subject, XiXi! Can we go back to previous schedule of meetings?...what are you doing, some yoga position?”

“I’m saving the treasure before your shoes. Don’t ask. And don’t be so cocky, you have two more to correct.” Jian Yi looked like he has been drained out of any lively color.

“You’re more like a parent than a friend, Zheng Xi.“

“So you should be gratefull you don’t study” Jian Yi looked through his arm, when Zheng Xi was putting the backpack safetly behind his drums, Jian Yi added with theatrical whisper “ he’s a fuckin’ demon if it goes about learning.”

“Have you said something?”

“Nothing at all! Just looking for my cable!” Jian Yi straightened, and began to really look for it.

“Ok, before we start” He Tian entered the room again, taking off his coat in hurry and plugging his guitar  “Little Mo, about what we spoke previously, maybe something like this?” Guan Shan listened a while, observing He Tian’s fret.

“Finally, something worth of any attention. Have you tabs for it?”

“Yeah, give me a second.”

“Have I heard correctly?” Jian Yi muttered to Zheng Xi “ Redhead really complimented He Tian here?”

“Yep, I heard it, too.”

“What are you both smiling at? ”

“Nothing, nothing! Have you maybe some bass changes for me to this fragment- WAIT! We need to talk about this shit you guys sent!”

*

“Hey, you have changed some of your songs, right?” Yu Fang approached them with wide smile as they were changing at the back.

“We have. Only two songs for now, we didn’t have too much time for that” He Tian answered with a smile “We couldn’t let Mo Guan Shan stay  just with rhythm. Did you like it?”

“You need to ask? It was something fresh in it! And Mo Guan Shan as well, your play tonight was so energetic! Almost like in your battle!”

“No clue what are you talking about.”

“Apparently you were energized by concert you were at, right Guan Shan? You know, back then when I was trying to survive Jian Yi’s mood.”

“Drop it already! You know why you get it!”

“Oh, Yu Fang! Have you maybe –“

“Yes, I remembered it, Jian Yi, you have your reservation on the table back in the corner, you will see the stage and could talk in the same time.”

“Cool! I would like to here next guys, their basist is great!”

“Go there ahead, we will get some drinks” Zheng Xi said, taking Guan Shan with him. He lost him in the middle of the way to the bar, he looked around, Guan Shan was speaking with some guy, the other pass him a piece of paper, after that they shake hands and Guan Shan finally joined him.

 “Where is Yin Su?” he asked as they reached the counter and were waiting for a bartender.

“I told her the concert is tomorrow.”

“What? Why? She’ll get angry.”

“Her punishment, for helping this bastard.”

“Why so, it looks like you’re getting along? You and He Tian.”

 “I wanted to kill him only three times this week, so you can say about some progress here.”

“I’m not talking about this.” Guan Shan faced him, then looked through an arm on their table.

“So there you have your answer.”

Zheng Xi went after Guan Shan eyes, He Tian was already surrounded by girls, some of them where cuddling to him, some where saying their hello by huge hugs, apparently old acquaintance of his.

“Don’t you think he gets along with them this way? That this is the way he treats them?”

“I get it, but you don’t” he showed four fingers and pointed at beer mark when the bartender looked at them “it’s the same if it goes about me.”

“What?”

“The way he treats me. It’s just the way he is, nothing more behind it. Hey, wait, should be one more, I’ve showed you four – shit” he cursed as the  bartender took care of the next guy “ he brought one less, take those to the table, I’ll wait” he passed Zheng Xi bottles “I have told you alredy to not look at me like that. I’m fine. As long as he doesn’t behave like a dick and doesn’t do stupid things to me, I can bear with it. It will go away. Eventually.”

A girl next to him smiled at him, playing with her hairs.

“I still think you should talk.”

“And I think you should take care of Jian Yi.” Zheng Xi gulped on Guan Shan smirk “scram already.”

Guan Shan followed Zheng Xi with his eyes, stopping again at He Tian with the girls surrounding him from each side. He couldn’t stop himself from a frown, he turn back to the bartender, trying to catch him again.

They lately spent a lot of time together, he and He Tian, and being around him all that time made Guan Shan get along with his feelings to the point they didn’t bother him all the time, they didn’t pop up suddenly.They just were there, calm and silent, observing, knowing this all they can do. He Tian stopped as he asked with his closeness to him, arm on his shoulder or hand on his hairs was everything He Tian did, he even left his neck alone. Still,  _It will go away. Eventualyl_ was the biggest lie this evening, it will not if he will not help himself with this. He needed to move on if he intended to be in contact with He Tian and he will as they are in the band together. So again, how he managed to do it back then? Drinking and fights were out of question. He felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked at his right at the girl that has been staring at him from quite some time.

“Will you buy me a drink already or will you keep ignoring me?”

He didn’t think long.

“What’s your order, then?”

The girl smiled.

\---

“Ok, sorry ladies but we need to ask you for some privacy” Jian Yi said, making a place for Zheng Xi and causing an unhappy murmur from the girls.

“Where is Little Mo? Didn’t you go together?”

“He stayed, the bartender didn’t get his order properly, should be here soon.”

“Is that so-“ He Tian looked at the bar and felt as if someone has thrown a lump of ice into his stomach.

“I’ll borrow this guy” – he said not even bother to force a smile, not even knowing how he managed to get to the bar, clenching his hand on Guan Shan’s wrist and pulling him behind, leaving surprised girl alone. He moved to the corridor next to the bar, not releasing Guan Shan's wrist, hearing the other guy’s yells “The fuck, He Tian?! Let go!” They reached a social room, He Tian with glare growled “Get out” to two guys that were on their break right now, they just left in a hurry without a word. 

“Let the fuck go, it hurts!” Guan Shan finally jerked his hand from He Tian’s grip. He began to massage his wrist without taking his eyes off of other guy. “What the heck was that?”

“You tell me. What were you doing?”

Guan Shan opened his eyes wider with disbelief, he scoffed.

“What, was she yours to take?”

“What?”

“The ones you have there don’t match your taste?”

He Tian didn’t answer, he just attacked. He crushed Guan Shan with the weight of his body as much as possible, pushing him against the wall behind, catching his face in his hands. Before Guan Shan spoke again, He Tian put his tongue in his mouth forcefully, taking all Guan Shan’s breath away. Guan Shan started to struggling, trying to push him away, catching his hands, He Tian didn’t let him strengthen the grip on his wrist, he grabbed Guan Shan’s hands with his one instead, pushing them to Guan Shan’s chest.

When He Tian released their lips, Guan Shan caught air loudly as the other said with hoarse voice “you’re mine to take”, before he went for his neck, he grabbed Guan Shan’s hair and pull them behind, to get better access, biting it a little too hard than necessary, he felt Guan Shan shiver, he heard he yelled at him, but he couldn’t recognize the words. He wanted to mark him, with his scent, with his taste, with all of him, that no one will approach him ever again. Sudden Guan Shan broke from his grip and He Tian felt pain on his jaw. He didn’t saw a  punch that went to him.

He moved his palm to the face, wiped the blood from the cut lip. He looked at the guy before him, with his head down, with his shaking body, with his fists clenched tight at both of his sides.

_Fuck._

“I fucking asked you to stop doing this shit to me...” Guan Shan said quietly, more to himself than to He Tian  “yet, again, you...”

He grabbed abruptly He Tian’s shirt and hit him on the wall with all his strength.

“Stop fuckin’ playing with me.” Guan Shan said through clenched teeth “I’m not your fuckin’ toy. Do that again and I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“Hey! If you want to fight, do that outside!” the door opened, some people went inside.

“No need.” Guan Shan let go of He Tian, looking at him furiously, clenching his fists, evidently refraining from hitting him again  “We are done.”

*

He Tian dragged, standing at window throught he was staring at night city. His reflection disapeared for a moment, covered by smoke from his mouth. The apartment was lighted only by one small lamp who was giving dimmed immitation of light, leaving the rest of empty space of his place in complete dark. Inhale, he dragged again, the heat of a cigarette reflected on the window along with his frowned eyes, exhale made him disappear in gray smoke once again.

Her breast tight at his arm, her hand on his thigh, her lips so close to his ear. And Guan Shan, who didn’t step back from it. Guan Shan, who leaned back to her, whispered to her ear his response. Guan Shan, who with smirk on his face was looking at  the girl.

_It was an impuls. He is mine -_

_Not yours._

He screw up. He screw up so fucking much.

_Shit._

He didn’t know what he was expecting, to be honest. But not this kind of reaction, for sure. Maybe some confused, speechless Guan Shan. But not so furious and angry, not with rage coming through all his body to the point he couldn't stop shaking.

He was supposed to fucking wait. Nothing happend, he overreacted, willingness to monopolize him just woke up and took control. He looked at his phone, abandoning his thought in the same time it appeared. It’s not the case to go through the phone.

But still, he didn’t get it. Why Guan Shan didn’t move away from her.

He hoped that...he was sure it’s like-

Was he?

Guan Shan wanted him to step back after all.

He was feeling unease.

He sat at the sofa reaching a coup of instant noodles when the phone rang. He stare for a moment on a contact name, thinking if he even want to hear anything from He Cheng right now. Whatever, today can’t be worse.

He waited, until other man spoke first this time. He didn’t like the words he heard.

“...we had the deal.”

“They want you at the place.”

 “I was supposed to work remotely. That was the deal.” he repeated, clenching his hand at the edge of a glass table.

“Nothing keeps you at this place.”

“Not for you to decide this.”

“It’s not something you can refuse so easly.”

Silence. He Tian didn’t say a word more.

“I suggest you to start closing your cases. I’ll keep you updated.”

He Cheng hung up, leaving He Tian with dull sound of ended call.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with this state for a while.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I will regret this for sure._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for grammar, all mistakes and typos.  
> And  
> Enjoy?

_He can’t move. Something heavy lies on him. He can’t see. Blindfolded? And it’s hot. Too hot._

_A drop of sweat is slowly flowing down on his neck. It tickles, he can’t wipe it away, hands have been trapped in a strong grip above his head._

_A feeling of warm breath on him,  he struggles, making the grip strengthen on his wrist, a slow move of a hot tongue takes the drop away._

_A hand, from the line of his collarbone, is little by little moving up, long fingers checking every part of his skin they are able to reach, just to get tangled in his hair slowly._

_Lips are travelling on his neck, leisurely, taking their time, piece by piece teeth are catching his skin softly, the tongue is checking it’s taste._

_Sudden bite. Strong one. Uncontrolled shivers went through his body, a gasp escaped his throat when fingers tangled in his hair tighten the grip on them and lips sucked his skin hungrily._

_He struggles again, hands still above his head, his wrist hurts along with the bruise on his neck. Lips moved, gently again,leaving a trail of soft kisses, like they were apologizing.They start to check the line of his jaw, slowly making their way to his lips._

_He feels other’s breath on them, it’s not warm anymore, it’s hot, so hot it burns, a nibble on his bottom lip, a quiet murmur  echoed on his skin shortly, before the tongue slides into his mouth._

_He feels every move of it. How it dances, teases him, how it gets bolder for a moment and again slows down, taking any of his resistance away._

_He feels every soft and quite catch of breath when lips part a tiny bit for a second, when teeth catch his lip again._

_And he feels the lips of the other are evidently holding back, waiting for his answer._

_He responds lazily, letting himself drown in this feeling._   _On his move, the other invaded him more eagerly, the weight on his body becomes stronger, lips greedily absorb quiet murmurs. The kiss becames deeper._

_More._

 

Guan Shan sat up so suddenly he got dizzy.

_Fuckin’ great._

He fell back onto the sofa. Dark  outside, alarm clock still didn’t ring. He narrowed his eyes, the light from the switched on TV has been flickering constantly with glitched, big, fat, red captioned “GAME OVER”. He scoffed. So accurate.

He has fall asleep in his living room trying to make his mind busy and vent his anger with games. Partly he could say it worked. He didn’t remember when he fall asleep, dragged in the game completely, forgetting the world around. Although his mind didn’t let him enjoy this state for too long. It felt so real. The dream was extremely vivid.

He cursed, feeling his arms were numb and his back hurted. He had to sleep in some twisted position, he was not surprised it felt so realistic, being unable to do anything with his hands in the dream.

_Not just in your dream you were unable to do anything._

He winced, trying to move his powerless arms to make the blood reach his fingers again. He took a look at the phone, still an hour before his alarm would ring.

_Shower_.

He wasn’t sure who he was more angry with. With He Tian, for destroying every intercately made cover of his feelings. Or with himself, because of his true desires. All he knew for sure was his dream was pushing him mercilessly slow. At some point he wanted his hands free. To pull the other closer if it even was possible. He threw his clothes furiously at the floor. The mix of anger and lust inside him was unbearable.

He stood in the shower, the water was pouring on him with a warm stream, the bathroom quickly went steammy. He reached for a gel and froze with his hand outstreched when his eyes stopped on the wrist, where the imprint of He Tian's grip was visible, as if Guan Shan has just released himself from it. Guan Shan was aware He Tian is stronger than him, but he didn’t know he is so strong.

Feeling of lust gave way to anger that filled him completely. He hit the wet tiles with his fist with muted “fuck” on his lips, causing nothing more than an additional source of being pissed off. He grabbed the gel, trying not to look at his hand, trying not to recall the dominant He Tian, not to recall himself being pushed to the wall, not to recall his breath on his lips-

Guan Shan stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around the waist carelessly. He rubbed the surface of the mirror, not letting the next wave of anger change his mood more as he looked at his reflection.

He reached to a drawer, took out a patch and stick it on He Tian’s mark on his neck. Looking at its dark color it was clear enough for him he will have to bear with it for a while. He didn’t want to look at it. He didn’t want to see He Tian as well. He was tired of this. Tired of dealing with a mess He Tian was doing with his mind.

He picked up his clothes from the floor, emptied the pockets, he found in it a card with a phone number. He crushed it with the intention of throwing it in the trashbin, but he hesitated. It may be useful to him. Althought he knew deep inside him, he really didn’t want to use it.

 

*

 

He Tian really had the intention to wait. He really had. Even though the need to fix what he has so majestically fucked up has been consuming him from the inside. He really had intention to listen to this part of him that has been constantly repeating it is not a good idea to approach Guan Shan for some time. So he endured all whole day. Congratulations, feat of the year.

Maybe he could endure more. Maybe he could ignore the unpleasant and odious feeling that has been crawling inside of him since yesterday’s night. But still, he has been sitting in the restaurant for an hour, reading the chat over and over again.

 

Jian Yi  : Can we meet tomorrow about half an hour later?

Mo Guan Shan : Do as you want, will be not there. Until the main concert.

Jian Yi:  You ungratefull bastard, I am literally busting my butt here and you’re telling you’ll not show your ass?! And we have to practice, how do you think it’ll work, we were going to modify other songs!

Zhan Zheng Xi : We’ll have a rehearsal at the pub so ease Jian Yi. And we don’t have to modify everything, leave something for later.

Zhan Zheng Xi :  But you know, Guan Shan, we can always change the dates if they don’t work for you.

Mo Guan Shan : I’m going to quit after the main. Star looking for rythm guitar.

Jian Yi : WTF, hey! Why?

Mo Guan Shan : Tired.

Jian Yi:  I’ve asked about the fuckin reason, not your current state! It has to have something with this disappearing of yours yesterday!

Mo Guan Shan : Mind your own business.

Jian Yi:  You’ve fought, right? I fuckin’ knew it, it was so obvious!

_Mo Guan Shan has left the group chat._

Jian Yi: For fuck’s sake, @hetian! You’ll not comment this?!

 

All his tries to contact Guan Shan stayed in the ether. So he came here, waiting for any response from him. He was going to stay here until he recives one. He will not let his behaviour from last night seriously fuck up everything he was working on since he came back.

“He Tian” Yin Su came to him unsure “you know what, maybe tell me what you want to order normally?”

“Why.” he already knew what she was going to tell him.

“Guan Shan throws out every order you've written" she said apologetically "he doesn’t even read them, he just ... throws away every folded card, but I will make him prepare a dinner for you, he lied to me about the concert!”

Somehow He Tian felt irritated. He shouldn’t, he knew why Guan Shan is doing it. But he felt. Even ‘ _fuck off_ ’ or ‘ _scram asshole_ ’ as an answer would be better than ignoring him.

“As you are so motivated to pay him back for this lie, I assume you don’t mind?” he stood up, passed her by and went straight to the backdoor, not waiting for her answer.

“Wha- wait, I actually  _really_  mind, He Tian, you can’t go inside-“

He entered the back and went across to the kitchen. Those who were close to the door looked at him with pure surprise, the others throw at him the same look through arms and went back to their tasks, whispering among themselfs. He located Guan Shan in the middle, his back to him, instructed some girl how to prepare something in a pan. Guan Shan didn’t look behind until Yin Su called after He Tian. He went pale as he saw him and looked around in a hurry.

“The heck are you doing here, get out!” he hissed quietly, still unease.

“Stop ignoring me. We’re going outside, now-”

“Yin Su, take care of this jerk” Guan Shan didn’t listen to him, he was still looking around nervously, Yin Su opened her eyes with  understanding, and went out quickly “and you, seriously get the hell out of here!”

“We need to talk.” he growled, surprised he was not the jerk Guan Shan was talking about.

“I’m  _working here_ , you idiot, and shut up, for fuck’s sake!” he growled, still quietly.

“Ok, I can speak here. About what I have done-“

“Manager, good to see you! Can I ask you to take a look on-” Yin Su’s muffled voice came from behind the door, Guan Shan growled “finish this!” to the girl, put in her hand a pan handler, grabbed He Tian’s arm and went outside with the back door at the moment when the front door to the kitchen was opening.

“You know what, I thought you can’t piss me off even more!” Guan Shan looked irritated and relieved in the same time.

“What do you mean you will not play?”

“And what do you not understand here? You have some reading problems? Not to me to fix this. Everything? Then don’t fuckin’ bother m-”

“You can’t be so mad at me to quit.”

“You are the last person that should tell me how mad I can be. Don’t show your face to me.” he reached for the door handle and flinched when he felt He Tian’s grib on his arm.

“Listen, I know I have – “ He Tian went silent when he had saw his hand's imprint on Guan Shan wrist.  _Congratulations, He Tian, you idiot_. He scoffed to himself.

“Are you so much enjoying it?” Guan Shan has been observing his gaze, his eyes reflected a little flames of just awoken anger, with the orange light of street lights dancing in his hairs, he was looking even more fiery “ with this kind of marks you didn’t see me yet, right? Something  _more of me_  here, huh? Would you like to take a memorable picture?”

“Stop that, I didn’t mean here -”

“You fuckin’ stop!”  Guan Shan freed his hand, pushed He Tian away furiously “I told you to stop fuckin’ playing with me and you -”

“Let me explain myself –“

“The heck you want to explain here? There’s nothing to explain, you’ve fuckin’ crossed the line! Who do you think you are?!  I am ‘ _yours to take’_ , what the-  Stop acting like you owe me!”

“Listen, let me-“

“No, you fuckin’ listen. You’re always doing whatever you want to, you’re pushing yourself on me in the way I can’t stand any longer, you’re invading me at my home, at my work, even at my friend’s house, you’re playing like you like, you’re doing everything for your own amusement, not taking anybody around you under considaration!“

“...does it really look like that to you?”

“How the fuck it should look like?! Don’t open your mouth, that was rhetorical!”

“You’re making me angry Little Mo, let me –“

“I think you don’t get here something – I don’t want to hear anything you want to say to me. I’m seriously so sick of you! Just this fuckin’ once, can’t you just listen and not show your face to me?!”   
  
The door opened slowly with a loud squeak. No one opened them so, everybody did it with panache to avoid unpleasant contact with the high tones they made. So Guan Shan knew who was behind him. He even knew what expression was on this person face right before he looked at him. He was right. The manager was smiling at him maliciously.

“Mo Guan Shan...haven’t you already used all your break time for today? And remind me, I think you should not leave your trainee without watching over what she’s doing, am I right?”

Guan Shan looked back at He Tian with nothing but anger.  He passed the manager by in the door, not commenting his words. The guy slightly bowed his head to He Tian, still with malicious smile on his face and closed the door. He Tian was alone in an empty alley.

“You really know what to ask for, Little Mo.” he said to himself, turning around. The door opened again after he did two steps.

“Damn, He Tian, what was that?” Yin Su covered herself with a coat “what have you thought?!”

“Forgive me, Yin Su, I don’t need a lecture from you right now-”

“Damn, you need!” she didn’t let him finish “ don’t do this ever again! You know they have a bone to pick, don’t give him the reason to use it against Guan Shan!”

“What?”

“What ‘what’ ? The manager! Maybe it is somehow peacefully after they fought, but it wasn’t ease for Guan Shan back then! The manager is still evidently looking for something to use against him, and customers are absolutely no-no in the back, if he would caught you there and learn you guys are familiar, it would be hell of a problem for Guan Shan! What “ she frowned, quite surprised “he didn’t tell you?”

The odious feeling inside him gave him sarcastic, standing ovation.

“No. He did not.”

 

*

 

_"_ Tsk”  Jian Yi clicked his tongue, unpatient. Red lights.

He frowned as he was knocking with his finger constantly on the car door, as if it would speed up anything. Zheng Xi glanced at him, but didn’t say a word, just sighed. They were driving to He Tian’s place, and Jian Yi was seriously pissed off.

Redhead’s announcement about leaving the band and both of their guitarists not showing at the rehearsals wasn't something he could ignore, especially if the main concert was getting close. Jian Yi knew they have fought, it was hard to miss, first disapearing after the support in a hurry, without a word, Redhead with morderous glare and He Tian with a cut lip, then this situation. And none of them was eager to fix this up.

He went out from the car and headed to the elevator as they finally were on the underground parking in He Tian’s building. Still he waited with crossed arms on Zheng Xi to join him, the other went in with look saying “Why the rush?”

From his point of view, it was so good until now between those two idiots. Guan Shan stopped escaping from He Tian, air around them was somehow nice. Nice to the point Jian Yi was so sure he would catch them on something more. But no. Apparently nothing that is good can last long.

They reached He Tian’s floor, Jian Yi knocked to the door three times shortly, waiting.

But for fuck’s sake, how long they plan to play their games, it started to be frustrating for him. Especially if it affected their band.

He took a deep breath and started to knock again, this time without a break.

**“** Knock one more time and I’ll break your arm.” He Tian opened the door with anger “what do you want?”

“We missed you, too~! What we want is the equipment.We had an apointment for today.”

“...it’s not today, you were suppose to take it day before the concert.”

“Oh, really?~ How is that possible~ But! If we are already here, we can take it now, right? Let us in~”

He Tian frowned, evidently not content, but he let them inside.

“Don’t take off your shoes. I didn’t expect company.”

“I know you can’t do your household duties, He Tian, but it can’t be so bad, ri-“ Jian Yi stopped when he saw pieces of the glass table scattered all over the floor, He Tian went to the window, barefoot, apparently thought already memorized path and lit a cigarette. Zheng Xi looked around, not sure what he should do right now.

“Don’t pay attention to it.”

“I will try...to” Jian Yi made one huge step over bigger pile of glass “I knew you guys have a fight, but I didn’t expect to be it like that...” he started when he finally reached He Tian, passing by something that previously was probably He Tian’s laptop.

“No, this is connected to family issues. You can say they brought me out of balance in the worst possible moment. So, if you don’t mind, take what you want and leave.”

Jian Yi looked at him for a while, finally he nodded at Zheng Xi, who started to prepare the amplifiers to take away. “Are you ok?” is what was dancing on his tongue, but he abandoned any attempts to ask as there was no need to do so. Dark circles under his eyes and somehow empty look along with his angry expression was enough for him as an answer.

“What happened?”

“Depends on what are you asking about.”

“Maybe this, first” he pointed with his thumb at the floor.

“I’m probably going back overseas.”

“You-what?!”

“They want me there.”

“You can...refuse them, right? It’s not that they’ll come here for you and just take you away?”

He Tian scoffed. Jian Yi would be surprised. But he wasn’t underage anymore, and they have the deal. He Tian intended to make them keep their word. But...

“The question is, Jian Yi” he looked with a smirk at him “do I have anything to stay here for?”

Jian Yi frowned, not understanding him

“What with Redhead?”

“He, on the other side, doesn’t want me here.”

“Ok, wait, I don’t get this, have you talked with him?”

“Heh” he chuckled “Hard to call it ‘  _talk_ ’. But he said few things to me that gave me something to think about.” he dragged with the cigarette.

“You...tell me, you haven’t spoke with him the next day, right? After the concert? After...this?” he made some unclear move with his hand, trying to present all the state of the apartment.

“Jian Yi, you don’t have to do your investigation here. I know we spoke after my lovely chat with my brother and after my delightfull fight with Little Mo. I know how it affected both of us” he shaked off the ash from the cigarette  “still, it doesn’t change the fact that whatever I'm doing, it makes things worse. From his point of view, I’m playing with him. All this time.”

“...are you?”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes, Jian Yi. You know I am not.”

“So made him listen to you!”

“Last time, I tried. I fucked it up even more.“

“I mean after he calms down! What have you done he is so angry with you to begin with?”

He Tian dragged again, the answer was a quiet hiss of the burning cigarette.

“... we have main concert coming up with big steps, can’t you just reconcile?”

“I don’t care about the band itself if he doesn’t intend to play in it.”

“You have a dick-attitude to this, you know?”

He Tian shrugged. He was aware that what he heared from Guan Shan was spoken in anger. Still, what he heared was Guan Shan’s thoughts. And the feeling He Tian could be wrong all the time, and that he saw in Guan Shan’s reaction what he wanted to see didn’t want to leave him.

“...how you endure it?” he ask after a while, glaring at the town below him.

“Hm?”

“How can you keep going like this...for years?”

“I know he loves me” Jian Yi said after a while, when he understood what he was asked about “In his own way.”

“It’s not an answer to my question.”

“Apparently, I am stronger than you ~” He Tian chuckled “what? Tell me I am not!”

“Isn’t it hard?”

“It is. Sometimes.” Jian Yi looked at the entrance to make sure Zheng Xi is not around “that's why I can’t refrain from stealing a few kisses from time to time.”

“You have stole some?” He Tian looked surprised “...how it went?”

“Well...that’s the reason he doesn’t allow me to stay overnight at his place, he was awake one time” Jian Yi laugh at the memory in his mind.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Nah, his reaction was priceless back then. But still I remember pain of his punch.” Jian Yi massaged his ribs as he really could feel it.

_Well, at last for you it is something to laugh about._

“But you know, I can endure it. As long as I can be by his side, it is good for me.”

“Really?”

They both gave to each other ironical smirk.

“I see you know the answer, He Tian ~ ...So, do you need help with” Jian Yi make a move with his arm again, showing the remainds of the table.

He Tian laughed. This time honestly.

“And  _you_  are the one who wants to help  _me_  with  _cleaning_?”

“You see, you see? How wonderful friend I am, sacrificing myself here!” Jian Yi  corrected the non-existent collar of a non-existent shirt “at last you smiled, good~ Try to talk to him, but seriously, wait for him to calm down” he looked around, trying to choose the best way back throught the capret of glass “I can’t say I’m sad, I’m really relieved that you don’t need a hand with this~ Call some cleaning service and get some sleep, you look like shit.”

“Still better than you” He Tian showed him a finger, Jian Yi answered with the same move. He made his way back, thought a little and finally took a case with He Tian’s guitar “we’ll see each other at the concert?”

He Tian didn’t say anything, just blindly waved his hand with his back still to Jian Yi.

 

“You took your time, you know this is heavy?!” Zheng Xi growled at him, pushing the amplifiers to the car, when Jian Yi finally joined him.

“Why so mad, I am also carring something” he rised his hand with the guitar, Zheng Xi frowned at him, angry “they need to talk.”

“I know.”

“...you have heard, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Good~ So I am leaving the rest to you~”

Zheng Xi scoffed. Why he always leaves the hardest tasks to him.

 

*

 

“What, maybe you are so great?”

“Your drummer needs to use a fuckin’ metronome, otherwise there’s no way you will play in time!”

“ _Our_  drummer.”

“No way. I’m out of this.” Guan Shan went out from the rehearsal room, trying to ignore the cursing guy behind him. He went to the street, going along with mass of people. So far away from home, he has just wasted his time here on his free day.

It was sixth group he was checking. Lord, what a nightmare. Is in this town any fuckin drummer who can play in tempo? Any bassist who knows what he’s doing? Until now Guan Shan really didn’t realise how lucky he was to have a group of people that actualy can play.

The first guy, who gave him his number in the pub, turned out to be a total catastrophe. Guan Shan was not sure if every next band was actually better or worse than the first. When he finally found a group with a bassist that knew what to do and when, then the other guitarist was making this feeling like he was holding guitar for the first time in life. Not saying about vocals. None of them was in his likning. But nothing can change the fact that a drummer than can use something more than kick drum and snare and play in tempo was non-existant. Guan Shan himself has known only one, and it was Zheng Xi.

Fuck, he really missed his drums. He knew exactly how to play, he kept tempo, he knew proper fills. And Jian Yi’s bass. He was maybe stubborn with himself and with his sounds but fuck, he was right, he knew how to use bass sounds to just fill songs with proper balance of deep sounds. And this fuckers guitar as well. As Guan Shan was seriously pissed off on him he coulnd’t deny He Tian could play and fuck, he knew how to answer on his guitar. They were naturally responding to each other, answering to each other’s call. And that was amazing. It wasn’t about knowing the scale, more like about knowing what they want to throw through the steal strings.

“The fuck am I suppose to do, for fuck’s sake!” he growled to himself, waiting for lights to change, an old lady next to him gave him an unflattering look, mumbling something about the young people and their language. He ignored her, putting his headphones on. When he felt a grib on his arm he thought that there it is, the next old hag to deal with, like he has not enough of this already, he looked at his left,  surprised on a view of Zheng Xi that was trying to caught his breath.

“If you will run on the weather like this with your mouth open you’ll catch a cold.”

“...huh?...not that you care, right...?”

“...not that I care.”

“I would not have to, if you would wait for me.”

“How the fuck should I know you are here?!”

“I was calling after you, you even put your headphones on!”

“It wasn’t because of you, it was-“ he scoffed, the old lady was throwing at him the same look, mumbling under her breath even more ferociously “let’s move finally.”

“Where have you been? A luthier?” Zheng Xi asked when he recover his breath and looked at Guan Shan’s guitar case  “I told you will change scale length if you will change string’s size.  Tunning as well?“

“Since when you’re a guitar expert?”

“Since Jian Yi fills my head with the theory. So? ”

“I can set it by myself and I didn’t change size of the strings. Scram.”

“Not in the mood?”

“Was I ever?”

“So” Zheng Xi tried again with emotionless face “ a walk? It’s not so good to change the enviroment for the instrument, especially when it’s cold, right? Or someth-“

“Fuck, you’re annoying.”

“Remember I have Jian Yi as a teacher here. Better surrender. I can go like this for a long time.”

Guan Shan considered a possible scenario in his mind and said with resignation.

“I was playing.”

“You rent a room?”

“No. I was checking other bands.”

Zheng Xi stopped, caught his arm.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I needed to...reconsider it.”

“What for?”

“...just to check something different.”

“Are we boring you?”

“No, I – tsk, let it go, Zheng Xi.” he didn’t took his seriously looking eyes off of Guan Shan “fuck...I don’t want to see him more than necessary, that’s all.”

“And that’s why you are looking for a band? You’re seriously planning to quit?”

“I-“  he didn’t know. He didin’t want to. But he had no clue how to deal with He Tian ”I just needed to play, ok? You made me addicted to it, all of you. Playing solo is not fun anymore. And, my flat, is...”

“What, scared of the manager?”

“And you are not afraid of my fist, I see?”

“Not really.”

“Then you should. And no, my neighbor, she-“

“Wait, this old lady? You’re afraid of old people?”

“She freaks me out! Previously she was all the time angry, and when she came it was only to tell me to turn off the amplifier. But now “ he sighed, somehow he felt sick “she is constantly checking after me, when she just hears some noise from my flat. Last time, I sneezed and dropped some glass I had in my hand and she was already under the door, you get it? It’s not funny, each and every fuckin time I made something in her mind ‘alarming’ she is checking it!”

“How has she changed to this?” Zheng Xi chuckled, still amused of Guan Shan’s lively reaction.

“Because of this fuckin’ fight with this jerk! Apparently she doesn’t like him even more than me, I have no fuckin’ clue, but it drives me mad, I really prefer her previous version.”

“So just play normally like you used to.”

“No. No, no, no, I will not risk to make her a permanent quest at my door. I just want to make as less noise as it is possible, she annoys me.”

“So, you have some time?” Zheng Xi didn’t wait for his answer, browsing through his phone “great, it is not occupied right now. Come. I want to show you something.”

\---

Zheng Xi opened the door, letting Guan Shan in. The room was smaller than their current one, but at first glance  was properly mutted, on light gray walls were squared accoustic foams in red and black colors, at the end of the room a large drumset, at walls guitar stands and amplifiers Guan Shan always wanted to test.

“Like it?” Zheng Xi scoffed under his breath as Guan Shan was already glued to one of it, checking it’s settings.

“It bought me already with this sofa, no more leaving stuff on the floor” he said, blindly pointing at the direction of the furniture “why we didn’t rent something like this before?”

“It’s quite away from each of us. You often work til late, we needed something close, so ” he shrugged, observing Guan Shan “I was searching recently some other places. For rehearsals. Honestly, drums from our current ones drives me crazy.”

“Wow, are those new cymbals? And you have even more drums here!” he looked at Zheng Xi, seriously impressed “you’re able to play on this? Like, using all of drums? I didn’t pay attention, a kit at your place has so many as well?”

“Want to check if I can?”

“Jian Yi will be devastaded if he learns you were playing without him as he was, what, studying right now?”

“So better not to tell him. Or we both may end bad.” Guan Shan smirked, throwing his belongings to the sofa and getting his guitar out.

“You know what...if you have so much time, and evidently you want to play, you should move your ass and come to rehearsals normaly. Especialy because of the main concert.”

“...we will have a rehearsal in the pub the same day, no need to practivce more.”

“Before we start ” Zheng Xi adjusted his seat, checking distance to each element “I want to ask only one thing” Guan Shan frowned at him, evidently not content but he waited  “you obviously don’t want to talk what’s happened.”

“10 points for your perceptivity. I know it wasn’t a question but don’t lead this conversation like that. One thing. Think that through.”

Zheng Xi thought a little, observing Guan Shan as the other was turning amplifier’s knobs, pulling one guitar string with other hand to check the balance and volume.

“You know He Tian is going back overseas?”

Unpleasant, hight tone from the amplifier filled their ears when Guan Shan’s hand made too much move.

“...probably.” Zheng Xi added when Guan Shan turned the knob the other way quickly.

“Sorry, I didn’t know it has such a volume” Guan Shan said quietly, not taking his eyes from the knobs.

Zheng Xi observed him for a while, finally without a sign he hit his drums, feets were working on double pedal, hands hitting drums and cimbals. Guan Shan closed his eyes, listening to his rythm for a while. And then, he hit furiously his strings.

 

*

 

_Fuck, he didn’t tell me. Again._

“Mo Guan Shan, watch out what are you doing! You will overdo with salt here!”

“WHA- yeah, I get it.”

_‘I don’t want to hear anything you want to say to me.’_

_Oh, seriously?_

_Chop, chop, chop._ The knife was working, his hands were moving. So busy, so much to do.

_So? Since when he even listen to what I want._

“What this carrot did to you, Guan Shan?”

“Tsk.”

Hit with the knife unnsecesary strong, it stuck at a wooden board.

New order, some VIPs arrived? Just the most expensive dishes here, they surely didn’t look at the prices.  _Chop, chop, chop_ vegetables in pieces, equaly chopped.  _He didn’t  even show his face here._

_‘Don’t show your face to me.’_

The meet, quickly, don’t burn it, Yin Su in the kitchen, placing new orders on his counter, taking in a hurry ready dishes. Quick glance on the notes. Not a sign of a cocky one.

_‘You know He Tian is going back overseas?’_

_Great, why do I bother, I will not have to see him ever again. This is what I wanted. Just perfect. Just like it suppose to be. Problem solved._

“Hey, Mo Guan Shan...you know this chicken can’t be more...dead, right?”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, just...you’ll hit few more times and nothing’ll left from this, you know?”

“Scram. I see.”

*

 

“Fuckin’ finally!” Yu Fang welcomed him with such an expression he barely hold himself from stepping back after he enter their room near the stage  “ the hell you were!”

“At work...we still have time, ri-“

“What took you so long Redhead!”

“WORK, you idiot, what else?!  Stop yelling at me!”

“We had to set everything by ourselfs, you were not on rehearsals throught all this time and didn’t show up on one here! I have my rights to yell at you!”

“WHAT? You didn’t practice?!”

“Of course we did, Yu Fang!” Zheng Xi pushed her back a little “ give us some time, we need to discuss few things quickly.” he threw morderous glare at Jian Yi and Guan Shan as soon as he closed the door behind her “Whatch out what are you saying with her around! And you – the hell have you been?!”

“I had to stay a little longer, one guy le – wait, why the hell do I have to explain anything anyway?! I am here, right? ”

“Well, that’s a really good point, good that  _you_  are here.”

“Why shouldn’t I? The rehearsals are one thing but this is something different.Everything has been set?”

“Yeah, the guys right now have similar settings, just few corrections, we should get it in three after they’ll end.”

“Three?” Guan Shan looked at He Tian’s guitar “how so?”

“He Tian didn’t show up yet.”

“He will show up in last minute, as mostly.” Guan Shan waved a hand.

“Not so sure. On the concerts, he is usually earlier. He didn’t respond to any message.”

“Maybe he is on the way.”

“He saw them. He always replies.”

“He has more than twenty minutes” Guan Shan looked at the phone “you have a copy of songs order for me?”

Guan Shan didn’t care He Tian was still absent when they were thanking the support band for their work when their end their show. He still didn’t care when he was plugging their multieffects and checking for the last time all settings. But he started to care at the moment, when they were supposed to enter the stage.

“Call him.” he mumbled to Jian Yi, feeling he’s starting to feel anxious.

“I have done it five times already! He doesn’t pick up!”

“What are you doing, honestly!” Yu Fang frowned at them as they still were standing in the corridor, not entering the stage “ Stress?  I thought you have something like that behind you. So, come on, move your asses finally to the stage, and entertain the crowd there!” her smile dissapeared as soon as she spotted He Tian’s guitar, still on the guitar stand.

“Where the hell is He Tian? I thought he is here already?”

They didn’t say anything, just looked at Guan Shan like they were expecting him to made up some cover. She looked at him expectantly, evidently more and more pissed off.

“...do you fuckin’ realise you have to enter in a moment?!”

Again, she got a silent as an answer.

“Ok” Yu Fang let out a loud breath, as if she was trying to calm herself down “I don’t even want to hear you will back off, you get it? I don’t give a shit how, better for you to drag him here...And I suggest you to not test me.” she left them furiously, already on her phone with “do you have any backup band? Don’t ask stupid questions, do you or do you not?!”

“FUCK!” Jian Yi hit his forehead with an open palm “ Redhead,  _you_  call him!”

“Why?! You called him already, it didn’t give anything!”

“It should be you from the very beginning” he growned, somehow mad “you told him you don’t want to see him, right? Or some shit like that?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I – wait, this fucker told you that?! What else you know?!”

“Doesn’t matter, call him! Shit.” he added as lights on the stage started to change, the crowd made their noise “Xixi, you enter. And you – get back for your phone!”

“Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do! Are you looking for a fight?!“

“For fuck’s sake, today we are main band here, you get it?” Jian Yi throw a look on him, before he entered the stage “do whatever it takes to bring his ass here!”

_The fuck he is thinking here? He planned this for sure, I will not dance like he plays! Idiot. Asshole._

Whatever. He didn’t care. Really. He didn’t. He Tian will be the one who will explain himself before furious Yu Fang, not him. They have to enter, say their sorry, and that’s it. Yu Fang will come up with some replacement for them.

_You know you don’t want to fuck this up._

Fuck this, he didn’t care. He entered the stage.  Not at all. He glanced at the direction of the backend, He Tian’s guitar was still alone on the guitar stand.

_...for fuck’s sake..._

_Separate it. Focus on the concert. Don’t fuck this performance up._

Fuck this up? It was already too late, too late for going back to search for the phone, too late for doing anything. He swallowed, looked around nervously at the audience. Where’s Yin Su when she’s needed?

Bass sound echoed from the amplifiers, somehow unsure, like Jian Yi was testing the sound, slowing it down. Guan Shan frowned, listening to him. Why he is unsure here, this bass line is-

_Oh._

Guan Shan looked at Jian Yi, who was playing his song. One of those he wrote. One of those were he sang. He scoffed and nodded his head slightly, giving Jian Yi sign he can go with normal tempo for it.

“You!”  Guan Shan pointed at the first girl he has recognized and leaned toward her.

"M- me?"

"Yes, I'm talking to you, do you have He Tian’s number?" the terrified girl nodded her head slowly twice "Call him until he picks up" he said,  giving Jian Yi sign with his hand to repeat bass part once more. He thought for a moment “Actually, better if you write to him as well. Write him ,that- “ he noticed the girl’s friends were listening carefully. He grabbed his nape, messing his hair.

_I will regret this for sure._

He leaned more to the girl, whispered to her ear. The girl opened her eyes wider “You got it?” he asked  “ don’t drop anything from it!” She nodded again, this time vigorously. “Good. When you get in touch with him, switch to a video call” he said, straightening up “ and show him what you will see."

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nameless bared his teeth unpleasantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> I've updated the previous chapters along with this update - grammar and typos, which became more obvious to me after refreshing the memory with a few basics, but I don't want to fool anybody - mistakes are still there for sure, only in lesser amount. 
> 
> About this chapter, I took my time with it, but as above:  
> Mistakes? Yep.  
> Grammar is calling for vengeance? Probably ( ha! FOR SURE ).  
> Sorry and deep bows to those whose eyes bleed because of this, but they still are here.  
> You are the ones who are amazing. 
> 
> Somehow this one turned out to be a real wall of text, "over 9 000! " words ( ten words more, but hey ~ ) . I tried to make it smaller but it still is huge.  
> If you're not comfy with reading such huge chapters, let me know. It's not that I plan to write so much, it's writing on its own, but I would keep in mind to not overdo it next time.
> 
> Hugs!

_What the hell was I thinking._

_Slam. Kick_. _Thump._ Bass filled the air. Zheng Xi hit his drums and caught the cymbals to stop the sound, ending the first song, letting people’s noise overwhelmed them, positive shouts, cheers and a few whistles bounced off the walls of the pub with more force as soon as they went silent.

Ok, the plan sounded pretty well, at least in Guan Shan’s head : they will not fuck the performance up, they will waste some time for He Tian’s stupid ass to get dragged in here and at the end of everything, Guan Shan would beat a crap out of him for ditching them like that.

Yeah, the plan wasn’t bad. It is a pity that he didn’t think its implementation more through before he agreed to it so blindly. He looked at Jian Yi, the other began to send him meaningful looks, gently pointing his head towards the people.

_You must be kidding me, you’re always the boisterous one, make some use of it!_

They didn’t play in any band introductions, it was always He Tian’s part. And Guan Shan had no intentions to talk to the crowd. Singing songs and connecting with an audience was a huge difference, he wasn’t good with dealing with people, so he slightly shaked his head as Jian Yi didn’t get his glare at all. On that Jian Yi began to move his head more furiously with small pauses, as if to say “ _Take. Care. Of. This. **NOW**_ ”. Guan Shan had been sending him a telepathic " _Over my dead body_ " until Jian Yi with angry expression finally approached the microphone, starting his welcome and showing a cheerful smile to everyone around. Fuck, he was a good actor.

Guan Shan took a look over the pub. Shit, so many people, he has never seen here such crowd. It was already hot as hell, he knew that after two more songs his t-shirt will have a really close relationship with his body.

But yep, the implementation of their plan. ~~~~

It wasn’t about the singing or playing at general. The concerts didn’t bother him – he liked them, the possibility of throwing everything from himself without holding back, with sounds surrounding all of him, merging with the rest of the band’s once was something he really find himself addicted to. Not speaking about inner satisfaction from the fact that people liked what he has been doing with his guitar. And now additionaly he could shout out how much he liked to, great.

But it was different. It felt different. And hell, how much.

Eyes on him. Fuck, he didn’t like it. He felt it. He felt it with himself. Eyes with undisguised curiosity have been piercing him mercilessly, watching every slide on the fretboard, every hit of the pick, every movement of his lips.

It didn’t bother him when they were all together - people watched him at their supports, right, but he didn’t feel it as intensely as now, as He Tian was always the main character on the stage and mainly he integrated with the crowd ( Guan Shan has never done it,  Jian Yi sometimes jumped into the microphone to say something from himself ), so people focused mostly on their vocalist. And He Tian focused Guan Shan's attention on him as well, when he made some small improvisations with expectation of the response of Guan Shan’s guitar, which caused Guan Shan to pay even less attention to gazes fixed on him. Now he had to get used to these eyes. And to the new, Nameless feeling that has been asking for attention since he entered the scene.  Hell knows, some new form of stress or other damn thing? Whatever it was, it seemed unpleasant. Guan Shan didn’t necessarily want to know it better, so he ignored it completely.

He has been making himself calm with think that he would beat the crap out of He Tian.

_If_  he deigns to answer his phone.

In order not to look on people and not to be stressed unnecessarily, all Guan Shan’s attention on the first song focused on the girl until he got used to the eyes fixed on him at some point. The girl with every moment has been getting more and more red, friends of hers have been poking her and whispering to her ear, giggling under their breaths, so he decided to not look on her so much. Nevertheless, her phone was tight in her hand. _Fuck, where are you, asshole_.

“Which song now?” Jian Yi whispered to him, leaving the microphone and moving back, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Well, yeah, the second problem, the complete lack of order, consistency, anything in his songs. They were always played randomly, depending on their mood, depending on whether Zheng Xi wanted to hit the drums energetically or Jian Yi wanted to fill the room with the bass sounds. Or if Guan Shan needed to shout out. They heard Zheng Xi’s drums, he read both of them perfectly, choosing the next song for them.

_Ok, just don’t screw this up, there was a change...Fuck!_

Guan Shan focused on his thought so much that he entered in too fast, Jian Yi hurried up with one tact, and Zheng Xi caught up with the drums. Guan Shan let out a deep breath before he approached the microphone.

_Shit, again, relax._

His t-shirt decided to meet with his skin sooner than he thought it will. Air conditioning in this pub was probably for dubious decoration. He felt thunders threw at his direction. He looked at the girl, she shaked her head.

_I’ll rip him apart._

There were mistakes in their play, not so much caused by that they didn’t practice with each other lately, but rather by that they hadn’t played Guan Shan’s songs for a long time. At their first song, Guan Shan entered with old verion of it, forgetting they modyfied it a little, what made Jian Yi lose his rythm. It was good Jian Yi didn’t stop the play back then, he slipped through his strings and merged with Guan Shan’s melody, making it really smooth, almost unnoticable. Almost, because Guan Shan felt thunders throwed at them from the place around the bar, back then as well as now after his mistake. He spotted angry source of those thunders, Yu Fang, with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed at him, her finger knocking hers arm dangerously.

He screamed a part of the lyrics with irritation, surprised quickly after as it met with some cheers, whistles and even more intense feeling of pinning eyes on him. _Fuck, will you check this fu – finall_ y! The girl raised her thumb up, turned the phone screen towards him. It didn’t last so long to make sure He Tian recived his message, but shit, it was stressful as hell _So pack up your ass and teleport here!_

They didn’t have too many songs. In fact, one could say they have less than Guan Shan really could sing. He couldn’t sing He Tian’s songs, he didn’t fit there. Three of Jian Yi’s went out of the pull automaticaly. If people would hear any of familiar note, they will be sure He Tian is going to enter the stage and if Guan Shan would decide to sing them alone anyway, it would look like he was covering their own songs. So better to stay with only his. And for now, people liked it.

Curious about the new vocal, thirsty for new impressions. And very good they reacted so well. Cheers and screams, whistles and noise. It was seriously great. But their curiosity will have limit, they came here to listen to He Tian’s voice, not his. If they start to get impatient and irritate, it will be hard to straighten it out.

_Let's give it all, entertain them as long as possible._

Jian Yi smirked at him, evidentely feeling change in Guan Shan’s play, not letting him overcome his bass, trying not to be left behind Guan Shan. He did well, he did seriously great. But he wasn’t He Tian, they couldn’t improvise here. When Jian Yi was again at the microphone, Guan Shan noticed the screen pointed at him went black. He didn’t know when, he stopped to pay attention to the girl as he had other things to focus on. He looked back but He Tian’s guitar was still alone.  _So he’s on his way here_. Guan Shan nodded at the girl, giving her sing she can hide the phone already. She didn’t get him, she looked at the screen, narrowed her eyes and made one more call. She blinked surprised after a moment, moving the phone away from her ear and shruged at Guan Shan with shock on her face. He ignored her, he had other things to think about.

The lack of song order was irritating, Guan Shan focused on Jian Yi’s words, having absolutely no clue about the next song as Jian Yi decided to make up the titles, he never bothered to create them himself. As he recognized the bass line, he joined smoothly, after two tacts Zheng Xi did so as well. Guan Shan looked at the entrance to the stage again,  no changes there. Well, maybe better he’ll not hear this one. It would be a real pain to get out of it, He Tian liked to search meaning in lyrics. And hell, this one had a lot.

Jian Yi at the microphone again.

... _actually_ , _why she was so shocked._

The Nameless feeling stretched lazily. Guan Shan hurried to memory after songs that left. Ok, they had a problem.

  _He Tian, seriously, move your ass here._

They can’t play too long. Fuck, were his songs always this short? Or time here just run like crazy? It all depended on Jian Yi now. And he has been doing his best  at the microphone between the songs, to make it last longer, enduring furious glares of Yu Fang on himself. She realised for sure they have been playing on time there, it was hard not to.  Not that she was happy with it, not with this frowned brows of hers. And she wasn’t very content with this speaking of Jian Yi as well. Jian Yi couldn’t overdo it, couldn’t make it too long. Or rather, he shouldn’t. Because he has been speaking a lot, and Guan Shan was seriously impressed that he didn’t hear any screams demanding to take the microphone away from Jian Yi’s mouth.

Guan Shan sang, welcoming cheers once again. Maybe he could add a small shred part, but not too much. Wow, that felt nice. And judging few screams, there were some guitar passionate in the crowd. That’s great. That’s really awesome. But the feeling of satisfaction seemed to distance away from him.

Something was odd. From the very beginning, something was not right. And it was not about the lack of songs or curious glares that were glued to him.

The Nameless smirked at him.

For a moment Guan Shan thought He Tian planned it all and was waiting for Guan Shan to call him. This thought Guan Shan dropped quickly, He Tian would be already here with this irritating smirk on his face. Besides it was not like him.

Right. It wasn’t like He Tian. It wasn’t like He Tian at all.

What Jian Yi said to him before they started,  also didn’t fit for him. That He Tian didn’t come because of what Guan Shan said . It really didn’t sound like He Tian at all, something like that wouldn’t stop him. He Tian didn’t bother him since last time they saw each other, this much he respected, but why he would not come to his own show. That didn’t make sense for Guan Shan. Anger was anger, but for fuck’s sake, the concert was the concert, it is not something to just drop off because of an argue.

First of all, what even made him be so sure He Tian will come after all. That Guan Shan wrote to him he want him here as soon as possible didn’t mean He Tian will magicaly pop up.

He muted his string, thinking, Jian Yi took his time with his bass, reciving people’s attention before Guan Shan went back with singing again.

Ok, he got nothing more. So, really? His words were the cause here? Not possible.  
But seriously, if not that, then what?  Was there any reason for He Tian to stand them up like that? He worked remotely, he –

The Nameless bared his teeth unpleasantly. It was like a bucket of cold water.

 

_‘You know He Tian is going back overseas?’_

 

_He fuckin’ left._

It wasn’t impossible. He Tian had done it before, he left without a word. Something tightened inside Guan Shan’s chest, the vision in his mind created such unpleasant feeling that overwhelmed his body, so strong he stopped with his lyrics, forgetting what to sing, leaving the song cut in half of the verse. He felt Jian Yi irritated glare at his neck when Guan Shan went to the solo, not even trying to repeat the refrain, making the song even shorter than it was. _Fuck._

Guan Shan moved aside from the microphone, making space for Jian Yi. He spotted guys with guitars in covers on their backs who approached Yu Fang and started to talk.

Backup band.

No point of making it longer anymore.

“So, people - “ he grabbed Jian Yi by arm, moving him away from the microphone, whispering to his ear.

“Don’t make it any longer. Last song and let’s finish this.”

“I have to!”

“It’s already too late” he mumbled quickly as Jian Yi evidentely didn’t want to give up.

“So sing some cover or – “

“No, it’s enough...we have been playing more than half an hour already” he knew Jian Yi understand what he meant by it. _He got plenty of time. He didn’t show up. He’ll not come._   Guan Shan looked at He Tian’s guitar again, letting go of Jian Yi’s arm “ Yu Fang is already pissed off, so let’s end this nice. Make it short.”

Jian Yi clicked his tongue, evidentely not content, evidentely not looking like he’s going to get along with this, but he did as Guan Shan said.

“...last one!”

Guan Shan started slowly, repeating intro, giving time for Zheng Xi to join him and Jian Yi to move aside from the microphone.

He looked at the people as he could hear their complains. Theirs not satisfied faces, saying to him “ _the fuck, why so short_?” “ _where’s He Tian_?” . He could read it all from their expressions. Well, he was not surprised. As much as they welcomed them, it wasn’t what their expected, it wasn’t what was promised to them. Nobody told them the vocalist will be different, nobody told them they will not hear any song of the onces they already were familiar with. He can’t even answer on their complains with any encore, he has nothing to play for them. Nothing that they all knew. 

Jian Yi joined perfectly.

Zheng Xi filled air with angry hits, crash sounds hung around them.

He looked back for the last time, lonely guitar was imprinted in his mind. He knew he can’t let anything what started to grow inside of him, build up even more. He needed to throw it away. So he sang giving his all. All his anger that suddenly growned in him, all his frustration that he wasn’t prepared for that, all this mix of sudden feelings that approached him when he understood.

Eyes pinned him again, he felt it more than ever. He felt like he was devoured by them, glares on him were so intense. Well, he didn’t hold himself here, he needed to throw it out from himself, before it grows, before it gets dangerous, before it changes into something specific. If they liked it, this was good. It turned out to be really a support concert, but it wasn’t so bad. They played after all, even if it was a little.

Zheng Xi speeded up, looping the rythm for the last piece of the refrain, Jian Yi went with him.

_For fuck’s sake, enough of making it any longer_. Guan Shan looked around at him, Zheng Xi went with normal tempo as he saw  Guan Shan’s short glare with as well short message: _No more prolonging_. Jian Yi went back with his rythm as well, face expressionless.

The show was over.

 

\---

 

The squeak of tires and the car that suddenly slipped into the back of the building caused people who were on the cigarette scatter in haste with the curses on their lips. He Tian stopped the car abruptly, blocking another one, got out and pushed through the pissed off people, ignoring the taunts of some of them who wanted to present their dissatisfaction more personaly to him.

Hot and humid air struck him as he got inside the pub, people in the narrow corridor leading to the back exit made it difficult for him to move, some of them knew him, shouting their welcomes, but he ignored them as well, trying to make his way to the back of the stage. There was something missing in the general buzz that surrounded him, something that caused him a disturbing and unpleasant feeling. He focused on the surroundings, still breaking through the crowd. Bustle, laughters, conversations, shouted orders. He was surrounded by sounds. But they lacked music. They lacked Guan Shan’s voice.

Some voice from the speakers echoed through the pub shortly, but it didn’t belong to Guan Shan for sure. _Mic tests, now?_... _Shit. Backup band_.  He didn’t make it after all. Everything was falling like a house of cards.

 

He Tian wrote to Jian Yi in a hurry to make a delay at the moment when no eyes were turned towards him at the meeting. As he observed his screen surreptitiously like it blinks time after time with new notifications, he knew it wasn’t good sing at all. He suspected he wrote it too late.  Whenever he tried to answer his phone, eyes were pinning him, expecting his answers to the current matters, what he did, not letting anyone know that his annoyance was growing. He had to behave there. It was important. But he was furious.

The hell he got dragged in this shit. The meetings until now have never lasted so long. He Tian could have foreseen it. He _should_ have foreseen that He Cheng would start the subject of his return, as if it had already been decided. He could have predicted that his refuse would lead to very unpleasant conversation. Conversation that He Tian couldn’t stop in the middle because it would look like he lost. And the arguments throwed at him were strong, he couldn’t just wave them off.

As soon as he finally got out of the building, he called Jian Yi, then Zhan Zheng Xi. They didn’t pick up, obviously. With the thought concert was probably canceled, he sat inside the car, clearing his notifications one by one, mostly from Yu Fang, several from other persons. A bitter smile appeared on his lips. He still hoped Guan Shan was somewhere on the list. He must be seriously pissed off on him. Or he really didn’t care about the band. He Tian thought maybe this one piece of his life was important to him. This one piece where he belonged too, which they both shared.

He scrolled the screen, reaching messages he got. He started to swipe each of the next mesages, not bothering to read them at all, as the excerpts were pretty similar “ _He Tian, where are y-_ “ “ _Why you don’t play h-_ “ “ _I didn’t know you qu-_ “. He reached almost the end of his list when one excerpt got him interested. “ _You fuckin’ bastard_ -”. He blinked, surprised, looking at the contact info. It wasn’t like her at all. “ _You fuckin’ bastard! I wanna see your shitty face ASAP, you’re missing some more of me. Mo_ ” After he shook off the shock, he clicked quickly on “Call”. Two signals long and his phone vibrated next to his ear.

The user wants to switch to video calling.  
 Agree | Decline

 

He cursed, clicked ‘ _Agree_ ’ and waited for the screen to load. What he saw left him wordless. Almost.

“...fuck...”

 

 

He Tian glanced at his phone. The screen was frozen, the device stubbornly refused to restart, still it has been showing Guan Shan on the stage. Fuck, he lost something amazing here for sure. Maybe he could still catch Guan Shan somewhere here.

“ _...last one_!”

He felt he’s smiling. _It’s Jian Yi  for sure . Fuck, they’re still playing._

The sound of the familiar guitar bounced from the walls, not lost in people’s roars. Before He Tian squeezed through people and reached the back of the stage, he felt a pleasant shudder that spread instantly over his body as he heard Guan Shan’s voice. On the phone, he heard nothing. The sound was distorted, unclean, the sounds of people’s cheers made from the speakers a real mess, releasing cracks and noise that couldn’t be called music in any way.

Still, He Tian thought that even if the sound was clear, it would not be able to reflect what he had witnessed.

He felt hypnotized. Astonished. And he couldn’t tell, if it was because Guan Shan has been singing or because his voice has caused something inside He Tian moved. Maybe both. He could never allow himself to stare at Guan Shan like that, all the time, not taking his eyes off of him even for one second as the other was playing. So He Tian stopped cautiously near his guitar, taking off his coat blindly, letting it fall to the floor, trying not to make noise, trying his best to save the image of Guan Shan at that moment inside himself, save everything of him.

Every movement of Guan Shan’s hands, every muscle that was more clearly visible when he hit the strings.  Each of his fingers, moving smoothly on the fingerboard, so naturally extracting the sounds from the instrument, creating goosebumps running over He Tian’s back constantly.

His expression as he closed his eyes tightly as he shouted part of the text into the microphone, with the lighst dancing on his focused face, with a drop of sweat wandering from his template to his neck, with quick catches of breath when he filled his lungs with the air, before the next verses.

His voice. Guan Shan boldly shouted the refrain lines again. Confident showed what he can. And he could a lot. Whatever was in Guan Shan, he converted it with his tone. It wasn’t just sang. It wasn’t just shouted. It was filled with such energy as if Guan Shan was on fire himself, throwing this heat  of his to everyone around, to He Tian directly. Anger, frustration. It was almost palpable. Every line that came out of his mouth sent delightful impulses through He Tian’s body. Making him feel way too excited.

He stood there, at the front of the stage, focusing all eyes on him. Rythm. Melody. Shred. Sing. He was all.

Amazing. He Tian was savouring everything, every sound, every move, delecting Guan Shan he has never saw before, he has never heard. He was devouring him all, not letting anything more of this escape from him. ~~~~

Jian Yi spotted him, in a blink of an eye he started to grin, Zheng Xi followed his gaze and chuckled under his nose, he suddenly speed up with a quick fill, apparently looping some part of the song, Jian Yi went along with him. Guan Shan flinched, obviously not expecting that, he looked at Zheng Xi with sharp glare, irritation written all over his face, Zheng Xi still with smile slowed down, Jian Yi slowed down with him, wearing a poker face.

Guan Shan noticed him, their eyes met. He Tian knew that his excitement was evident on his face,  not that he even bother to hide it at that moment. Guan Shan’s eyes were full of everything, changed quickly, confident at first, confused after half a second...relieved? He Tian wasn’t sure.

_“... **YOU ARE SO DEAD**_!”

He Tian opened his eyes wider and chuckled when Guan Shan realized he yelled at him through the microphone, not in his mind. He Tian smiled. Wide. Because even when Guan Shan moved his head away quickly, even if his expression might look angrily,  he couldn’t hide this faint smile that appeared on his lips.

 

_You fuckin’ dick, I’ll tear you apart, at pieces, throw each of it in other direction, you shit_! A muffled murmur went through the audience here and there, drowned out by general noise, the drums and deep bass in the background when he shouted out his treat. Guan Shan turned his head back at the direction of the people, fighting with faint smile. He knew he lost. He came in the end. Guan Shan made last hit on the strings. Last crash’s sound reverb through the air, mixed with loud roar and whistles as they finished. He Tian took his guitar, Jian Yi turned around towards Zheng Xi, playing his bass intro at whitch people reacted with screams – as here it finally was, a familiar song.

He Tian caught Zheng Xi gaze and gave him a sign with his finger to loop the intro part. Zheng Xi skinned with understanding, Jian Yi couldn’t be more delighted with this idea as he could loop his intro as well. Loud scream overwhelmed them, when He Tian entered the stage. Guan Shan moved aside, making a place for him, the other grabbed his nape, pulled him closer and leaned his cheek against Guan Shan’s one

Guan Shan was the one who was out of breath, feeling his t-shirt was close to him, feeling his body radiates with unbearable heat as the air conditioners absolutely didn’t do their work at this pub. Yet He Tian’s deep voice as he whispered in his ear was like a blaze, a different kind one, causing that Guan Shan’s own warmth was nothing but a small flame.

“Do you have any idea what are you doing to me?”

“Do you?” was an instant whisper-reply, before Guan Shan thought it through.

He Tian looked at him, shocked, but quickly restore his calm.

“Care to share after the concert?”

“You – fuck off!”

He Tian stepped back with a wide smile, turned around to the people.

“Hey, what with those lights here? ~ We’ve just begun ~ I’ve a long entry, haven’t I~ “  as soon as he finished his sentence, they were stunned by the reaction of the crowd “did you miss me?”

“You wish” Guan Shan scoffed quietly under his breath, quickly correcting his tuning as He Tian was speaking.

“If only you knew ~ ” Guan Shan took a look at the people, trying to spot the person He Tian answered to but he couldn’t figure it out which one was that “ I have took my time, wondering what to say to you... again, you surprised me to the point I can’t find my words...welcoming us like that! Guys, you’re awesome here!” some voices screamed to him responses to that, He Tian answered them with laugh.

“I wonder, though...do I owe you an apology?” he glanced at Guan Shan, not saying anything to the people’s answers.

Guan Shan scoffed again, shaking his head slightly and joined the others with looping the intro quietly.

_Like hell an apology would help you get out of diching us here, you bastard._

“As I thought... Sometimes something can trigger you in a wrong way.  I think, that, some part of us here...have time, when you lost control.”

_What could possible trigger you to not come on your own show!?...fuck, something is still out of tune here..._

“Even now, I’m barely holding myself back...don’t want to lose control.”

“Let it out!” “Lose it!”

“I’ve a feeling not everyone would be content ~”

“Don’t play with us here!” some shout echoed from the back, people laughed, some of them confirmed their agree with this statement with loud “yeah!”

“I’m not playing with you. In fact, I’m really serious.”

“It’s hard to belive so, He Tian!”

Familiar thunder struck him, Guan Shan didn’t have to look at Yu Fang to know she was about to duplicate herself from anger.

“I mean it. Hope you will give me a chance to rehabilitate?~”

“Start to fuckin’ sing already” he hissed, finishing his tuning for good “enough of talking here.”

“Will you?” He Tian narrowed his eyes, moving away from the microphone and covered it with his hand.

“Will I what?”

“Give me a chance to rehabilitate. Were you listening to me?”

“Kinda, but – wait, for ditching us here? You’ve lost your fu-“

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Wha- “ he felt shiver, Yu Fang will kill them “nevermind, sing already.”

“Will you?”

“Yeah, whatever, sing.”

“I’m not satisfied with your response.”

“The fuck should I care about your satisfaction. Sing.”

“It would be really nice if you do ~ “

“...listen ” he leaned closer to him as the other didn’t move “ _she_ ’s angry, people will get, too if you don’t  skip this nonsense – stop glaring at me like that, do you get what I’m saying here?!”

“I’ve some problems here, to focus” he grinned at him, still with a little spark of flame in his eyes.

“He Tian. Sing.” Guan Shan stopped to mute his strings, he played louder, people made their noise again.

He Tian took his hand off of the microphone. He opened his mouth but closed it, stepping back to Guan Shan again with wide smile.

“Hey, can we sing something together?”

“Fuckin’ forget it!” he hissed through clenched teeth, welcoming furious glare of Yu Fang again on his body “That’s enough of improvization for tonight!”

“Just one song?”

“NO and fuckin’ sing!”

“Pretty please?”

Guan Shan bend his string furiously, with “fuck you, He Tian!” on his lips as he moved back.

“So agressive.”

They played, He Tian glued his eyes to him, devouring him again, without a break, Guan Shan was responding to him, to his melody, not escaping his eyes. Fuck, he should sing to the people, but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t. The view of Guan Shan singing  was still fresh in his mind, but he wanted imprint his look right now in his memory as well, Guan Shan’s face with focus on him, his angry responses on He Tian’s guitar, his light smirk when he overwhelmed He Tian’s melody, his confident glare when He Tian paused his play.  He could challenge him like that all night long, watching his response.

_Hah, fuzz on!  You got me here, Little Mo._

He Tian merged with him, both on the same riff, without a mistake, with perfect synchro, Guan Shan back off, phaser activated, not too much of it, just a litte to make a really nice solo. Guan Shan smirked, He Tian couldn’t stop grin from appearing on his face. They play one song after another, not stopping, not pausing, checking their answers, improvising a little, not too much, not to overdid it, answering on each other call, until angry looks from behind the drums finally called He Tian to reality.

He let his last hit echoed with reverb as he let go of his guitar, letting it hung from his shoulders.

“Wow, well, enough for you guys? ~ What, you want some more?” he chuckled at the people’s reaction “ of course you do ~  Before we go back again, I know you’ve already heard who is who here, but I think a small update is needed~ Soooo-” he moved aside and pointed with an open hand at Zhan Zheng Xi, who at this command gained as much strength as he could to present his skills in full light “ behind the drums, Zhan Zheng Xi! I know ladies, I know~ “ he added quickly at audience cheers  “ Gentelmens, as well, I heard that ~ But please don’t go after him. He’s taken -  and he seriously have problems with keeping his drumsticks tight at his hands!” the people laugh, when He Tian picked up the drumsticks from the floor “You should throw them into the crowd after the show, Zhan Zheng Xi, not at me ~ Although it should be done on a big stage~” he added with theatrical whisper, still through the microphone “alow me, then” triumphant joyous cheers could be heard from those who caught the drumstics.

“Jian Yi at the bass, the one that can bind our play together, without whom the songs are dry and soulless“  Jian Yi shamelessly presented himself with a sophisticated solo, collecting well deserved screams “And he will not throw anything as he refuses to use a pick” Jian Yi showed him a finger, people giggled.

“He Tian, a pain in the ass, main face of the band “ Jian Yi pushed him from the microphone, placing his hand on He Tian’s face  “as you saw, _main_ vocal as he sing from the beginning, and _lead_ guitar as he was on melody _all the time”_ He Tian bowed theatrically in thanks, pushing Jian Yi with a smile.

“And, finally” He Tian looked at him with eyes so mild Guan Shan couldn't move his gaze away “ the one who constantly is surprising me and I think he is surprising you as well. Amazing guy, that can bear with someone like me... And belive here Jian Yi, I really can be a pain in the ass”  people laughed again “ Rythm guitar. Melody as well. And, what’s important, the second vocal ” he smiled cheerfuly “Mo Guan Shan.”

 

\---

 

„What was that, He Tian?!” Zheng Xi was the first that attacked him right after they got out from the stage, he didn’t even put his guitar down “ You’ve played without a break! I’ve limit to my stamina, I don’t feel my arms!”

“What have you thought, huh?! You want to ruin it?! No pub would take us on the stage if they learn we fucked up here because of the leader –wait- **_the vocalist_**! - that decided to not show his ass!” Jian Yi step before Zheng Xi, throwing his argues at He Tian before he opened his mouth.

“The heck was that?!”  Guan Shan yelled at him as soon as he entered the room, moving to the front of the rest and clenched his fist on He Tian’s t-shirt, his own was tight close to his still sweaty body, his eyes piercing him without a mercy.

_Shit, Little Mo, you are dangerous to me._

“I needed to deal with...something. Forgive me for being late.”

“The hell you have the phone for if you’re not picking it up!” Jian Yi yelled “ You could write something, you-!”

“I wrote to make a delay.”

“You-“ Jian Yi took his phone, narrowing his eyes. Guan Shan opened his eyes wide, he let go of He Tian and grabbed Jian Yi’s shirt this time.

“The fuck, Jian Yi! He wrote!?”

“YOU WROTE IT WAY TOO LATE, HE TIAN!” Jian Yi released himself from Guan Shan grip, showing them time on the message “Do you have any idea how angry Yu Fang is?  She looks like she’s going to tear us apa- Yu Faaaang, you’re here! How were we~?” Zheng Xi withdrew tactically to the back of the room, as Yu Fang entered like the wind, completly ignoring him and targeting Jian Yi first.

“ How you were? I’ll start from _you_ , Jian Yi!” Yu Fang growled, slamming the door behind her.

“ ‘ _Something’_? Seriously?” Guan Shan hissed as he took off his guitar, throwing at He Tian angry look.

“Work related shit , Little Mo.”  
  
“Don’t you work remotely?”

“Not everything can be done remotely, I’ve my meetings as well. Besides”  he moved his eyes from yelling Yu Fang to him “wasn’t you the one who told me not to show my face?”

“Really?! You – from extreme to extreme, you know I didn’t mean it like that, I-“

“You what?” Guan Shan bit his tongue, turning his face away with quiet curse.

 

“You were speaking for too long!”

“How so? It’s normal thing to speak between songs!”

“Of course it is! But _not longer than a song_ itself!”

 

“Probably no way of escaping it, huh.” He Tian observed more and more turned on yelling Yu Fang.

“Don’t even try to move from here, I’ll make you stay in place!”

“Hm, you’d hold me if I’d try to get out? Maybe I should, then.” he smirked at his frown **,** feeling urgent need of pulling him closer. He endured it “So? Can I assume I can show my face to you?” he asked when Guan Shan hid his guitar to the case.

“Otherwise you would be dead already. But seriously, lately you’ve been asking for being killed so stubbornly I'm really considering it.”

“You let me see something incredible.”

“Just singing, stop overreacting.”

_Tell this to my body._

 

“You were babbling nonsense!”

“How so?!”

“You should tell something about the next song, especially a fuckin’ title, you seem to forgot about such a basic at the beginning!”

“Hey, talking about your day is as well suggested for the bands!”

“But know the limit for God’s sake! You wanted to bore them there?!”

“I wasn’t making anyone bored!”

“You was! Me!”

 

“Some advice for me to make it work between us?”

“Yeah, don’t be such a dick! Can you?” 

“Have I made you some problems at work?”

“Huh?”

“With your manager.”

Guan Shan clicked his tongue, he already forgot about that.

“Don’t bring this up, you made me recall that shit... Nothing more than I’d create myself, but if you ever enter the kitchen again – “

“I know, Yin Su scolded me for that. I’m sorry.”

Guan Shan didn’t comment it, he looked around for his change of cloths.

“Do you really think I’m so persistent?” He Tian asked, putting his guitar finally down.

“You think you’re not?!”

“I just want to spend with you more time. I didn’t realise it may be something you really don’t want to.”

“I – “ he forgot his words, He Tian didn’t wear on his face any fake smile, any full-self smirk. He was serious “...just fuckin’ know the place and the time!”

“I’ll try to.”

“...good.”

 

“Why are you so angry, you saw this crowd yourself, they looked pretty content ~ “

“God, I saw, and you’re lucky here you didn’t get them mad! And besides...! Jian Yi...I’m  talking to _you._ ”

“...hm?” Jian Yi took his eyes off of Zheng Xi who has stoically changed his t-shirt “ What? Sorry, I was distracted~””

 

“So can I visit you at work?”

“ _Don’t_ bother me at work!”

“Can I visit you at home, then?”

“...when I’ll have time.”

“Which is?”

“Never. I’m busy.”

“You’re cold.” he smirked, Guan Shan was like his usuall self.

 

“Why they didn’t sing together?!” Yu Fang took a step to He Tian and Guan Shan, Jian Yi blocked her path with himself.

“Oh, you know, Yu Fang, if you’re interested in hearing them both, you should schedule for us some concert, right? ~ “

“ _I beg your pardon_?!”

“You know, it was kinda like...marketing move here ~”

“You-!“

 

“Will you stay? In the band.” He Tian waited as the other changed his t-shirt. He annouced him as a second vocal but he still wasn’t sure if Guan Shan has any intentions to stay with them.

“...there are no other bands for now that are good enough.”

“I’m sure there are.”

“So you want me to search?”

“Not at all.”

“...it’s too much of trouble”  he said after a moment, collecting his stuff “I want to  play with Zheng Xi. Jian Yi is in the package, and good, he knows what he’s doing. Besides he is helpful with dealing with people” he smirked, observing like Jian Yi slowly but steady was winning over Yu Fang “Playing with you is great as wel- I mean, it’s because of you I’m playing like that, after all-” he frowned, clicked his tongue “fuck, it’s still not what I wanted to say, I mean, don’t take it to your full-ass-self, bu – _what are you doing_?”

“It’s just a small hug...to celebrate the reconcile.”

“I think I’ve already told you something about this fuckin’ clinginess of yours!”

“Don’t struggle, just this once.”

“I don’t want any– “

“Mo Guan Shan” He Tian tightened his hug. It was comfy. It calmed Guan Shan’s nerves down a little. The Nameless who wasn’t so nameless anymore, still was somewhere inside of him. Now sleeping. He couldn't bring himself to push He Tian away.   _Shit._ He spotted Zheng Xi, he was confused but after a second he showed Guan Shan to return He Tian’s hug. For a second Guan Shan forgot where they were. He showed Zheng Xi his middle finger.

“Thank you” he felt muffled whisper on his neck.

“G-get your perverted mouth away from me!” moment passed. Enough of this.

“Ease, I don’t bite...wait, actually-“

“ _He fuckin’ Tian_.”

“I’ll not. Not until you want me to.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“Exactly what you heard.”

“Why the hell I would even want you to – no, nevermind, let me go, you’re seriously asking for being killed!””

“And you both!” Yu Fang reached them finally, apparently tired after exchange of thoughts with Jian Yi. The other looked like he won. “What the fuck was that, lovers quarrel? Don’t bring it up on the stage!”

“ ‘ _Lovers quarrel’_ , what the he-“

“Ok, we understand~”

“ ‘ _Ok_ ’ ?!  ‘ _We_ ’ ?! You’ll not say any-”

“Why I didn’t know there are two vocals?!”

“I would like to know it myself ~”

They both pinned their eyes on Guan Shan, He Tian with ungessed look, Yu Fang on the other hand with definitely irritated one.

“Why you even bother with this!? Take care of this guy maybe, a vocalist not showing his ass on his own concert is somehow more important!”

“Don’t tell me what I should look at, Mo Guan Shan, you seriously didn’t practice at all! You guys lose rythm with Jian Yi several times, don’t think I didn’t notice that! And you seemed like you forgot your lyrics!”

“I-“ not that he wanted to get more in this and explain to her that practice didn’t matter as they didn’t play his songs on the rehearsals. Not that he will tell why he forgot his words. He didn’t say anything more.

“Jian Yi was making break after break, you guys on the other hand were playing all the time, from song to song, what the hell is wrong with you! And you, He Tian, what the-“

“Sorry, traffic jams.”

“Traffic jams? At this hour?”

“I was suprised myself ~ ”

_You must be kidding me. He’ll get away with this!?_

“You could contact us, pick up the phone or whatever! Support band would make it longer!”

“I realised too late I’ll not make it on time. Besides, I wrote to Jian YI to make some delay~”

“WHAT? HE TIAN, I TOLD YOU IT WAS TOO FUCKIN’ LATE, DON’T PUT IN ON ME!”

Yu Fang took a deep breath, moving suddenly to surprised Zheng Xi and clenching her hands on his t-shirt.

“I beg you, you seem to be the most reasonable of them all, I hope you’ll take care of everything from now on.”

“Wha- wait, Yu Fang-“

She left, leaving dumpfounded Zheng Xi and chuckling Jian Yi on his back.

“...why I always have to have the worst tasks...”

 

\---

 

“Jeez...she was so nice and cute at the beginning...she can be terryfying.” Jian Yi drunk almost half of his drink at once. They finally sat down at they table back in the corner, after they prepared the equipment to be taken away.

“Yeah, she’s got  a temper, can’t say she’s not...So...I think we need to remake our songs?”

“Actually, we have three that you guys could sing together-“

“Wait a minute, why should we?!” they looked at Guan Shan as soon as the other moved his bottle away from his lips. After he calmed down a little, it reached him what has been already decided “ I just have to cover his stupid ass here! One time thing, that’s it.”

“Why one time? You like to sing! And they liked the way you do it.”

“They were waiting for him to show up, as he was not there they could as well listen to me!”

“You didn’t sing together yet, we have to mix it, we have to!” Jian Yi knocked the table with his finger at each word “He Tian already annouced you as a second vocal!” he added quickly on one breath when Guan Shan wanted to say something, entering the ‘ _It-is-non-discutable-and-end-of-the-story Mode_ ’ “ Yu Fang asked about both of you! No point of going back! Don’t! Too late, Redhead, just get along with it!”

“Right, about the rehearsals, you’ll both show up, I assume?” Zheng Xi asked quickly, not letting Guan Shan to shout out what was gathering inside of him, He Tian with smile confirmed it “I think we should change the place. I found something interesting, Guan Shan tested it with me as well, it’s quite-“

“ Wait a minute, you were playing without me?!” Jian Yi looked at him with shock, Zheng Xi’s lips shaped in muted “oh...fuck” as he took deep breath, turning to Jian Yi. They started to argue, or rather Zheng Xi tried to make his excuses as He Tian leaned to Guan Shan.

“So you have songs already for us both? Why you didn’t show up with this earlier?”

“Do I have to do everything with you?”

“It would be nice.”

Guan Shan took a sip, taking his eyes on Zheng Xi and pounting Jian Yi.

“...this song you sang, is one of them?”

“No, it’s mine, and I’m not going to give it to you” he felt He Tian was waiting so he added before taking another sip  “Jian Yi was talking about the songs you know already, his three he gave to you.”

“So you sang them before.”

“So what?”

“Just wondering how much did I miss. And why.”

“He Tian, tonight’s all on you, and I’ve already finished!” Jian Yi said content, obiously winning over Zheng Xi.

“You are surely demanding. My fault, so let’s it be your way. I’ll open the bill for us, then.”

“Hey, and you where?” Zheng Xi asked as he saw Jian Yi is getting up as well.

“Research time! I need to find someone who recorded our show, I’ll prove her I wasn’t boring at all!”

“Jian Yi...you was.”

“I wasn’t! Have they booed me ? They haven’t!”

“How have you got out of this mode of his?” Guan Shan asked as soon as Jian Yi went for his hunting “Share some methods, they can be useful for me in the future.”

“Not so sure it’ll help you if you do so. I just let him stay at my place as he please.”

“Huh, you’re right...really useless.”

“It went good, after all. Al this show of ours.”

“Looking at the fact we didn’t play my songs for a long time, yeah, it was good.”

“Have you guys made it up?”

“Not your fuckin’ business.”

“If it affects the band, then it is.”

“Wow, have you seriously took Yu Fang’s words to yourself or what? He said we’ll be at the rehearsals so this should be enough for you.”

“...you was afraid.” Zheng Xi called him after a moment again, making him lose interest in Jian Yi that was catching random people and starting conversation “on the stage.”

“I was stressed, not afraid. And just at the beginning. You would not at my place? I get used to it quickly so don’t comment it. You didn’t have to be suddenly in the fuckin’ center of everything.”

“I’m not talking about this. You was afraid he’s away, wasn’t you.”

Guan Shan hit the table with both of his open hands, stood up abdurptly and grabbed his jacket from the chair. Zheng Xi grabbed his arm, the other freed it with a sharp move.

“...I’m going for a smoke.”

“...so take one tom or cymbal already to the car if you’re going outside.” Zheng Xi throw at him the keys.

 

\---

 

“Hm~ ” Jian Yi joined He Tian in his way back to the table with his nose in the phone’s screen.

“You’ve got a record?” He Tian looked at the phone, seeing again singing Guan Shan covered with the light from the stage “Send it to me.”

“Not one, several ones! I’ll send them all on our group, but the sound is...shit, crappy as hell as far as I checked.”

“Thought so. You got some audience after all.”

“Let me help you with this” Jian Yi grinned, taking one drink from him “He Tian...aren’t you going back? I mean, I’m happy as hell you’ll finally sing together but still, what with your case?”

“Working on it. It didn't go well until now, but...hey, ease there~ I can be stubborn, almost like you" he looked ahead, noticed Guan Shan who approached the table in his jacket on "I'm not going to let go. Not this time."

"What, you made it so quickly?" Zheng Xi took the keys from Guan Shan, surprised.

"I can't get inside, your car is - He Tian, move your car, you blocked Zheng Xi's."

 “You know what” Zheng Xi said, looking at Jian Yi who licked his lips and was about to introduce them to another drink  “before you start to drink” he took the drink out of Jian Yi’s hand, the other frowned, evidently not content “let’s pack all the equipment, ok ? I have no intention of doing it alone.”

“Alone?”

“Jian Yi will be wasted in any moment ( “I will not!” ) and you Guan Shan probably as well. ( “Huh?!” )”

“Hey, what about me, I’m not drinking tonight.”

They looked at him with pity.

“He Tian. Please.”

“... you’re right ~ Little Mo, come with me."

"The hell you need me there!"

“Come for a smoke.”

“I just was.”

“So keep me company.”

“I don’t want to – don’t drag me!”

 

\---

 

“So, care to share?” He Tian started when they went outside, passing by few smokers.

“What?”

“What am I doing to you?”

Guan Shan looked at him, the other lit his cigarette  and got the keys out of his pocket.

“...you dare to ask. You really dare to fuckin’ ask."

"Share."

"You've ditched us here, He Tian! You left everything here, not telling you'll be late, I had been thinking you - " he clenched his fist.

"Wanna punch me?" He Tian dragged, nodding at his fist.

"I wanna kill you."

"I would prefer not. There wasn't much I could do, seriously. It was important. I didn’t plan it. A lot depended from this."

“...whatever.”

"Wasn't you cursious where I was?"

"...couldn't care less."

" You smiled when you saw me."

“Delusions.”

“Maybe some record caught this moment.”

Guan Shan clenched his fist on He Tian’s coat abruptly.

“I said, you had delusions.”

"Really? Why this anger, then? "

"Don't lean any fuckin’ closer!"

"You was the one who pull me closer."

"Fuck you!" he pushed him away, the other grabbed his arm.

"Hey, don't - " the sound of the key falling on a metal drain grate between them made them silent. And then they heard a splash of water. They both looked down at the well between them for a moment in silence.

"Little Mo...I think you should take responsibility."

“What for?”

“For this.”

“It’s not my problem. Go back to your flat for spare ones."

“I have the keys to my apartment in the car, you know?"

"So?"

"So I think I'll stay at your place tonight."

_I had to misheard._

"Go back to your place and get spare keys to the car, or Zheng Xi’ll not drive from here." he repeated as calmly as he could.

“How? I’ve just said the keys to the aparment are inside the car.”

“So your building’s service should have spare ones as well.”

“They don’t work at this hour.”

“I think they’re working all day and night in this building for rich asses.”

“...noooo, they don’t~ Can I sleep with you? Ok, I get this look, I’ll take the sofa ~”

“I think you’ve drunk too much already.”

"I haven’t drunk anything, yet, I was driving. Well, now I’ll not.”

“I recall you’ve asked about if you’re too persistent. This is the example of you being too persistent.”

“What if everyone will be?”

“What?” the door opened, showing Zheng Xi carrying his kick drum and Jian Yi behind him with toms.

“ Guys, you can go back with this inside, there is a problem ~"

Guan Shan looked down again at the well. Shit, no way of getting the keys from there. Lost for sure.

"...tell me you’re kidding, I have to take them back!"

“You'll take it tomorrow, let's party for tonight, you’ll not drive from there as well until I get my keys. And I need to wait til morning ~ "

"Great! Let's kip down at Redhead's place after!"

“So nice you thought about it too, Jian Yi ~ “

"My flat is not a fuckin' hotel, take a taxi!"

"It will cost fortune, Redhead! Besides we have to go back here tomorrow for the equipment, you live close, it’s just perfect!”

"So make _him_ pay."

"Not polite, Little Mo, I'm paying for all the drinks tonight ~ "

"I don't give a shit. Hey, are you listening? No way you’ll stay at my place, you get it?!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!


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